His Woman (18+)

Chapter VIII

THE AFFECTION

The only one that needs to love you is yourself, babe.

***

Warning: Sexual Content

CHAPTER VIII

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AS SOON AS we got back to the upper part of the house, I ran straight to the nearest toilet and threw up. Sure, it was just straight gastric acid, but at this point I couldn't even hold water down.

“Ara, are you—”

“Leave me alone, Pablo,” I yelled at him through the door. There was a moment of silence where I believed that he had gone when he took me by surprise and spoke up again.

“Things will get better. I promise.”

“Leave me alone.”

I heard him sigh and then a little bit of shuffling behind the door. “Call me if you need anything.” And then he finally walked away, leaving me in my own solitude. A part of me wished he had just pushed a little more. I didn't realise how much I didn't want to be left alone until alone was exactly what I was. I needed somebody to help take my mind off things.

I sat down against the wall, holding my head in my hands as I thought through what just happened. Wasn't there any other way? Couldn't I have just shot him in the forehead or something? Why did it have to be so long; so cruel?

I could say I didn't have a choice, but I did. I killed him because Daniel wanted me to, not because he forced me to. I bet if I tried hard enough it wouldn't have been that bad.

I got into the shower for the second time that day, realising that there was no way I was going to be able to sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, the only thing I heard was his screams. I could see him begging for me to take mercy; to help him and I didn't.

I tried to scrub away all of the days events, but it seemed like an impossible task. It clung to me like a second skin. I got no blood on myself except for my knuckles, but it still felt like I was covered in it.

Covered in his blood.

As the stain of his blood would forever remain on my skin, the weight of his death would forever remain on my shoulders.

It wasn't something I could just wash away. I felt filthy, but it wasn't my body that needed scrubbing. It was my mind. The demons in me were tearing me apart and I wanted out.

But there was no way out.

I sobbed, letting the water run over my tainted skin.

***

My elbow rested on the cool marble of the kitchen island as I propped my chin against my open palm, staring mindlessly at the clock.

I had ditched trying to fall asleep about two hours ago when I had been woken up the fourth time to the sound of yelling. I knew it was only coming from my head and nobody else could hear it but me. And so before I was accused of going crazy, I got up from the bed and made my way to the kitchen, leaving Pablo alone in the room. Obviously, poor Guillermo had to crash on the sofa.

I would've told him to go take my place in bed if he wasn't completely passed out.

I was spaced out, my brain absolutely blank as I continued to stare at the clock, the hours ticking by. But the hours only felt like mere seconds as I sat on the barstool.