TF2 x Reader

The Past Hurts (Scout)

(Warning: this chapter deals with a lot of past trauma and violence, which may be triggering for some people. I would skip this chapter if you think this will upset you.)

Jeremy sometimes goes through moments where something triggers him to remember a painful memory from his past and he can't help but cry it out. Jeremy tries his best to hold back from crying until his alone, he doesn't want anyone to see him when he's weak, especially you.

Today just so happened to be one of these days, a comment said by the Blu team during battle just hit him hard. Struggling so hard not to cry in the middle of battle, Jeremy was thankful when he saw Jacques with the enemy teams' intelligence and the administrator said they won. Jeremy quickly ran towards the base and headed to your guys' room. He knew you were going to be with Miss Pauling after the battle, so he was sure he would be able to be alone for a while. The moment he close the door the tears began, Jeremy ran to the bed, flopping on the bed and crying into his pillow.

'God, I'm such a fucking pathetic weak mess!' Jeremy thought as he cried. 'So weak, acting like a teenage girl after a breakup, I'm a sorry excuse for human life... I don't deserve to be happy... I don't deserve (Y/N).'

Jeremy suddenly heard the door start to open.

'FUCK, I'M A FUCKING IDIOT! I DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR!' Jeremy panicked.

Jeremy tried his best to hide the fact that he was crying but there is no hiding the fact he's eyes were red from crying so much. You walk through the door and immediately notice Jeremy.

"Jeremy, are you okay?" You asked running to his side.

"(Y/N)... I thought you were helping Miss Pauling..." Jeremy said.

"She only needed me for a few things," You told him. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying," Jeremy tried to play it off. "I'm just sweating from my- oh fuck it that sounds gross and stupid, I am crying and I'm crying because I'm a fucking failure!" Jeremy cried hiding his face in his hands.

"What?! You're not a failure, wh-?!"

"NO, (Y/N), I AM. I am a pathetic failure! Other people can see it and my dad probably left because he knew I was going to be such a disappointment!"

At this point Jeremy was a complete mess, he was so worked up that he was starting to hyperventilate.

"Hey! Hey! Jeremy, listen to me!" You panicked a little but kept it together, you cupped his cheeks so he was looking at you. "Jeremy, listen to me. You need to calm down okay?! I want you to breathe, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Okay, Jeremy, breathe for me."

It took moment but Jeremy began to breathe, slowly starting to calm down. He rests his head in your lap, you ran your fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry..." Jeremy whispered.

"Shh, you have nothing to apologize for." You told him.

"I'm just so stupid, I keep letting my past affect me."

"Jeremy..." You said. "It's okay, I know past experiences can hurt but they don't go away. You have to learn to accept them, then you can move on from them... trust me, I know."

Jeremy looked at you, he knew what you were saying was true. Jeremy looked down at the ground.

"I've been through so much..." He started. "When I was a kid, not having a dad affected me... it didn't help my self-esteem that I got bullied a lot too."

You didn't say anything, you just listened to Jeremy as he talked.

"Today during battle, one of those blue dicks made me remember one of those memories... I don't even remember which one of the said it, I just remember being on the ground, blood dripping down my face and feeling... helpless..."

"If you don't mind me asking... what did they say to you?"

There was silence.

"What a weak pathetic boy, no wonder your dad left. You're just a big disappointment to him." That's what they said... just like what Kyle always said to me years ago."

"Who was Kyle?"

"A big fucking cock who likes to beat the piss out of me as a kid. He was such a dick... him and his fucking friends." Jeremy frowned at thought of that fucker's face. "One time in middle school, my brother, Kenny, was late from picking me up, I later found out he forgot about picking me up from school because he was fucking some broad he was dating at the time. I waited for half an hour before I decided to walk home. My house wasn't too far from school but it still wasn't safe for a kid like me to walk home alone, I wasn't very tough then, not like I am now. I ran into Kyle and his friends that day, I wasn't fast enough, they cornered me and beat me up. I tried so hard to fight back but I couldn't, they overpowered and outnumbered me. Kyle watched as his friends hurt me, he had this big fucking smile on his face. He started talking shit about me, talking about how weak I was and how pathetic I looked at that moment, he talked about my ma, saying she was a dirty slut and how much she loved taking dick from anyone. It pissed me off so much but I couldn't do anything about it. Then he talked about my dad, everyone knew I didn't have one. He said my dad left me because he could just tell by looking at me that I was going to be a disappointment and he left so he wouldn't have to look at the sorry excuse for a son he created. After what felt like forever, they stopped hitting me and just left me there, lying on the ground covered in blood and bruises."

Tears fell down Jeremy's face again. You pulled him close into a hug, wiping his tears away.

"I stayed there on the ground for a while, before getting up. I don't remember much of the walk home, but I do remember getting home. My ma was hysterical when she saw me walk through the door, god it hurt so much to see her cry. She freakin' lost it on Kenny that night." Jeremy closed his eyes, he could still hear his mother's screams. "I kill Kyle when I was older, he was the first person I ever killed but I still made him suffer as much as possible before I bashed his brains in until they looked like spaghetti. I thought it would make me feel better, and I guess in a way it did, but that didn't change the things he did to me. There were still there even if I didn't want them to be."

"That's enough..." You said holding him tighter. "You don't have to tell me no more."

"That's okay, I was pretty much done anyways."

You pulled away from Jeremy looking into his eyes.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that..." You whispered. "If you ever feel sad or alone, I just want you to know I am always here for you. I will always be here to listen to you and help you in any way I can."

Jeremy smiled hearing you say that. He pulled you close, pressing his lips against yours. The kiss was slow and sweet. It was a while before either of you pulled away.

"Thank you, (Y/N), I love you so much..." Jeremy said holding you close.

"You're welcome. I love you too, Jeremy."

You two spent the rest of the day in each other's arms. Jeremy felt safe with you and he was glad he had you by his side.

(A/N - God I really hope this is okay. I had this idea in my head for a long time and I finally decided to finish writing this. I mostly wrote this to ease my sadness, it's nothing serious but lately, I've just been feeling like crap. At least playing Animal Crossing and getting complimented by little animals brings me some joy and writing this helped a bit. So, I hope you all found this chapter interesting, stay safe.) (Oh one last thing, I did write this one on my phone because my computer is being a piece of shit. So sorry if there are a lot of mistakes, I'll try to fix them when my computer gets its shit together.)