Sexual Tension Squids and Other Things I've Learnt From Society

Why internet? Why?

I am the shittiest writer in the history of this planet.

~~~~~~~

Ak, sunburnt foot, owie. There's no pain in the world like getting in a nice, hot shower with an unrealised sunburnt foot.

~~~~~~~

Damn it, now my Blue Eyes White Dragon sketch will never be finished. And Witchcraft won't get an update before Christmas. Brilliant. But now I know, Nick Fury could not possibly legally drive a car.

Let me explain. I was in a car crash (or carcass as autocorrect would have it) the other night. Casually driving along when an old lady with an eyepatch speeds through the busy two lane highway, totalling our car. Mum gets out to take care of my small sibling who's screaming like a banshee in the backseat. She's not injured, stop worrying. I had to kick the front passenger door open so I could get out because I thought the car was on fire. Then yeah, ambulance is called mum and sibling are hysterical, I randomly start singing because adrenaline is a strange thing, cops come, old lady admits its her fault, say goodbye to car, car gets towed to scrap yard. One day later, mum has second degree burns from the gas in the airbag (don't ask. Something about an exothermic reaction.) and I'm in a sling and could burst into tears at any moment. Pain and suffering guys, pain and suffering.

~~~~~~~

Ok, so I'm just sitting here, reading my Yu-Gi-Oh manga. I think I've been doing that for too long, it's burrowing itself into my brain. I accidentally make references at school and not realise it until five minutes after, I wonder what I would do if someone I met had a kid called Yugi (probably give him my Dark Magician card for his birthday or something), I try looking for my deck and guess that it's out in the shed somewhere, make the background on my iPad Seto Kaiba with his Blue Eyes White Dragon, and, finally, decide that Duel Monsters is the bitchiest, most manipulative card game in the history of the planet.

Ok, so Yugi, Jonouchi (Joey for you people watching the English anime [or know him from your childhood mornings]), Kaiba and Marik/Malik (depending on the translation.) are having a four-way duel. (No, I'm not reading fanfic. And fanfic usually ships the characters with their 'yami' or other 'soul' (the shadow) that lives in their Millenium Item. So Yugi/The Pharaoh, Ryo/Yami Bakura, etc, etc.) The loser is the first person to reach the top of the tower (they're on weird moving platform things that rise up when they lose life points). Everybody wants to fight Yugi, as usual, but Jonouchi wants to beat Malik to save Mai, Kaiba wants to pound Jonouchi into dust and Malik just wants everyone to hurry up and die. So Kaiba starts mouthing off at Jonouchi and playing mind games with him, Malik is attacking Yugi because he wants the Millenium Puzzle, Yugi attacks Kaiba because Jonouchi is his BFF and Jonouchi is just alternating between Kaiba and Malik and generally trying to stay in the game. And they're all just yelling at each other, how so-and-so is going to lose and that-guy is going to win and 'oooh, my monster is more powerful than yours, I have a god card, OMG me too, but mines more powerful than yours, I'm going to win, no you're not, heart of the cards, caw caw motherfuckers, oh no IT'S A TRAP card, I sacrifice this guy, my bro here and Steve to summon this dude, you lose.' That's pretty much the whole thing.

Look, a lot of you will be confused about what I just typed so I should do a bit of Yu-Gi-Oh for Noobs: My Perception of It. Yu-Gi-Oh was originally a manga about this high schooler named Yugi Moto/Mutou (depending on the translation from Japanese) who was given an ancient Egyptian puzzle by his grandfather, who owns a game shop. Once completed, the puzzle kind of but not really got into the habit of possessing Yugi and getting revenge on everyone who did him wrong, challenging them to a shadow game, and if the opponent failed, punishing them with a penalty game. Eventually, more characters are introduced. Anzu/Téa, Yugi's original bestie who has a crush on dark Yugi that is eventually forgotten about, Jonouchi/Joey, bully-turned-friend, their bond strengthens everyday with Joey trying to be the best duelist he can, Honda/Tristan, a supporting character that hangs out with Jonouchi, seems like a decent guy, Seto Kaiba and Ryo Bakura. Dark Yugi beats Kaiba at Duel Monsters and Kaiba wants revenge. Bakura has the Millenium Ring, which gives him the ability to seal souls in objects. The evil soul sealed in the Ring wants to gather all the Millenium Items and release the dark power within!

The Millenium Items are seven objects which contain pieces of an ancient Egyptian pharaoh's soul and in the Battle City run of the manga, Yugi learns that he must gather all the items so his 'other' can regain his memories. They encounter Marik and Ishitar/Isis, guardians of the items, and Marik wants Yugi dead because he blames his other for the death of his father. Isis wants to save her brothers corrupted soul.

Duel Monsters is a card game created by Maximillon Pegasus after a visit to Egypt. There are three types of cards: monsters, traps and spells. The monsters are rated with stars, the higher the amount of stars, the stronger the monster. They have attack points and defence points, which can be raised or lowered with spell and trap cards. According to Battle City rules (and maybe Duelist Kingdom, I can't remember) any monster over four stars requires a sacrifice to summon it. There are many 'rare monsters' such as Blue Eyes White Dragon, Red Eyes Black Dragon, Exodia and the God Cards (Obelisk the Tormentor, Slifer the Sky Dragon and The Winged Dragon of Ra. These are the names I remember the best, there is always different translations. Which just shits me.). Trap cards are pretty self explanatory, but spell cards are weird. Often you need to do specific things to use them, like have a magician (eg Dark Magician) on the field, or they can backfire when your opponent plays a different spell card. Players either have 2000 or 4000 life points.

The original series' that I've been reading are Yu-Gi-Oh!, Duelist Kingdom, Battle City and Millenium World. But then you get all the spin-offs like GX and 5Ds.

NOW YOU KNOW! And knowing is half the battle. I've probably left out heaps, so yeah, google it if you're interested. It's pretty awesome. I haven't even thought about it this seriously since I was 8 years old and trying to figure out who to dress up as for a birthday party (I went as Mai, as she was my favourite).

I'm going to upload this now because I just typed that entirely with three fingers on my left hand. It took a while. Feel loved.