Sexual Tension Squids and Other Things I've Learnt From Society

Ice Cream Jump is more productive than our drama class

I don't like crabs. They don't scare me or anything, I just don't like them. They scuttle across the sand and when you walk past them, they stop and click their claws at you. Or they hide and you then nearly step on them. Don't do that. They'll eat your toes.

So I'm going on Horse Camp right? Which is good, because I have many friends, although three of them have a One Direction obsession. But hey, they're psychotic too, so this is going to be so fun! Yknow that bitch I talked about a few chapters ago that used to be friends with and I keep updating you lot with her activities? (You're all gossips, but I love you all. I'm spaz today) Well anyways, according to the gossip queen of our grade, she keeps ranting, saying she has no friends, that I'm shitty with her (really, I never noticed... <-- sarcasm obviously.), that she hasn't done anything, yadda yadda, whoppdido, nobody cares anymore. Yep, cool, she's on my camp. But I honestly don't care, because I get along with every single person on that camp. And I like horsies. But you know what I don't get? That she has complete disowned us and wants no association with us whatsoever, but still hangs around us at lunch. With her shitty excuse for a boyfriend. And poor little Frank tagging along for some reason.

Today we had sport. She couldn't stop running and tripped over and was about to fall on me. Me, as a reaction (because if she hit my knee it would bend back and I would collapse), catches her and picks her back up. Normal person, what do you do when someone catches you when you fall? You say thanks, even if its really awkward, don't you? They saved you from an injury and embarrassment in front of your peers, so the least you could do is say thanks and have a laugh about it right? Well she just walked off, not even acknowledging I was there. This is why I don't particularly like people.

I know I'm not American or anything but OBAMA!

GUESS WHAT I FOUND AT THE LIBRARY!?!? No, not that. I found The Ultimates. What a coinky-dink. And a bajillion Supernatural novels. But I was only allowed to get two of 'em.

So this is what happens in The Ultimates (my public service announcement, saving you lot reading time):

World War 2, somewhere. Cap crashes a plane in a nazi building, nazis making missile out of alien tech, Cap blows up missile and a bunch of alien ships, falls into water, supposedly dead.

FLASH FORWARD! We're on Mt Everest, Tony Starks doing some thinking, he goes down the mountain.

NEW YORK! Black Nick Fury is having lunch with Bruce Banner, he wants Banner back in the super soldier program, flash to Pittsburgh, Hank Pym is using ants to make coffee, Jan is excited about joining SHIELD, flash to manhattan, Tony Stark is flying the armour around, acting like a manslut, gets back to base and has a drink and a chat with Fury, Stark agrees to join his boyband after rethinking it. Flash to Triskellion, Jan talks with Bruce, it's awkward, Hank's experimenting with the Giant Man formula, it works, Banner goes back to his apartment, Fury gives him a call, tells him they're unfreezing Cap.

Cap unfreezes, shit happens, he realises Fury wasn't lying about where he was, he goes to see Bucky, who married his old girlfriend, he finds out all his old friends are dead, feels ensue. Public Triskellion launch, reveal that Cap's still alive.

Jan takes Cap shopping, his apartment is broken into. Betty is a bitch to Banner, who feels hated by everyone. He and Fury go to talk to Thor, who's a hippy. He won't join until George Bush doubles the international aid budget. Back at base, Fury casts everyone in the Movie. Banner runs away and turns himself into the Hulk. Goes after Betty, who's having dinner with Freddy Prinze jr (I think he played Fred in the Scooby-Doo movies). Everybody suits up to go after him.

Hulk maims Manhattan. Thor turns up. Wasp gives him a lobotomy. Goes back to puny Banner.

Press coverage. Banner connection to Hulk hushed up. Everything seems right with the world. Stark wants Jan, Cap, Hank and Thor round for dinner. Jan and Hank start to argue, he hits her, she hits him back, she shrinks, he attacks her with bug spray and ants. Meanwhile Stark reveals he's dying from a brain tumour to Thor and Cap.

Remembrance service for Hulks victims. Paramedics take Jan to hospital. Fury tell the guys about Jan, nurse says it was a violent domestic. She's moved to the Triskellion. Betty talks to Stark and Cap how its not the first time this has happened. Cap decides to find Hank.

Enter Black Widow and Hawkeye, who attack some random office building because aliens. Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch are on Black Ops. Briefing about Chitauri, how they were backing the nazis, how the Americans had made sure they were all gone, turns out they're back. Meanwhile, Cap's found Hank, they fight in an alley behind a pub. Cap wins and asks him how big does he feel? He doesn't get an answer, because Hank's buried under a bunch of steel pipes.

Widow, Hawkeye and Stark getting ready to swarm alien base. Cap goes to see jan, who kicks him out. Team lands on island alien base.

Flashback to 1944. Caps on a train talking to some nazi. He blows the train up, killing the guy. Some dude named Kleiser. Flash forward, Jan gets out of bed to get a drink, nearly killed by aliens who've taken over the Triskellion. Bomb goes off on alien island, disintegrating everything, except the superheroes of course, thanks to Thor.

Kleiser kidnaps Jan, takes her to their other base, telling her his plan along the way as all villains do. Chitauri are otherwise known as the Skrulls. Alien mother ships fill the skies. They have a bomb to destroy the entire universe. Superheroes turn up, yay. Cap rouses the armies.

Aliens VS Humans. Cap vs Kleiser. Thor VS alien ships. Iron Man saves people, then feels all depressed that he can't do anything. Soldiers convince him he can, random kid gives him the thumbs up, so he flies off. Soldiers then are mean to kid and push him out of the way. Meanwhile Widow and Wasp take a control centre. Cap told to surrender, refuses and says the most famous line out of the book, "do you think this letter on my head stands for France?" Soldiers drop Banner out of a chopper, the hulk lands.

Cap convinces Hulk that Kleiser has had sexual relations with Betty. Hulk has a spaz. Widow and Wasp can't decipher alien instructions for the bomb. Get Stark on da phone. Hulk ate Kleiser, now attacking the ships because the pilots supposedly called him a sissy-boy. Stark drags out the bomb, says he can't disarm it, Widow thanks him for that special moment in the men's bathroom, he says he's not flying it into space, he's getting Thor to teleport it off-world. That works. Hulk is still smashing. Hawkeye shoots him full of antidote and Banner nearly eats him in his sleep. THEY DEFEATED THE ALIENS! Everything goes back to as normal as it can. Hank calls Jan at the hairdressers. She pretty much tells him to fuck off.

Party at the White House. Joan's dancing with Cap. They talk, then snog. Fury does some narrating, fireworks, The End.

K, well I'll update everything next week, I promise. Very much. I SWEAR!

WE WON! WE WON!