forever and always || c.h.

57

Calum's POV*

  The second she left I burst into tears. I can't even blame her either, I was terrible to her and I don't even have an excuse. I didn't even really realize what I was doing and I fucked up big time.

  She didn't even say anything about it either. She's asked me to do the dishes and I always meant it when I said I'd do it after but I ended up forgetting. And then by the time I remembered they'd already be done. I noticed she's been cleaning more but I thought maybe she was just getting anxiety and usually cleaning and organizing helped with that so I didn't say anything about it.

  She's been spending more time in our room other than cleaning the apartment. And I noticed she always went to bed before me and she'd always get up before me too. We haven't talked much or spent much time together but I guess I'm the one to blame for that. I don't have an excuse other than the fact that I'm just a fucking idiot, and I think that might be the worst part.

  I could feel my chest tighten massively as I bawled my goddamn eyes out. My vision was so blurry because of the constant tears that were flowing. I kept grabbing the dirty dishes from the sink and just threw them everywhere until there were none left. I held my head in my hands and just pulled at my hair as I paced the room. I didn't know what to do anymore. She was gone, like really really gone and she probably hated me too. Fuck I hated myself for even doing this to her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Michael yelled as he bursted through the door.

"I don't want to hear it. I can't hear it, I know I fucked up." I said and looked at my three best friends with tears streaming down my face.

"Fuck Calum. I came in here to kick your ass for hurting my little sister but now I can't because you're just as broken as her." He said with a bit of frustration in his voice as he looked around and saw a disaster surrounding me.

"Please I just... I just need a best friend right now. I can't have you acting like her big brother and kicking my ass and telling me how much I fucked up because I know... I know already and I just don't need to hear it anymore. I need a best friend because I just lost my person because I'm a fucking idiot and I don't know what to do anymore." I said through my tears and watched the three of them get sympathetic looks on their faces.

"How about... why don't we clean up a little bit? And then we can figure out what next." Luke said gently and looked at the mess I made in the kitchen.

"No I... I can't... she's everywhere yet she's gone. She's the only one that can help me but she's gone." I said and felt my chest get even tighter and my breathing move even quicker and more unsteady.

"Let's sit down, and we can get you some water." Ashton said and put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me over to the couch where I saw her bunny sitting in the corner. She fell asleep on the couch last night so I gave her her bunny because she can't sleep without it. She ended up leaving it there whether she just forgot or was too busy yelling at me to realize she left it.

"She forgot her bunny... she's gonna need it to sleep tonight or else she won't sleep or she'll just keep waking up." I said more to myself and picked it up and just stared at it. It smelled like her, a mixture of flowers and fruit because she always changed her perfume between the same three that she's loved forever. And everything she wore or anything smelled like a mixture of all of her perfumes and smelled just like her. I couldn't help but just curl up in a hall and hold it as close to me as possible. She's been gone for not even an hour and I already don't know how to live without her here.

"Cal you need to let go." Ashton said and tried take her bunny from my arms.

"No no, you'll rip it and then she'll be heartbroken forever. I just need to hold it... when you go I'll give it to you.. I just need it right now." I said and he let out a sigh and let go of it and let me be.