Gone Girl

Chapter 56

I sit alone in the lunchroom, there are other people here especially teenagers my age but it's a teen rehabilitation center.

I didn't make friends here, but I never talk to anyone so I doubt anyone here even tries to make new friends.

Not that I want to.

This place feels even more empty without Irène, she was so annoying but somehow she was fun. I doubt I'll ever see her again, though.

They try to encourage us to eat healthy food and not skip meals, I also had a family therapy meeting with my mom right after they caught me, two weeks ago.

I didn't talk much, I forced myself to cooperate or I'll end up staying here for months.

They say if I'm doing better I'll be out in April, but this place fucked me up enough. The good thing is that I don't crave drugs anymore, just because I was forced to not use them.

I am eating oats for breakfast and I have an apple too but I forgot the drink.

I stand up quickly to get myself a water bottle from the vending machine.

It's 'free' to use because they gave us a key to get whatever we want, but everything is included in what my grandmother paid, which I think must have been a lot, especially since I'm staying here for longer.

They all must be so disappointed in me right now.

I take out the cold water bottle after a few hits, this vending machine gets stuck sometimes but shaking it usually works.

I go back to my seat and I notice a piece of paper near my food.

"What is this?" I murmur to myself as I take the piece of paper in my hand.

It's a note: "You're pretty. I know we are stuck in here for some time but once you get out, this is my number..."

I look around to see who gave me this message but everyone is either talking to other people or looking down at their food and eating quietly.

No one is looking at me.

This note was put when I went to get the water bottle. It feels weird, I haven't had anyone hit on me in so long.

But I don't care.

I rip the note apart in many pieces because I'm bored and I throw it away without even thinking twice.

~

"You are getting better, Veronica," the therapist says and I nod.

Because to them, all that matters is that I don't do cocaine, right.

I'm not doing better mentally but they don't care about this, no one does.

"Are you ready to talk about why you started assuming drugs?" she asks and I nod. This is one of the final steps to take if I want to be out of here: be willing to open up.

What do I tell her?

Maybe it's not okay to do this, but I don't care. He deserves it.

"There was this guy... named James. He convinced me to consume them and then he kept pressuring me and eventually I got addicted," I explain and she notes something in her notebook.

"My mom said I shouldn't meet with any of my new friends but it wasn't because of them. It was just James," I say, blaming it all on James despite not being true. He deserves it.

"My friends helped me a lot," I lie and she nods.

I'm saying this because I know she will tell my mom.

Patient confidentiality is bullshit in this place.

"I'm glad you opened up. Do you now understand the gravity of your situation?" she asks and I nod, and I don't fake it this time.

"I know I could have died-" I mutter, trying to swallow the knot in my throat. "And I know if I don't completely stop, next time I won't be so lucky," I admit.

"But I need to go back home now, I'm doing better and I need my friends," I say trying to get a reaction out of her but she doesn't say anything.

"From what I know you assumed alcohol and drugs with your friends too," she says and I shake my head, lying.

"No- I mean, a bit of alcohol but it was always because I was with James," I say and she sighs. Maybe she believes me?

The time ends. Therapy is over. Finally. I can't keep track of my lies anymore.

I greet her with a warm smile I perfected with the help of Irène. I don't know what I would have done without her here, despite getting caught without even seeing Derek.

Derek... almost two months since that fight, since I almost died and I still don't know anything about him.

All this alone time made me realize how much I care about him and I know I feel something for him, and this is the worst part.

I can't do anything about it.

I don't know whether to be angry or upset that he didn't show up. I'll never know if he gave up on me or maybe he didn't make it in time. Dominic said-

"Hey!" A guy around my age is standing in front of me, near the therapist's door.

I don't reply and I try to walk past him but he gets in front of me, again.

"S- sorry. I left you that note but I think you didn't receive it," he says and I frown. Ok, so why is he talking to me now?

"No, I ripped it apart and threw it away," I mutter and his big smile fades.

I walk past him back to my room. At least now I don't have to share it with anyone.

I hate to say I miss Irène. In this place everything feels so lonely and empty, her plan gave me something to look forward to.

Derek.