CONFLICTED

Chapter 59| Squirt

Chapter 59: Squirt

Christopher

I ran out after Tracy and managed to grab her wrist before she hit the stairs. She turned on her brown boots and yanked out of my hold. The murderous glare she sent my way prompted me to use the cliché term to pacify her at least.

"I can explain."

"What do you take me for, rat face? Am I joke to you? Am I some plaything to toy with and toss out when you find something better? Answer me!" she screamed at me to which I exhaled in relief and sniggered a little.

"Are you sure that laugh is enough?" she seethed with wide eyes, "I can drop another punch line if you want."

"Babe, calm down. I'm just happy you're giving me a scolding rather than going radio silent on me."

It was wrong to compare her to Rose but Rose would've shut me out by now and chosen to assume the worst of me. I've made a lot of bad decisions in life but choosing Tracy was certainly not one of them.

"Happy? Is that what you feel about leaving in a fucking week!?" she spat and it took me a second to collect myself.

"Did you just curse at me?"

"Don't you dare tease me for it, you jerk." she said but I was already smiling, "I'm going through so much to give a damn right now and I'm trying to stay angry with you so wipe that stupid smile off your face!"

"Hey," I spoke softly, "you know you can talk to me about anything. What is it? This is not just about me leaving?"

I wanted to hold her hands to calm her down and calm me down as well, but I was afraid of getting rejected again. It terrified me to have her pull out of my grasp and have a sense of an incoming shipwreck.

Tracy sighed and bit on her lower lip, and although innocent, she managed to distract my senses for a moment.

"I've been getting some hate comments and just people calling my music trash. I stumbled on some tweets that also made insensitive jokes about me and they won't get out of my head no matter how hard I try to push them out."

"Those little shits." I ran a hand into my hair and told her, "If I could hunt them down and make sure you never come across shits like that again, I would. But it doesn't work that way. Like it or not, more hate would come your way even if you make it to the very top. At the end of the day, they're just words meant to test you and to put you down. You've come this far, tommy and for my sake and the sake of everyone that love you and what you do, you can't let these people get to you.

You'll come to realize that there are fucked up people out there just waiting to drop a thumps down on your music and the moment you build a self esteem that can't be shaken, you'll become unstoppable. This is one major downside of fame and it's up to you to show them you're bigger than them and their negativity put together. Block anyone dropping hate messages in your DM if you have to and just ignore the dumb comments. Just anything to get away from their bad vibes to protect your mental health."

If in any way you feel pained and defeated, center all that anger into your music in a positive way. You've proved a lot of people wrong with your successful debut but now, your focus should be on putting yourself first and proving yourself right. And while you're at it, I want you to know that I strongly believe in you, babe. I do."

It took a moment for it to sink in and with the look on her face, she got the message.

"I hate you." she breathed, "I really do."

"And why is that?" I asked smugly and finally took her hands in my grasp and thankfully, she didn't back away this time.

"You're out here giving me an advice as if everything is fine between us at this point. Were you even planning to tell me? I can't have you leave, Chris. I want you around or I might not survive this alone."