CONFLICTED

Chapter 40| Lavender

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Chapter 40: Lavender

Tracy

Christopher saw past the rough exterior walls of my sarcasm and all the way down to my little pathetic self. He looked straight into my soul and read me out like a presidential speech.

His face was only inches away from mine and I got lost staring at his fairly thick eyebrows, the uniqueness of his blue iris that moved slightly as he studied me, and pink lips just a little tilt away from meeting mine...

His minty breath hinted he'd brushed already. He was that close, way too close... Annihilating the term private space.

And he was hot. The kind of hot that instantly made me hot. You best bet that I've lost control over the unhealthy rate at which my feeble heart was going at. I could just cancel out my drunken attempt to kiss him and just kiss him right at the moment but the dignity left in me made me stop myself from doing something so shameless.

Of course I was attracted to Christopher as he was boyfriend material in matters relating to looks. Should I really be faulted for finding him cute?

Then again, I'd have loved to debunk his claim that I would try kissing him but it was hard to, especially when I had fantasized about it before and I could trust myself doing something stupid with alcohol in my system.

Oh, don't judge me but he looked so cool helping me out of a panic attack and I might've gone to bed dreaming about him in creepy ways.

Christopher wanted me to admit I had a crush on him but that was just incredulous. I found him obnoxious, repulsive, cantankerous, not to mention a tall good-looking jerk!

but he's shown you a caring side of him too. Subbie countered.

He was a mean bastard for bringing my dad into a game.

and he's dropped his ego and apologized already.

But all he did was bully me, calling me tomboy...and prude.

blame that on your fashion taste, or lack of, and he's not the first call you that.

He mocked my choice of career.

don't we all?

He was such a numbskull, one minute treating me like I didn't exist, and the next, teasing me and finding ways to get on my nerves.

and you're the creep who sneaked up on him and saw his boner, the one who's been quick to call him names. Idiot, numbskull, blockhead. Rings a bell?

But..but..

oh please, you can't help yourself around him and you know it too. Last year's face off is all a dumb excuse. Instead of casually calling him out like every other normal person, you chose violence when deep down, you're simply swooning.

I let, technically, my words sink in.

nothing technical there. We're two different people. I just happen to be stuck in your head along with having your voice. Subbie chirped.

so, I do have a crush on Chris. I thought, suddenly overwhelmed with realization.

Although, he had a girlfriend.

he has a girlfriend. Subbie affirmed.

Finally, I gave him my reply, "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. But it doesn't even matter because you have a girlfriend."