CONFLICTED

Chapter 15| Crush

Chapter 15: Crush

Tracy

Chioma and I walked down the quiet estate streets as we made our way to the restaurant. She had complained of boredom and promised to follow me to my place of work today.

My employer was a bit close to my mom so she's been considerate in so many ways. She had no problem with me bringing my friend as far as it didn't disturb my purpose there. I just had to be there by twelve p.m but I always got there earlier. It was a quarter to noon now, which meant I was running late. Thanks to my bestie.

The silent street got noisy at some point and I could make out the loud music and screams of joy. Another rich kid throwing a party, I guess. I glanced sideways at Chioma and watched her stare at her phone in admiration.

"Let me guess, your boyfriend." I stated in distaste.

I would have rolled my eyes too but she wasn't looking my way and that would be a waste of a good eye roll.

Chioma pouted and turned to me, nodding. I rolled my eyes this time. couldn't help it.

"I don't like him." I spat.

"Tracy it's you, you don't like any guy." she pointed out and asked with little curiosity, "What do you have against him this time around?"

"He wants to get in your pants." I answered bluntly causing her to gasp. "We all know what they really want and at this rate, it seems you'd happily give it to them."

"Tracy, I'm dating just one guy, not them. And you're no saint either, you're head over heels for Chinedu." she retorted.

I kicked a small stone with my feet up ahead.

"Stop talking about him like that. I've lost interest and he has a girlfriend now."

"Mhm. But if he noticed you and asked you out instead, you wouldn't have had to think twice about seeing him." she gave me a look that challenged me to disagree but I just slumped my shoulders and sighed.

My heart broke to pieces to find Marilyn and Chinedu together. They didn't bother hiding it with arms all over each other, kisses and cuddles and all that. I didn't and have never gone out with a boy. I just crushed on my seniors and him, but they refused to notice me and I would have to dig myself a six feet grave and happily sleep in it before mustering the courage to talk to them.

Besides, I also felt I would be portraying myself as a cheap thing with zero shame if I told them my heart raced and my eyes glued on them whenever they were around.

At first, I thought the reason was me being ugly but I've heard otherwise. Not that I have never been asked out, no. I've gotten tons of love letters to last me a whole decade, plenty of winks and catcalls my way. I just preferred my crushes to crushers whose anthem was Hey, fine gal!

"Okay, maybe I'm just jealous of you guys." I finally purred.

I had always disliked the idea of girls having boyfriends as a high schooler but at the same time, I wished I had someone to make me smile and feel special.

"Aw, Tracy. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone who will love you for you and you won't have to fight for it." she assured, smiling my way.

"You know your father would kill you if he finds out you're with a boy right?" I reminded her with a tease.

"Exactly my point." she replied, "He's always making a fuss and telling me to stay away from boys as if he's a good example of a father himself. I can't look at a guy, I can't have guy friends, I can't talk to a guy. All because of what? I'm a born socialite but here I am being a nun against my will, not to mention how you're the only excuse I use to get out of that prison called home. Abeg, I'll live my life the way I want."