First Time For Everything [WangXian FF]

16

Yanli looked at the wall clock in the kitchen out of habit. Her eyes widened when she noticed she had completely lost track of time because she was too absorbed in teaching Wen Qing how to cook. She was a good student, easy to instruct and willing to try everything even if it was clearly outside of her comfort zone. Not that she taught her anything beyond a beginner's level, but still. 

"Oh no! I am late! Sorry Q, but I gotta rush... Oh my God this mess.." Yanli shook her head as she looked around, "nevermind I will clean it tomorrow. I don't have time to tidy up now"

"What's the hurry, Li? It's just 8 PM."

"Yes but it's late for me.. " she said and then started gathering her stuff as she rushed about mumbling to herself.

Qing caught a few of her words, "..he will be angry", "..how can I be so irresponsible?", "...this is completely my fault". Qing had had enough, she grabbed yanli as she tried to rush past her. "Hey hey hey! Calm down.. who's going to be angry? Your boyfriend?" she enquired.

"Uh yes.. he should already have reached by now... I need to make dinner for him.."

"Li.."

But Yanli kept on rambling so Qing did the only thing that came to her mind, she pulled Yanli close and hugged her tight.

"It's OK. Just breathe, alright? Slow and steady..."

Yanli followed her instructions and took deep breaths, feeling the cool air rush into her lungs as she felt Q's arms around her, caressing her back. The hug calmed her down a bit. She liked being held, being comforted. She had always been the one to take care of everyone. Her parents were busy people so it was up to her to take care of her younger brothers. Now that they had grown up, they did everything to care for her but she was the oldest so she felt if she told them about her problems she would be a burden to them. So she bottled everything up. Until tonight, she had never shown this side of herself to anyone. It felt good to be taken care of for once but she had to leave. "I really need to go now, Q. Sorry for abandoning mid lesson.." she hung her head.

"It's alright, b. How are you planning to go home?"

"...bus..."

"OK. Let's lock up"

They closed the cafe, and then Q walked her to the bus stop. They said goodbye and promised to see each other again soon. All the while in the bus her thoughts were a mess. After getting down at her stop, she walked home quickly.  

She was actually dreading the feeling of going back to the place that she called home. She felt more like home at her cafe, but hey, that was life, and this was her decision. No one forced her hand. And while she was submerged in her thoughts, she found herself home.

She opened the door and tried to walk in as quietly as possible, not wanting to start another altercation with Zixuan. But after a glance into the bedroom, she found out that Zixuan was in the bathroom. It was a little strange that he was taking a bath this late at night but she didn't think of it much. She put her bag on the bedside table, and realized that Zixuan's phone was vibrating non stop. There was no name on the caller id, which usually meant it was someone not important enough to earn a name on his phone.
The phone light kept on blinking with incoming notifications. She considered answering it but Zixuan never allowed her to look at his phone. He said she was not allowed to invade his privacy. She turned around but the phone vibrated again. Maybe it's something important? she thought. After a few seconds of deciding she went to receive the call. But the moment she held the phone, it stopped vibrating, and instead, a message popped up.
 
ZiZi, I miss you. Are we still on for tonight? Come soon and fuck me..
 
Yanli froze. She couldn't read the whole message as the phone was locked. She re-read the message over and over again until the phone's display turned off on it's own.
She felt numb all of the sudden. She could feel the chills creeping in. Her fingers trembled, and it made them curl involuntary from the coldness. She felt like she just wanted to curl up and die from the pain that stabbed into her heart so suddenly.
 
She was still in that position when Zixuan came out from the bathroom.
"Li? I see that you're home. What time is it? Anyway, I have to go out in a while, so you don't have to cook tonight." he said while drying his hair but receiving no anwer from her, he looked towards her. "What's the matter? You looked like you've seen a ghost" Zixuan, dried his wet hair and walked to her side.
She handed over the phone to Zixuan, still stunned by the sudden revelation of his unfaithfulness. After all this time, she thought at least he was faithful, and this proved how wrong she actually was.
"You got nonstop calls from an unknown number, that's why I picked it up, I thought it must be something important." Zixuan took his phone nonchalantly, as if he knew Yanli wouldn't dare open his phone. "It stopped when I picked it up. But I saw the message." Her tone dropped a few degrees.
"Hmm? What message?" Zixuan still acted like he didn't know what she was talking about, but Yanli knew better now, by the slight tremble on his hand. She just couldn't believe that he had the gall to deny even after he was caught red-handed.
"The message from someone unknown, demanded you to come over and fuck her?" She didn't give a damn either.
"What are you talking about, Li? What message?" He tried to dodge, but his eyes clearly betrayed him.
"I know you know that I know, so please, do not pretend anymore. Show a little shame. I just want to know. Since when?" She knew she was trembling, and her voice caught on a sob, a sign that she would burst into tears soon.
Zixuan looked at her for a long time, before he finally answered. "6 months ago."
"6 month? 6 months you have been cheating on me?" With the finality of his words, she could feel her heart break into pieces.
"Why?" The tears were now streaming down her face, and she didn't have the strength to hold it in anymore.
"Why? I don't know, I just felt...bored...with all this domesticity. I need some challenge, I need adrenaline, I need something to make me feel alive." He shrugged, as if talking to a petulant child, and walked away to get dressed.
"You can take a fucking bungee jumping lessons, or skydiving if that's the only reason!" She couldn't help but scream now.

"Don't make a scene. It's all your fault anyway. You're such a plain jane. There is nothing about you that attracts me now. Maybe once upon a time it did but now.. it's all so bland."

"Then why agree to marry me? If I remember it was you who proposed!"

"Yes, I did propose. You have all the qualities of a good housewife, you're docile and obedient. But you're not good enough for me. I am a Jin... I deserve much better."

"And what about me? Don't I deserve better?"

"I am the best you can get Yanli. I provide for all your needs, spend money on you, even allow you work at that stupid cafe of yours... I take care of you in every way possible."

"Allow me?" she asked quietly, all fight going out of her.
Zixuan sighed. "I'm going out. No need to wait for me. Go to sleep Yanli. I know I need other women to take care of my needs but I always come back to you, don't I?" He walked to her then and caressed her head like she was a child. "We will talk about how you can improve yourself when I get back in the morning." With that he left her standing in the bedroom, silent tears streaming down her face. She suddenly felt like puking so she rushed to the bathroom to empty it all out.

She dry heaved until everything inside her hurt. Then she got up, washed her face and looked at herself in the mirror.

Is this what I have become? A boring housewife, who needs to improve herself to keep her man?

She shook her head. This was too much for her to handle. She needed to forget tonight. So instead of changing into her pajamas, she grabbed her purse and stepped out.
 
-----
 
She arrived at her destination still in a daze.
Purgatory.
She smiled ruefully at the bittersweet remembrance of how often she had come here in the past, before Zixuan. Back when times were simpler, when she was still a young and carefree student.
As she entered, her gaze took in all the things she had missed. The food at Purgatory had always been amazing. Looking at the crowd now, it seemed the bar had improved for the better over the years. She went directly to the bar enjoying the ambience which was not too vanilla but not too rowdy either. Plus her eyes had landed on the new added mechanical bull that she was dying to try.
She straightened her posture, and ordered an apple martini, extra dry with a side order of spicy wings, hers and her besties' favorite, plus a whole pitcher of beer.
 
She was on a mission to get sloshed tonight.