You Betrayed Me

Dear me

Thursday

Dear me,
    Yesterday I had lunch with Dom. If you remember, the last time I talked about Dom was around two years ago. I remember saying that if I ever saw him again, I will never forgive him for the damage he caused me. That I will make him feel just as bad as I did when he left me. But that all changed three days ago when he suddenly showed up at my school. When I saw him I felt nothing I thought I was going to feel when I saw him again. I wanted to throw up, not because I was disgusted or anything, but because I felt angry. Angry at the fact that I thought he would be starting a career, getting engaged with some beautiful woman- a woman his age- I hoped for so much to be able to forget about him. Anyway, turns out he didn't even know I live in Wattford, he happens to have a cousin attending there. I gave Dom a second chance, after all, everyone deserves one no matter how bad the things they did were. He didn't do anything bad, just the fact that he left without saying goodbye. I'm soon planning on telling him how I really feel about this whole relationship because be honest, it doesn't feel like before: fourteen-year-old me would be more than happy to take him back- would even start planning a whole wedding, but that kid died three years ago for many reasons. It's not that I don't want to be with Dom- I do, but not like this. What's the difference? We are still together, we are friends, we are in a relationship. Truth is, it changes the dynamic of our relationship. If we were just friends it would be a lot more easier. I would be able to tell him stuff  I wouldn't tell my boyfriend- and sometimes, I wouldn't tell my friend about the things I talk about with my boyfriend. But Dom is basically both of them, I'm not completely open up about everything. The worst thing is that I feel guilty and I have no idea where that is coming from. Well, I do, but I just think I don't want to accept it. Chase is the reason why I feel guilty because if I remember correctly, I talked about him five days ago. I wrote down that he was a hot, arrogant asshole with no life because he's always invested in mine. Whatever, the point is that Chase is making me feel things I haven't experience before, things I don't feel for Dom-which is slightly weird- after all, he is my boyfriend and the only one I should be feeling that kind of connection towards, but I don't, and that's the problem. Part of me wishes that Dom had never entered my life again, but who I'm kidding? I've been dying to talk to him ever since he last sent me that email. Hell, that email. It's been three years ever, and it never fails to feel like it was sent yesterday.

Flashback:
"I'll be in my room." I stand from the couch where mom is grieving from my father's death.

"I'll get started on dinner," she nods and stands up as well. "I will let you know when it's ready, honey."

It's been three weeks since Dad died and the thought of it makes me go back to the night it happened. It's almost as if it's telling me that it was my fault for calling him to pick me up, punishing me if I'm being precise.

The worst part is that my best friend, Cassie, also passed away not even a month ago due to leukemia. I just lost three of the most important people in my life in less than a month.

I say three because just two days ago I found out that my boyfriend moved away, not with his parents, though. He left just like that.

No goodbye, no reason, he just suddenly disappeared.

I'd be lying if I say we had the perfect relationship, but Cassie, his sister died, he became a little more aggressive towards anything that annoyed him.