I Am Here (UNEDITED)

Chapter 28

"Did you take the pills Andrew left you?" Gracen asked, trying to change the subject.
I did.
Delia answered, but there was a cold look on her face. Gracen was avoiding what she had said about Daniel needing to wake up. Thirteen though she may be, Delia had a high awareness as far as peoples expressions and body language.
"Is it ok if I stay and chat with you for a bit?" Gracen's wording made it a question, but his tone hailed as a statement that he would stay. And since that's what it was Delia didn't say a word.
"You know, I remember when you were a little? You were so bubbly and excited for everything. There was this one time that our family went to a local fair, you had this giant wand of cotton candy, nearly as tall as you. The look in you eyes when you bit into was like you had just gone to heaven, pure bliss. Of course afterwards you were a bundle of energy, scared us half to death when we turned for one some one and you were gone the next." Gracen chuckled softly in remembrance.
"When we were at home you followed the three of us around constantly, pestering us all the time. But if we are being honest, each of us was glad when you chose to follow us. Especially when your brown eyes would widen and you'd give us this look... like we were the best human to ever exist." Gracen said, thinking bitterly that that time ended way too fast and now there was no way to go back.
"I know the moments I mentioned make you sound like an angel, but you had your temper tantrums and mischievousness like any other toddler." Gracen seemed to be trying to recall a memory  and then he continued, "There was this one time that you took your crayons to the living rooms white walls, Dad knew you were to quiet so he popped his head into check on you. You had created a massive picture across the entire wall, you had even stacked some of the encyclopedias from the bookshelf to reach the higher parts. Of course, you claimed that you were just doing or family portrait. Dad and Mom made you clean it all up, apologize and took away your crayons for a whole month. Since Daniel was old enough to have a phone he had snuck a picture of your artwork, and we got you to tell us which part was who. We nearly choked laughing when you pointed quite seriously to a pink geyser and said it was dad. You weren't to happy that we found it amusing, so you deflated us with the explanation that, 'pwink's my favowite.' That shot down our laughs pretty quickly. And there was this other time—." Gracen paused his retelling as he noticed that his baby sister had fallen asleep. Smiling wryly Gracen placed her journal on her  night table besides a pencil eraser and sharpener, then proceeded to gently and slowly place her comforter over her. Once he tucked her in he crept out the door into the hallway and shut her door. Walking towards his room he couldn't help but think about how peaceful she looked when she was sleeping, it was only then that he realized that Delia had always been tensed around them, even when they considered her relaxed. Gracen placed a hand on his chest, there was a pang there like someone suddenly spawned a nail in his heart. He knew that he had to be patient with Delia and the twins, but some of him still wished that everything could have been simple. That they would have immediately hugged them when they meet, that they asked for things, whined and shared their opinions. Because right now even though they answered questions and seemed excited about things, they never actively shared their views or opinions. But relationships at there best still take time to build, Gracen repeated in his head. He walked into his room only to see Daniel sitting in the corner of his room, with the lights off, if not for the light flooding from the hallway and through the doorway, Gracen wouldn't have been able to tell that it was his eldest brother. After his first heart attack at the age of 23 Gracen walked in and sat on his bed. Daniel would tell him what's on his mind when he was ready.

"Gracen, am I a jerk?" His voice sounded thoughtful as if he couldn't decide for sure himself.
"Without a shadow of a doubt." Gracen responded without hesitation.
"Be serious." Daniel said, the no hesitation meant that he was just saying it to be a real brother.
"I am, sort of. Look Daniel you are a pretty decent guy, you have morals and you stick to them. But lately you haven't your judgement is clouding and causing you to act in a way I would never have expected you to." Gracen responded seriously. Seemingly taking in his brother's comment Daniel was quiet for a couple minutes before asking, "What exactly have I done, that lead you to this conclusion?" Gracen rolled her eyes at him, was he being serious? Realizing that his brother really didn't have a clue Gracen decided to pity the fool and explain. Calmly, Gracen pointed out his degenerating behavior towards their youngest siblings especially after he found out about the abuse, how he became less and less sympathetic as more and more of the horrors they went through were discovered, how he had insulted Delia, knew she heard him and didn't apologize. Daniel listened for the most part sometimes though he would interrupt to defend himself and his actions, but Gracen each time was able to point out the fallacies in his way of thinking. Near the end Daniel looked furious, but kept quiet.
"I don't know when you decided you could attack me like this. Maybe I wasn't a perfect brother, but I never hurt them!"
"What you mean brother is that you never hurt them to the extent that our mom and their stepdad did. The bar the set is infinitely lowers than any sane human would set it at." Seeing that his points weren't getting through Gracen said his last piece and began to get ready for bed, ignoring Daniel's presence.