I Am Here (UNEDITED)

Chapter 52

Delia sat in front of the almost complete mural on the back wall of her room. Putting headphones in she began to play some songs from the playlist Hunter had shared with her. Nodding along, she ignored most of lyrics mostly just listening to the overall rhythm it gave to the song. The mural itself look mostly completed however their were some additions she would have to make if she wanted to leave the messages she had prepared for her brothers. 

Her strand of thought began to drift. There were many of them that drifted through her mind, but they all passed through quickly nothing really sticking, nothing staying. As soon as she felt she could reach out and grab it it had already drifted past her and she focused on the next one. 

Breathing deeply Delia tried to calm herself down. She is fine. Her plan was intact everything was fine her brothers were safe and she had managed to anger Gina enough for her to expose some of her true colors. It was only slightly, but it was still progress. Delia is ok. She didn't need her brothers to change their minds and completely side with her she just needed them to be alert and begin to doubt their mother. She is doing fine. There was no reason to be overwhelmed or pressured or sad. Everything is good. She is good.

Carefully Delia began to examine her emotions, her mental, and her physical well being. It was a hopeless task. The harder she tried the more she got confused and the more anxious she got causing her to get even more upset. The cycle repeated itself until Delia physically couldn't bring enough air into to comfortably fill her lungs. 

Black spots began to flash in her vision sometimes turning a bright silver before going back to black. Panic began to claw itself into her stomach making her want to dry heave. All the while her oxygen was constantly being depleted. Because of the loss she began to loss feelings in her hands, only occasional tingling shooting up her hands to tell her the her hands were still attached to her. Her mind was to busy trying to figure out what the heck was going on to try and figure the correct course of action. So Delia remained in her spot. When the urge to vomit tickled up the back of her throat she on instinct grabbed the garbage can that had been close by to discard paint covered paper towels. 

To avoid and infuriate Gina, Delia had skipped lunch meanings she was running on an empty stomach making the hurling into a dry heaving session, only some liquid was expelled. Delia attempted to halt her, but all that resulted in was her stomach clenching over and over again as she continued to throw up nothing. 

Finally it ended and Delia collapsed to the ground her eyes closed and her head dizzy from pain, confusion, and lack of food and water. Tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes. Maybe if she knew what had brought all of this on it would have been fine. But there was no indication that she was about to lose it before she did. Maybe that's what panicked Delia the most. She had no where to turn for answers, there was no preperation she could make for the next occurrence. She had no control over anything even her own body's reactions. 

Delia had always known she was broken that she wasn't normal. That the world she perceived was different from what others saw. That she was a pessimist. That she had trust issues. That she was a failure. But somehow she had always convinced herself that there was something she could change or at least try to change. That all mattered were the decisions she made that her body was the only thing she could control. Even when her "parents" stripped her of her dignity and bruised her body, she still told herself that it was her choice. She chose to let it happen, to protect the twins, to keep their life constant and "safe". 

But when her body betrayed her. When she couldn't force her body to move even more into the way of her parents punishment to shield the twins. When she couldn't talk. When she couldn't make herself sleep nightmare free. She began to see how little control she actually had. How little it would take for her to be incapacitated, for her only be able to take anything and everything passively. And with pure despair present in the depths of her heart Delia cried herself to sleep.