Not So Scary (Punk L.R.H. |au-ish|) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 53

                            Chapter 53

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This the end of the second week Luke has been out. I hate to say it, but I am losing hope every day he lies there, unmoving.

You were my gravity
Now my world is shattering

I just feel so helpless. I want to do something, anything. But I can't. There is simply nothing I can do now. I just have to wait.

Every hour feels like a decade.

And even though feel almost hopeless I still go back to the hosplital every day just in case he has woken up since I was at school.

But that hasn't happened. Not yet.

Not yet.

That's the only thing I have to hold on to.

---

I drag my feet up to the door of my house after they kicked me out from th hospital.

The loneliness and silence of my house only makes me feel worse.

If mom was here she would be trying to cheer me up. She would of course be sad too, but to her that didn't matter. All that mattered to her was me being happy.

I wander into the dark kitchen that would've been full of life only a handful of moths ago.

The familiar felling of water rolling down my face returns, me thinking of what used to be.

Why does the world hate me?

What did I do to deserve this amount of pain?

I want to call Rachel but I know she has plans with Calum.

Right now I feel so alone.

It's hard to even imagine the feeling of happiness. The feeling of everything being perfect. The feeling of carelessness. The feeling of pure joy.

The feeling of anything but sadness seems impossible to grasp right now.

I slide to the floor of my unlit, dark house. I look down at the pale and fading scars on my wrists, just barely illuminated by the white light of the moon.

I told myself I would never go back to that. It was an addiction. It controlled me. I can't go back down that dark path again.

I needed to be strong. When Luke fist saw them he looked so sad. But I told him I was better. He was relieved and told me that if I ever needed someone, he would be there.

But he is not here. I can't talk to him. He can't comfort me now.

The other side of my brain kicks in:

No no no. I can't do this to myself. I promised to stay away, far away.

Hurting myself, inflicting pain doesn't help. It doesn't heal.

Nothing will. The sad side comes back.

I stand up and go to my room. I crawl into the cold covers and try to turn off my brain.

It doesn't work.

--

I wake up and something is off. I don't know what, but something about today just doesn't feel right.

I would go and see if Luke is okay but: one, the visiting hours of the hosplital haven't begun so it's not like I could get in there anyway, and two, I have school.

Now I know that school is nowhere near as important and Luke, but I am trying to actually try senior year and besides,  I'll see him as soon as school is over.

I get dressed into the first thing I can find that doesn't smell bad, grab my things, and head out.

Arriving at school the feeling remains. A sort of sinking feeling, like dread. But it's just my brain, right? Nothing is wrong.

Right? Please tell me I'm right?

"Hey are you okay? You look... distraught." Michael greets me.

"When did you swallow a dictionary?" He just continues to look at me blankly until I answer his question. "Yes. Well.. no. I don't know."

He tilts his head slightly as to question.

"Well maybe it's just my head but I feel like something is wrong. I don't know what, maybe Luke? But I just don't know. Am I making any sense?"

"Uh... A little? He's probably just fine Nik. You wanna go check now?"

"No no you're right, he is probably just fine. It must be my mind. Ya know, always thinking of the worst possible scenario or sonething."

"Could be." He says as we enter our first class..

--

School just ended and I swear it was the most stressful day of my life.

I almost fly to the hospital and run through the uber clean white halls, on the familiar track to my boyfriends room.

I turn the corner to see doctors entering.

"Hey, what's going on?" I ask a man who seems to be guarding the door.

"I'm sorry mam, but I am going to have to ask you to leave." His monotone voice seems to anger me.

"What's going on?" I say louder, "why can't I see Luke?"

I try to get in but this guy blocks my way.

What the hell happened?

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Lukey? What happened to Lukey?

Story time!
So when this lovely app decided to update it also decided to deLETE ALL MY BOOKS FROM MY LIBRARY! THEY LEFT ME 8 OUT OF MY NEAR 200 BOOKS! t[•'.'•]t

♡love all of you beautiful people♡

xx
Noelle