Not So Scary (Punk L.R.H. |au-ish|) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 57

Chapter 57

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Four days til Christmas and Luke and I haven't talked since our fall out, about 6 days ago. And it sucks.

Why does my life feel like a continuous cycle? Everything seems fine, things go wrong, we don't speak, we make up, and repeat. Over and over.

And it's tiring.

I just want my life to be fine and okay for once. For once can everything, or just anything, be okay?

I'm leaving tomorrow and going back to the states so I can spend Christmas with my dad. I have told everyone, but Luke.

I have tried talking to him a couple times, he has pushed me away every time. I have asked the other guys about it and he has been giving them the cold shoulder too.

Something is obviously wrong, but we can't seem to figure out what it is.

--

I land in London, Kentucky about noon. It sure doesn't feel like noon though. Jet lag is a bitch and I will continue to complain about it.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you doing?"

"I'm good dad. How about you?"

"Good." He glanced at what I was wearing, a tee shirt and jeans with vans, "you might wanna put on a jacket or something, it's snowing."

We pull up to my dad's house and the grass might as well not exist, everything is covered in a blanket of white, fluffy snow.

Stepping inside, we shake off the snow that has gotten on us. I miss the heat of Australia already. We take my stuff up to my room and my dad leaves so I can get some rest.

Instead of sleeping, I end up just laying there thinking over everything that has happened of late.

I feel so trapped and I don't even know why. I just don't know anything right now.

I try to see our argument from Luke's point of view but I can seem to even imagine what he was possibly thinking at the time. Yes, I know the word that came out of his mouth mean something. But there must've been so many others running through his mind, he doesn't just blow up like that.

From what he said, I am preventing him from being happy.

Me being in the situation prevents him from being happy. So, I need to extract my self from the situation. Then he will be happy. And I will be happy because he is.

--

Christmas came. It was not nearly as happy as last year. Something was missing.

Someone was missing.

I was happy and yet so sad all at once.

Mixed feeling suck.

--

Before I know it, I am boarding fight 665 back to Sydney. The week with my dad was extraordinary uneventful, which was good in a way. His girlfriend, Debbie, was actually a pretty cool person. She could never replace mom, but she is certainly not the worst.

The entire flight I can't help but hear Luke's words echo in the back of my mind.

"Why can't you just let me do this? Why must you keep telling me to stop? I want this. This makes me happy."

It's driving me crazy.

I didn't even need my headphones for lyrics to float through my head.

Say what you mean, what you mean
Cause you'll be happier without me, without me, without me,

So you go on and I'll be happier, I'll be happier
You go on, you go
You'll be gone, and I'll be gone
You go on and I'll be happier, you go on and I'll be happier

A tear slid down my cheek before I could catch it. I stared out the plane's tiny window as I tried to figure out how in the world I was supposed to do this.

--

The next day I am standing in front of Luke's house, scared out of my wits, wondering how on earth I was going to do this. It took enough effort to get here.

After maybe 5 minutes of just standing and staring at his door, I knocked. Seconds later it was opened by the one and only Luke Hemmings. He looked shocked to see me there.

"Hey Nik." He says. I am still collecting my words when he continues, "Look, I'm-"

"No. Listen to me." I have to say this now or I never will. "I've been think a lot about what you said, and you're right. I am standing in the way of your happiness." Must I tear up now? "So, in order for you to be happy, I need to leave. All I want is you to be happy. So, goodbye."

I turn and quickly take myself down his steps and across his lawn, not wanting to let him see me crying.

"No Nik! Please wait!" He comes after me. I face him and put up my hand to make him stop.

"You don't have to pretend anymore, you can be happy without me. Okay?" I smile at him through my tears. Then I started to leave again, only this time running. I couldn't stand it there anymore.

"I wasn't pretending." I thought I heard him say. But that was more than likely just my mind, making up what I wanted to hear.

I make it around the corner of his street and put my phone up to my ear. I control my breathing before they answer.

"Hey Connor, can we hang out? Like now?"

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And this update is late again I'm sorryyy.

In case there was any kinda confusion, Nikki broke up with Luke. ¡-¡

I can't think of anything else, so I love you guys, and I will update ya'll in a few days!

xx
Noelle