To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 21

The rest of the evening passed in a haze of bizarre conversations that I did not want to take part in but was forced to.

The fondness they all felt for Killian was evident and even though I felt terrible for having to lie to them, I managed to smile and drink and even eat what Killian had fed to me. He'd been particularly attentive to my needs tonight. He gave me the attention that delighted his family, so much so that they awed and cooed a few times.

Nonetheless, as soon as I was out of that room, a massive wave of relief washed over me. I finally exhaled properly without having someone snap their head to me when I did.

"Why don't you go up to the room while I see Eve to hers?" Killian suggested, his hand interlaced with mine as we walked down the hall. He didn't let go even though no one was following us. I didn't have a problem with it either so I let him.

"Sure." I nodded.

"I won't take too long." He assured me and let my hand go before walking away.

Releasing a sigh, I padded back to the room on my own. The guilt set in just about when I entered and sniffed in the sweet scent of lavender.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to forgive myself for lying like that. It irked me, extremely irritated me, and If I was a good person I would've confessed right after dessert but how could I when we'd come this far?

I supposed it was a little too late now since they'd bought the idea of us being a loving couple.

I placed my earrings on the table along with my necklace and then stripped off my clothes before walking into the bathroom for a much-needed bath.

I turned on the faucet and let the bath flood with water as I stood by the mirror and audited my nakedness.

Although my pregnancy hadn't fully pronounced itself yet, I still noticed a few changes. Like how tired I usually was, how often I got back cramps, how heavy my breasts were, and lastly, how sexually frustrated I was.

Although, that last one wasn't entirely because of my hormones. There was just something about Killian that even if I hated him, I couldn't stop myself from being sexually attracted to him.

I guess that was why I found him fascinating at the club that night. That was why I let him take me so fiercely that I thought I might die.

Blowing out a breath, I walked back to the bath, turned off the faucet, and sank into the warm water. It tingled my skin, reminding me of the jolts that had passed through me every time Killian touched me tonight.

He'd been extremely nice tonight, treating me differently. Of course, I knew it was all an act but my aching sex didn't understand.

My skin tingled and I rested a hand on the swell of my breast, stroking gently. My hormones were crazy right now. And I shouldn't be thinking about screwing my baby's daddy but that was all I could think about at the dining tonight.