To have and to loathe

• 𝐄pilogue

A month later.

Giving birth was the easy part— the heart-stopping contractions. Sweating like a donkey and trying to push while being spread out like some farm exhibit with strangers gawking between my knees. The yelling, the bleeding. Having my vagina stitched—it didn't seem terrifying at all.

Know what was?

Having to deal with all this baby weight that came after.

I cursed my misfortune, turning to look at myself sideways in the mirror. After my pregnancy with Ryan, my body has yet to regain its original shape and for me, that was pretty devastating.

"What's taking so long?" Killian asked, as usual, walking into my room unannounced but I was too annoyed to care if he saw me standing in my underwear or not.

"What's wrong?" He strolled with lith grace towards me, and I found it ironic how he got to look this perfect while I carried all the scars and weight that came with birth.

"The dress I picked out didn't fit. I feel humongous."

"Hope." He sighed and stared at me through the mirror as he hugged me from behind. "How many more times do I have to tell you I love you this way." He pressed his lips to my neck. "You're beautiful." He trailed tender kisses passed my exposed shoulder. "Very stunning."

Icy chills danced down my spine. I flushed deep crimson. "You think so?"

"Yes, I do." His lips spread into a slow, feral smile as he ran his hands down my arms soothingly. "It doesn't matter to me if your baby weight never leaves. You're beautiful and I love you." He spun me around and pressed my body against his with a startling grip that screamed need and hunger. "Everything about you right now is perfect."

The fact that he was trying very hard to make me feel good made my stomach flutter. With a widening smile on my face, I clasped my arms around his neck and went on tiptoe to press my mouth to his. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"I'll say more if you kiss me like that again." He mumbled, nibbling on my bottom lip. And then, with stunning speed, he scooped me up and placed me on top of my vanity table.

I yelped when my back touched the cold glass. "Killian, my mum is downstairs." I reminded him quickly whilst coming short of breath.

"It doesn't matter." He dipped his head toward mine, his breath hot as it danced over my parted lips. "I'll be quick."

"It always comes back to sex with you doesn't it?" I teased, trying not to think about the bubbling warmth in my stomach.