Claw's Bridge(Discontinued)

82. Impulsive

"So we spoke to Lana a week before you and Yoongi left," Namjoon started. "We asked her what kind of things you liked besides flowers."

Hoseok brought out the teddy bear that we had found in my ship. "She said something that you can find comfort in," he said. "Now I know that it's from your ship, but Hitzor doesn't really have anything like this, so we picked it up that day. We were planning on giving it to you as a present, but Lana said your birthday is a month away from now."

I took the dark brown bear in my hand, the familiar material triggered a series of flashbacks in my mind. The bear that my father had hid in the shop before my execution. That could have had him killed if someone were to find out.

"T-Thanks," I said, softly, running my hand through the faux fur that was now matted.

"W-we can have the fur fixed. I don't think it's supposed to look like this," Namjoon said.

"N-no it's fine. I-" I cut off mid-sentence, frowning at the small zipper in the back of the bear. I flipped it over and unzipped it, revealing a message.

I will always love you. I'm proud of you, Jeon Jungkook.
~Dad

My breath hitched at the message. He cared. He really did. He neglected his family, yes. But he never stopped caring.

"Are you alright, Nighter?" Hoseok asked, worried. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, not fighting when Namjoon gently took the bear out of my hands. "Oh! Well that's peculiar!" He said, playing with the zipper. "Is your last name Jeon, Nighter?"

"Yeah," I said. "Call me Jungkook."

-

I held the bear close to my chest, curling up into a fetal position. "So they found your bear on your ship?" Lana asked, hugging me from behind.

"Yeah," I replied. I turned around to face her. I unzipped the bear and gave it to her to see. "He never stopped caring. Look."

"Oh... Bunny, I'm so sorry," Lana said, reading the message.

"I was so mad at him for not caring, but he cared. He just couldn't be there," I said, taking the bear from her and hugging it tightly. "Now I can't even apologize to him for the way I treated him."

She stayed silent, pulling me into a hug. "I'm sure he knows. He wouldn't have snuck the bear on to the ship if he didn't know that you loved him," she comforted.

I sighed when the door opened. I pulled away from her and looked at a smiling Namjoon. His smile was cute, very genuine. "Hi N-Jungkook," he greeted. I smiled at him.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked him.

"Um... Jisung needs your help in the medical room, Lana. Some people got hurt while training," he said, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. Once Lana left, he looked at me. "You're... I..."

"I know. Come on," I said, patting the area beside me as I sat up. I was impulsive, I knew what was going to happen, what I was going to do, I knew. I was trying to push it back, but I knew I couldn't hold back for too long. "Do I really need to be watched? I'm not going to run away."

"I don't think they're worried that you'll run away," he said.

"They? What about you?" I asked.

"I think you were being impulsive at that time. Breakdowns usually result in impulsive decisions. I don't think you're suicidal," he said.

"Can you feel impulsive without a breakdown?" I asked.

"Yes, it differs vastly among people. For some people, when emotions get too hard to handle, they shut down, become numb. For some people, their mind becomes desperate to gain control over what they feel, so they can get impulsive. Of course, there are many more ways how people react to emotions," he said.

"Oh," I said, softly. "I didn't know that."

"Do you not get bored?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. "We all have some kind of work that keeps us busy. Added to that there's training. Do you not get bored?"

"Well I spend most of my time in the library. My English is good, but I still need to work on it. The rest I spend in the garden or I work out in my room," I replied. "Most of the time it's boring, so I try to sleep. Though I usually fail, I can't do anything about it."

"What kind of things do you like to do? Maybe we can set something up for you?" Namjoon asked. I shrugged.

"I haven't explored anything outside my jobs. People of my rank aren't allowed to do that," I said, ignoring the heavy feeling in my chest. I sighed, not fighting my impulses anymore. I swiftly moved and straddled the grey-eyed male. "Can I kiss you?"

He looked shocked. I bit my lip, letting him process my question, while fighting the urge to kiss him without his consent.