Claw's Bridge(Discontinued)

86. Nice

(TW: Emotional content. The entire chapter deals with emotional stuff, so please make sure that you're in the mindset to read it.)

"This is nice," I commented as Hoseok and I walked in silence at night. "I feel more at ease."

"I'm glad you do," he replied with a smile. "It's been a while since I've gone on peaceful walks."

"How long?" I asked.

"Three years, give or take?" he voiced out. "Ever since Seokjin became the King, we've all been so preoccupied with maintaining our positions as princes. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until you came. Then our priority shifted."

I stumbled a little on a tree root, as we walked deeper into the forest, but caught myself. "Why would you prioritize me?" I asked.

"Well for starters, we all know that adjusting to change is hard. I can't imagine how hard it must have been when you came from a whole other planet. Also you were fighting the bond, so we wanted to show you that it's not that bad. We were trying to prevent you from hurting yourself by rejecting the bond," he said. "I guess we hurt you more than the bond would have."

"Yeah you did," I commented in a soft voice. I spoke louder. "My life on Jupiter was worse, I don't think anything can top that."

"Doesn't make it right," he said. "we should have listened to you rather than forcing you. I guess we didn't know how to handle the situation because it doesn't happen here. People accept... people."

"Makes sense," I said. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"Just... Thank you," I said. I proceeded to joke. "Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," he said, playing along.

I genuinely appreciated Hoseok's explanation. He didn't know, but his words meant a lot to me. I felt relieved, my mind cleared out a little. HIs explanation acted as some sort of closure to me. My thoughts no longer fought with one another, it was... calm. It felt good. I had never gotten closure, except my breakup with Lana. But that was different. Hoseok's words gave me some sort of closure. It was temporary. It was always temporary, but it was relieving to not have a clustered mind all the time. I really appreciated Hoseok.

"Do you want to take a break?" I asked him, noticing how his posture was slumped. He wasn't tired yet, but he was a few minutes from it. Surely his feet were paining. "Do you want me to carry you to the top?"

"Do you think I'm incompetent of walking?" he asked, dramatically gasping. I chuckled.

"Yeah. Surely your age doesn't make it easier for you," I mocked him. I laughed, dodging a playful hit to the shoulder. "Sit down."

We sat on a root, against the trunk, after making sure that there weren't any insects. "So what are your thoughts on a bond?" he asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

"Did I not make it obvious enough?" I asked in a playful tone. "I don't want the bond."

"No, not the bond between us, a soulmate bond in general," he clarified.

"It's nothing good. I don't see the point of a 'perfect' relationship. I want the thrill of a trial and error relationship method. Imperfections are what make the relationships worthwhile and fun. Being forced into a relationship is just suffocating when it's not what you want," I explained. "Falling for someone slowly can be heart warming. The anxiety of not knowing if someone likes you back sucks at that moment, but it's fun to look back on in the future. It's worth it."

"Sounds better than I thought," he commented, resting his head on my lap.

"It is. You're free to do what you want, you're free to explore your sexuality," I said. "I know for a lot of people, they feel free in their bonds. Personally I find that stupid. They don't know what it feels like to know that you're capable of falling slowly and repeatedly. The soulmate bond makes you think that with only one person can you be truly happy, but I don't agree with that. People shouldn't rely on their fate to make them happy."

I stopped talking, closing my eyes. I inhaled the scent of the forest. So fresh, so relaxing. I wished I could live there forever. "What kind of bonds have you been exposed to? Don't get me wrong, I get your perspective, but it almost seems as if your exposure to soulmate bonds is repulsive," he pointed out.

"Where I grew up, it wasn't a happy place. I was surrounded by soulmate relationships, but none of them were healthy. I'm surprised that Lana and I don't share the same mindset as the people who raised us. Soulmates on Jupiter were abusive, using the bond to their advantage to get their way. If one mate was imprisoned, the other would be as well, even if they didn't deserve it," I said. I sighed, knowing what I was going to tell him could interrupt my plan. "My parents fought all the time. My father tried to make us happy, but his wife wouldn't have it. She just wanted more, and she wanted me gone. My father was rarely home, his job as the Knight refrained him from living with us. When his wife realized that the only reason my father was with her was because I lived with her, she took her frustration out on me."

Hoseok sat up and positioned himself beside me, our sides touching. "You don't have to continue. It will strengthen the bond," he said, lightly holding my hand. When I made no signs of protesting, he tightened his grip.

"Thanks," I mumbled, closing my eyes and resting my head against the tree. "To conclude, I've never seen a healthy soulmate relationship."

"But you have been in a healthy relationship without the bond," he continued my sentence. "You and Lana."

"I really did like her. I didn't love her, she didn't love me. But our relationship meant a lot to me. It happened too fast," I said. "I didn't expect to lose her so quickly."

"And you never got the space to grieve," Hoseok said. "Because the bond pushed you into us the second you knew we were mates."

"Yeah," I said. "I moved on, but I don't know if I'm able to cope with the changes. I have never been susceptible to change. I can't cope with it."

"And everything just overwhelmed you. You had a breakdown," he finished.

"I'm better now," I assured. My voice was strained. The topic was sensitive. "I feel better."

"For how long?" he asked.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"What happens when you're overwhelmed once again?" he asked.

"Let's just hope that I don't kill myself," I replied, a dry laugh escaping my lips.

(My DMs are open if anyone wishes to talk. <3)