Innocent (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 21

*LOUIS' POV*

Fucking Kathryn.

Why would she say she doesn't believe in love?
Why would she say she doesn't believe in happiness?

What about me?

Did she know how much that hurt me?!

I know now that I never made her happy at all.
I never made her love herself.

I know now that I never made any difference being there for her.

She said she didn't like me.

This whole time I saw us as best friends and she never even liked me?!

Tears were on the verge of falling from my eyes as memories began to flood my mind.

The first time I went to her house, and she cried because of the sorority... I helped her out.

I comforted her.
I was there for her.
And she says she doesn't like me?!

And the other time when she came to my house, when she could've bloody died.
I could've just left her out there.
I brought her in, and I took care of her, and she doesn't even fucking like me?!

A loud car horn interrupted me from my own thoughts.
I quickly turned the steering wheel, causing many drivers to give me the middle finger as I continued down the road to my flat.

Once I got home, I tried my hardest to forget about Kathryn and everything that happened.

But every word she said kept haunting me, and repeating inside my brain.

Why does she have to mean this much to me?

*KATHRYN'S POV*

I felt bad after what I had said to him.

I don't know if I actually meant that...

Sometimes I just say things to hurt people.
Even if it's all a lie.
.
.

I had to walk home.
I hadn't done that in a while, so it was quite an odd feeling.

But it gave me time to think.

"Do you really think you'd be better off alone?!"
Louis' words echoed in my head as I walked.

Would I really be better off without him?
Or did I just want to hurt him?

Tears filled my eyes as I looked down to the ground.

"Idiot... idiot... I'm such a bloody idiot..." I thought to myself.

I always fuck everything up.

It's been my fault from the start.
Not fucking Danny's.

I began to run.
Not to my house, but to Louis'.

I wanted to fix this before I made it any worse.

As I ran I thought of what I could possibly say to him.

It could be quite difficult because he is most likely angry with me.

"I have to say sorry." I thought, "I'll tell him everything. I'll tell him why I don't believe in happy endings, and why I'm so secretive of that notebook, and why I'm such a bitch sometimes.
I'll tell him the whole story."

Once I approached his house, I started to get a bit nervous.
My heart was racing, and my hands were shaking as I reached slowly to knock on his door.

What if he doesn't answer?
What if he doesn't want to talk to me?
What if he just ignores me?

I panicked once he didn't answer after a couple minutes.

I knocked again desperately, with my heart in my throat.

I don't know what I'd do of I wasn't able to fix this.

"Please... Louis it's me..." I choked, as I knocked on the door again.

The door opened, and there in front of me stood Louis.

Except he was almost entirely naked.

His light brown hair was in a terrible mess... which was his sex hair as I should call it.

There was a beige sheet covering his body, but I could still see his incredibly tanned chest and a couple tattoos that were on his chest, and arms.

My mouth was open, but now all that I was planning on saying to him had been lost in the cold air.

I had just interrupted Louis and Jessica's session with my obnoxious knocking.

"Why are you here Kathryn..." Louis began.
I looked up at him to see nothing but annoyance in his features.

Was I really going to have a deep conversation with Louis when all he was wearing was a thin bed sheet?

"N-never mind... I can see that this is a bad time... just- just forget it..." I spoke.
I turned around and walked down the steps that lead to his door.
"Wait! Kathryn... I-"
I looked back at him to see he had nothing to say.
What could he possibly have to say anyways.
So I turned back around, and began my walk back home.

"Never mind telling Louis anything... he has Jessica. He'll be better off without me." I told myself.

"But you won't be." My subconscious warned.

"It doesn't matter if I'm okay or not... If he's happy then that's how it's going to be." I replied.

He has Jessica... it's not like I matter that much to him anyways.
I had to stop being so selfish.
.
.
.

Once I got home, I tried to forget about it.
I tried to just pretend I never met him.

But I just couldn't.

Not after all we had been through.

"This is why you don't get friends Kathryn.
Friends cause pain.
Friends make you feel like the worst person in the world."
I groaned as I lied on my bed.
.
.
.

Wednesday, November 20, 2015

Dad,

I don't know why I decided to be friends with Louis.
I fucked it up as always.
I know you would tell me that I shouldn't give up, and that I should try to talk to him about it.
Well I did try, dad.
But he was too busy having sex with his girlfriend, and I just simply embarrassed myself.
It was a mistake for me to ever meet him.
We kissed.
I made him cheat on his girlfriend.
I'm literally the worst.
I should just go.
I should just leave the world...
I don't even know why I still try.
You gave up, so why can't I?

~Kathryn

{this is actually really sad WTF KATHRYN. and I'm listening to moments while writing like seriously
Ok but anyways YAYYY I DID AN UNNECESSARY UPDATE
Thanks for reading this ily if u did please comment/vote if u enjoyed ^.^ ok byee