Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 11

Lan Wangji was agonizing over what he should do to make Wei Ying feel better again. It was more than evident that his impromptu approach and demand for the boy to come with him had caused Wei Ying to be stressed again. And when he had just managed to calm him down and see him happy for once! He wondered what he had done wrong.

Well, not exactly, he knew what had scared Wei Ying like this. He had not said why he wanted the other to come with him and what they were about to do. According to what he knew about the boy's past, Wei Ying must have just been imagining the worst possible scenarios. From his nervous and hunched into himself look, it was clear that the thought of several relaxing hours of reading in the library were not on his mind at all.

At this moment, Lan Wangji would give almost anything in this world to understand what the boy was feeling and thinking. Since he would not talk to him, it was hard to tell and it was making Lan Wangji very uneasy. He wanted to help so much but he could not tell in which way it would be stress free for Wei Ying. Really now, what could he do if the boy was constantly on alert and fearing every single motion he did?

No, that was not entirely true, realized Lan Wangji a second later. It was not that Wei Ying had been scared of everything, he was most probably just uneasy about not knowing what Lan Wangji wanted him to do or expected from him. It must have been exactly the same as when Lan Wangji was not comfortable with Wei Ying's silence. His own lack of words was surely at least one of the causes for the boy's stress, if not the only one right now.

Yes, that must have been it. He just had to tell the other about what they would do next, in that way, Wei Ying would be able to not overthink everything as he would know for sure.

Lan Wangji almost wanted to hit himself on his head. Why had he not thought about this before? He had already decided yesterday that he had to start talking to Wei Ying more and he had already forgotten about it until now. How was he supposed to overcome his lack of communication skills when he would not even try? Shame on him for forgetting this easiest way to express his intentions and reassure Wei Ying at the same time.

Of course the boy would be scared if he had only been told to follow Lan Wangji but not what they would do. Lan Wangji could be taking him somewhere he would not like, he could be taking away his moment of happiness to never give him another break like this again, he could be ordering him to do some duties the boy would not like at all. Or he could even have been dissatisfied with something and wanted to punish Wei Ying to vent his anger.

Lan Wangji was sure that all of those and even more had happened to the boy in the past and had caused him to lose all trust in his supposed masters. Even though Lan Xichen had explained that Wei Ying was not truly a servant in the Cloud Recesses Manor, Lan Wangji was almost certain that he had not believed them and still considered the Lans as his masters.

If what Lan Wangji was suspecting – or more like knowing with nearly a hundred percent certainty – was true, than Wei Ying had all the reasons to react in this way to his simple 'Come with me'. He had been such a fool and only realized his mistake way too late, after the damage had been already done. Was there something he could do now to at least limit the impacts? Or had he just ruined his whole relationship with the boy and the oh so fragile trust that Wei Ying had had in him?

There was no way he would be able to guess that on his own, unless the boy would give him some more telling signs or would actually talk to him. It however remained very unlikely. That being the case, all Lan Wangji could do was try to remedy his mistake and hope that there was still time to do so before the relationship between him and Wei Ying would be damaged for good.

He looked up and realized that he had been so deep in thoughts that he had completely missed how A-Yuan had come to be passed from Wei Ying's arms to Mo Xuanyu's. He must have been musing for far longer than he would have liked. And all the while, Wei Ying was standing there, all tense, waiting for what would happen next, fearing the worst.

Once again, Lan Wangji berated himself for his hesitation. He had to speak up or it would truly be too late. He took a deep breath, organised his thoughts and prepared what exactly he wanted to convey. Then, he finally spoke: "Wei Ying, let us go to the library."

He deliberately used us instead of only himself. He wanted the boy to realize that he was not talking about him following behind and waiting on his master. No, he needed Wei Ying to understand that he wanted him to come inside the library with him, as equals, and to enjoy his time there.

When they had been searching for the boy yesterday, they had found him in the library in the end. But Lan Wangji would have bet that the other had not had time to read anything, much less relax and enjoy the calm and freedom he so rarely got a taste of until now. They had found him passed out on the ground, and with a terrible fever too. It was very sad that Wei Ying loved books and reading from what Lan Wangji could tell but did not get to really do it. He wanted to change that now.

Once he let out that very short but hopefully sufficient explanation, he observed the boy carefully. He wanted to see if Wei Ying would relax at least a little bit and understand that the happy time they had just had had not come to an end, they were just changing the scenery. The boy should not be spending so long outside. His clothes looked quite thin and after yesterday's storm, the air was actually quite chilly after the two hours they had spent with the rabbits. After all, it was still only morning, it would probably get warmer in the afternoon.

Lan Wangji's heart almost jumped out of his chest when he saw that even though Wei Ying's head remained lowered and he flinched at first, his posture relaxed almost immediately after just the slightest bit. The anxious expression on his face hidden behind his bangs had morphed into a mask of utter confusion. If the situation was any different, it would have actually been funny. Like this, it was simply heart-breaking. But at least he was not so scared of him anymore which was eternally better.

The next second however, Lan Wangji's heart dropped all the way onto the ground. Such acrobatics could not have been healthy for him but he could just not help being sad right now. Although Wei Ying's expression was of relief, he was bowing. It was something that Lan Wangji really did not like to see. The boy should not be so grateful to him for just this much, he should not be thanking him this earnestly. It was extremely heart-breaking to know that he had truly meant it as none of his previous masters had most probably ever allowed him any free time or time to rest.

"No bowing."

Lan Wangji repeated the sentence he had already become familiar with in the short time since Wei Ying had come to live in the Cloud Recesses Manor. Luckily, the boy obeyed him immediately and did not tense up again. Well, small victories also counted, Lan Wangji thought and relaxed as well, leading his companion out of the courtyard and towards the library. He was secretly happy when Wei Ying did not hesitate and walked by his side instead of far behind him.