Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 18

Lan Wangji led Wei Ying to the library he had shown him just the day before. He was happy that the boy was now relax enough again to walk by his side and not behind him like a true servant. He could of course not be sure if the other had taken it as an order that he could not walk anywhere else or if he believed that he was now permitted to be less deferential and subservient. He would probably never know unless Wei Ying would decide to tell him himself which was nothing short of impossible at this point.

Although the boy was now slowly becoming more open, would from time to time raise his head, look at him or smile, he was still not talking. Lan Wangji was asking himself if he could somehow help him to regain more self-confidence and trust in him so he would not feel afraid of opening his mouth.

It had actually been less complicated when he had believed that Wei Ying could not speak because of some physical disability. But now, Jiang Yanli had confirmed that he could indeed talk and his voice was only locked away due to his mental state and the fear that had been installed in him from a very young age.

Knowing this, Lan Wangji thought the boy was really pitiful. Not only he had been made a servant, more like a slave really, who had been stripped of any free will and passed around, he had also had his voice and happiness taken away. Lan Wangji was sad that he had not known about Wei Wuxian's situation earlier, perhaps then, the Lans could have been able to help him and the damage would not be so devastating. It was more than clear to him that what behaviour and habits the boy had been forced to acquire during his childhood would go away only slowly, if ever.

But at least he was now looking better and more relaxed than two days ago which Lan Wangji took as a definite improvement. He hoped that a leisurely visit to the library which the boy seemed to have liked very much previously would be helpful in easing up his fears even more. He wanted to show him that he was truly not servant here in the Cloud Recesses Manor. Wei Ying needed to understand that he had all the free time he could ask for and that he could spend it however he wanted.

Lan Wangji's heart ached knowing that Wei Ying had such a long way ahead of him. He was imagining how terrible he must be feeling right now but he was afraid that he had no way of knowing the full truth. His imaginations surely only scratched the surface of that deep ocean of hurt and betrayal in the boy's heart.

Lan Wangji sighed internally and had to blink several times to get rid of tears which threatened to fall out of his eyes. He should really not be constantly thinking about negative things. He should be looking towards the future instead and do his best for Wei Ying to also free himself of his horrible past.

He opened the door to the library and showed the boy go inside. Wei Ying stiffened for the briefest of moments and Lan Wangji just knew he was studying him from behind his bangs despite not being able to see his face quite clearly from the angle he was standing in. He made sure to look very neutral and only waited until the boy decided to enter the room.

He was a little alarmed when Wei Ying's shoulders sagged while he did so. Lan Wangji took another look at him before entering the library as well, but it was already gone. Had he just imagined it? Why would the boy not be happy with being able to read now? It made no sense to him and it was bugging him. Only a few days ago, he would have disregarded such a minor fact, but he was talking about Wei Ying here, no detail was too small to not take into account. He had already learned that the hard way.

He closed the door behind himself, never looking away from the boy who stood now in the middle of the room, completely still so Lan Wangji was afraid if he was even breathing. He slowly circled around him – at a good distance so Wei Ying would not feel threatened by him – until he stood face to face with him. And finally, he was able to see the other's expression.

It was pure sadness and heartbreak which was radiating from Wei Ying's eyes despite the fact that the rest of his face stayed perfectly expressionless. He was not looking at Lan Wangji at all and unlike yesterday, he was not excitedly looking all around either. He just stood there, very quiet and still. Lan Wangji could not even guess what Wei Ying was feeling and thinking right now.

He was suddenly regretting his decision to come here. He had hoped that the boy would be happy and would relax even more after playing with A-Yuan and the rabbits. But it seemed like he had been greatly mistaken. He should have just let Wei Ying stay with the toddler if he could not relax without his presence. Had Lan Wangji truly miscalculated this time?

"Wei Ying?"

He tried to ask what was the matter and how he could make the boy feel better. However, his short words had not carried that meaning with them. And even if they did, Wei Ying would not have been able to reply to him. Lan Wangji wanted to slap himself. At least the boy did not flinch when being addressed, he just looked resigned now which was perhaps even worse than his previous heart wrenching sadness.

Lan Wangji was silently berating himself. He wished his brother was here and would help him in this situation. He was nowhere near Lan Xichen's level of expertise with words and his lack of communication skills was only too painful and obvious right now. Before he could however try to say anything more, perhaps phrase a real question in a way that Wei Ying would be able to answer it by nodding or shaking of his head, there was polite knocking on the door.

A second later, a servant girl came inside the library with a tray holding a steaming pot of tea and two cups. Lan Wangji had requested those on his way to here because he had wanted the boy to warm himself up after spending two hours outside. He could not bear it if Wei Ying's fever came back because of his negligence. He knew that the other would not request or prepare himself a hot drink otherwise. And he also wanted to have tea with him as well, he loved spending time with him and seeing his happy reactions.

He gestured to a low table on the side of the room for the servant to put the tea set there. She promptly followed his instructions, then she bowed to both him and Wei Ying and left the room.

Before the boy could go to the table and start serving Lan Wangji the tea, surely not thinking he had any right to drink together with him and thus not pouring himself a cup, Lan Wangji was way ahead of him. He sat down on one side of the table and took the pot, he filled two cups with the steaming tea.

When he put the pot back onto the table and sat up straight, he looked at Wei Ying. The boy still stood in the same spot, his eyes glued to the ground. Lan Wangji decided that he would not study him any longer and let him overthink everything. Instead, he made sure his voice was welcoming when he invited: "Wei Ying, come have tea with me."

He accompanied his offer with a gesture towards the other side of the table so it would be clear where he wanted Wei Ying to sit. He was thinking that he was perhaps exaggerating but then he remembered that he needed to be super clear with both his words and gestures for the boy to understand. He did not want there to be another misunderstanding between them.

Wei Ying went even more rigid than before, which Lan Wangji had not previously believed would be possible. Luckily, he did not start trembling or expressing any other signs of fear. His movements were careful when he approached the table and slowly sat down. His posture was still guarded but he was not so hunched into himself as the previous day.

"Drink," Lan Wangji prompted gently. And Wei Ying did. It finally put Lan Wangji at ease.