Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 29

With Wei Ying visibly in a state of utmost distress and having a fever, Lan Wangji was at a loss about what to do. Even though he was trying to have the boy stand up, it was to no avail, Wei Ying would just not budge. He only continued kowtowing with his forehead touching the ground and trembling like a leaf. All of that in a complete silence, it was actually quite scary.

Lan Wangji knew that the only thing which would help him right now would be to calm the boy down by talking to him. He had to reassure that nothing was wrong and that he was not angry with Wei Ying. He had to coax the boy's fears and make them dissipate.

He could still not be hundred percent sure about what had caused such a violent reaction, but he had at least some idea. He had been worried that the fact that Wei Ying made himself relax like this and was now blaming himself for such behaviour could be the cause. Perhaps also combined with other factors.

Lan Wangji should have been more attentive and thought more quickly. He could have avoided this scenario if he had only acted faster. Or if he had not told himself that inviting the servant girl inside in this kind of situation would be a good idea. Or if he had noticed earlier that Wei Ying was getting up and stopped him before he started kowtowing. He could not even tell at this point if Wei Ying's kneeling was supposed to be an apology or if the boy was expecting to be punished by him.

If that would be the case, Lan Wangji would not be able to bear it. He had never wanted to cause Wei Ying any harm but he failed to make the boy feel safe with him time and time again. Every single instance when he had said something, it only caused Wei Ying more distress. He did not want to see him kneeling like this again, it was too painful to bear.

Lan Wangji was wishing that someone was here with him, someone whom Wei Ying trusted and who could help him calm the boy down. He had failed so miserably that he should perhaps leave and not stress the boy out anymore. Maybe Wei Ying would calm down on his own if he was left alone?

No, Lan Wangji could not do that. It would feel like he would be abandoning the boy and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He would not be able to face him again if Wei Ying would have this impression of him. So the only other way how to help would be to explain, to coax and sooth the boy's nerves until he would understand that he had done literally nothing wrong.

Lan Wangji took a shallow breath, he was getting stressed out himself. He was in no condition to stop and calmly think about his words as he usually did. He had to speak right now or it would be too late.

But he could not. His throat was closing on its own. He was too afraid to say something which would push Wei Ying to even deeper distress. He remembered the time he had brought the boy to the library for the first time. How his words had caused him to withdraw into himself and have such a grieving expression. He was terrified to experience that again. He felt like he was starting to hyperventilate.

"Young Masters?" he heard suddenly the voice of the servant girl. She seemed terrified as well but was brave enough to try and help. Not like him, he was such a coward!

If he could not provide support to Wei Ying at this point, how would he ever be able to do so in the future? There was no way Lan Wangji could look at his reflection in the mirror if he stayed quiet now, especially when Wei Ying so dearly needed him. He started calming himself down by taking increasingly slower and deeper breaths. Luckily, it worked.

"Wei Ying..." Lan Wangji managed to whispered at last, he was truly at the end of his rope. If he could not get the boy stand up from the cold ground, his fever could become even worse. Not even mentioning his highly distressed state which was of course not helping either.

"Everything is fine." He added after a second of consideration. He remembered that it had worked wonders this morning. Perhaps it could again.

He tried to tug at Wei Ying's hands one more time while gently running soothing circles on their backs. There had been so many miracles happening lately, he was praying for one more. Luckily, it seemed like his last attempt actually worked, just like this morning. Wei Ying's hands were still tightly pressed to the ground, as was his forehead, but the muscles under Lan Wangji's fingertips were more relaxed than a second ago. This was going in a good direction.

Encouraged by his successful attempt, Lan Wangji spoke again, his voice barely louder than a whisper. He tried to channel into it all the reassurance and calmness he could. Although greatly distressed himself, Wei Ying needed him right now. Lan Wangji had to do his utmost best.

"I am not angry."

Finally, he had found the root of Wei Ying's worries. Upon hearing this, the boy's forehead left the ground by a few centimetres and his head tilted slightly to the side. Lan Wangji could swear that the boy was trying to see his face and judge for himself whether what he had just been told could be true.

Lan Wangji concentrated on maintaining a neutral expression. It would not do if Wei Ying would not be convinced that he was indeed not angry. He was not sure if he was capable of making any other expression right now. He should have perhaps tried smiling to convince the boy of the sincerity of his words. However, he could not find it in himself to do so. He was too afraid of failure. His facial muscles felt like they belonged to someone else and he was not about to risk anything by trying to move them.

After what felt like an eternity, or maybe two, Wei Ying's hands relaxed ever so slightly. Lan Wangji hoped that it was a sign that the boy believed him. He let out a sigh of relief. He did not know what he would have done if this had not worked.

The boy's hands were now more pliant under his own and Lan Wangji could finally hold them more securely, not just touch their backs. Previously, they were so tightly pressed to the ground that he could only put his palms over them but now, he could actually hold them properly. He did not hesitate for a second and did just that.

He was shocked by the amount of sweat on the palms of Wei Ying's hands. They were completely soaked, be it because of the boy's previous panic or because of the fever. Lan Wangji completely disregarded this fact in favour of gently taking Wei Ying's hands into his own. He did not know if the boy would now be more willing to stand up but he still decided to try.

Two things happened at the same as he did so: there was a soft 'oh' coming from the direction of the door and Wei Ying stilled yet again, seemingly barely breathing.