Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 73

"Thank you," mouthed Wei Wuxian to Lan Wangji, hoping with his whole heart that his master would understand even without him having to say anything aloud. But the other's reaction was confusing at best. Lan Wangji's eyes went wide open, however, even after several seconds passed, he did not do anything else. And Wei Wuxian was still holding his breath, trying to see if his master actually understood him or not.

Sure, it would have most probably been very hard for anyone to notice him moving his lips and to actually read them. It had been truly a desperate attempt from Wei Wuxian's side. His heart was dropping more and more as Lan Wangji did not say anything and did not move a muscle after Wei Wuxian's attempt at silent communication. He had been putting a lot of faith into this but it seemed like it was not working as he had hoped.

Had perhaps his master not been looking at his lips? Wei Wuxian was becoming anxious all of the sudden. He had really wanted Lan Wangji to understand him and had tried the best he could under the current circumstances. Or had he moved his lips too quickly for his master to be able to read the words he had intended to pass? Or, and this possibility was making Wei Wuxian stressed the most, had Lan Wangji not wanted to communicate with him in the first place and was now purposefully ignoring him?

It was one thing if his master was kindly and generously taking care of him and staying by his side when he was not at his best. However, it was surely another thing entirely to want to talk to someone like him. Lan Wangji was a young master of a renowned and well-off noble family, who was Wei Wuxian to even try to talk to him? He was only a lowly, uneducated and crude servant despite having been told that he should now work as Lan Wangji's companion. Had he perhaps displeased his master by overstepping his bounds too much?

Wei Wuxian could still not find it in himself to look away from his master's face though. He was desperately searching for any signs of understanding and wary of seeing anger or disappointment. He discovered neither; his master's features remained completely expressionless.

Wei Wuxian was thinking fast. If his master was not angry with him, perhaps he should dare to repeat his attempt? Maybe Lan Wangji had just not been paying attention to him earlier and had not seen how he moved his mouth to articulate words? Should he say them again?

Wei Wuxian was in utmost inner turmoil at the moment and he could not tell which option was the correct one. After all, there was still the dreadful possibility that he would displease his masters one too many times and would be send back to the Lotus Pier Manor.

After much consideration which all happened in a span of a single second, Wei Wuxian decided to try his luck again after all. He wanted to believe that Lan Wangji's lack of reaction had been caused by him not seeing anything and not by being angry at him. Wei Wuxian was truly desperate to pass on the message and express just how grateful he was for everything his master had done for him. If not for his strong desire, he would have probably never found the courage to even open his mouth again.

With heart full of determination and fear – even though he had dismissed it earlier, the possibility of Lan Wangji not wanting to understand him was still very much present in his mind – he took a deep breath at last and parted his lips to articulate once again.

Suddenly, a finger landed on his mouth and he was left speechless. He got the fright of his life; he was so shocked that he completely froze, even his mind was not working. And that was the only good thing about all of this because he could not immediately spiral down and kowtow to his master to beg for forgiveness for offending him. He could not even jump into believing that Lan Wangji did not want to listen to a word he said – or articulated – and was making him shut up.

Before he found his bearing, his master said in a low and exceedingly king voice: "There is no need for a thank you. We have done what everyone should have."

The words only brushed over Wei Wuxian, he could not process them in the state he was in right now. The reality was only catching up to him. He realized with no small surprise that his lips were once again free and he quickly mouthed a single 'Sorry'.

He felt completely heartbroken. He had offended his master after all. Now Lan Wangji would snatch his hand back and leave the room, and before Wei Wuxian would know it, he would be already on his way back to the Lotus Pier Manor. He had really messed up this time, he had he not? In just one heartbeat, all the happiness fell apart and he had only himself to blame for it.

He went even more rigid than that heartbeat ago, he did not even have it in himself to lower his head and show just how sorry he was. He wanted to cry over what he had just destroyed Had Madame Yu not told him that he always ruined everything? She had been right all along it would seem. He should finally listen to her once he would be back home. Now he had done it and there was no going back.

"No apologies either."

Lan Wangji's stern and grave voice threw him out of the abyss his mind had fallen into. Wei Wuxian's eyes focused on his master's face, he was once again desperately trying to find any clues to what his master's mood was at that moment.

He was confused now. He was sure that Lan Wangji would just leave like that and never come see him again. However, his master not only stayed where he was, but also held his hands tighter, as if he never wanted to let go. What was this situation about? Wei Wuxian was feeling completely out of his depths and he could not catch his breath. All he could do was gazing into those golden orbs and praying to all the gods to not be misunderstanding the situation.

When nothing was happening still, he was feeling more and more powerless. He was staring at his master and his body was all tense, it would not even tremble anymore from all the shock he had just suffered. He wanted to jump out of the bed and kowtow, to hug his master's legs and kiss his boots to beg him to not throw him away. He wanted to do anything to keep Lan Wangji by his side. His body was not listening to him though and he could only lay there and pray silently to anyone and everyone who could be listening, and most importantly, beg Lan Wangji himself to show mercy just as he had been doing all this while.

Then, the unimaginable happened. It was actually his master who lowered his head and looked apologetic. It shocked and confused Wei Wuxian even more. He could not understand anything anymore. Why would it be his master who was apologizing?

It was only at that point that the words Lan Wangji had just said caught up with Wei Wuxian and were finally processed by his brain. And Wei Wuxian understood everything. He had been the one who had jumped to conclusions once again, he should not do that in the future. His master was not trying to shut him up and chastise him, he had in fact been thinking only about him and trying to show him that no thanks were necessary. Wei Wuxian did not quite agree with him but that was another story altogether.

Seeing that Lan Wangji was apparently beating himself up for talking harshly to him, Wei Wuxian's heart melted. He could not stand seeing his master like this, it was unsupportable.

He had no idea how he could make Lan Wangji stop bowing his head to him and show him that he did not mind in the slightest. He was overflowing with happiness, his master cared for him so much he could hardly believe it. But he did, it was clear as day, right in front of his eyes now. His mind was going a thousand miles a second to find a way to show his master his feelings on the matter. He really could not stand it when Lan Wangji looked so down, because of him no less.

In the end, he only could find one way. He gently squeezed his master's hand to attract his attention. He was a little taken aback when he saw how his master's eyes were full of sadness. That would simply not do. Wei Wuxian made his best to smile warmly and he nodded his head. He did not know if Lan Wangji would be able to understand that he was telling him to let the matter go, but he hoped so. To make his point even clearer, he nuzzled at their joined hands.

A second later, he knew that it worked. Lan Wangji's lips parted in a smile of his own and his eyes softened. His free hand went to pat Wei Wuxian's and the boy immediately knew that everything was fine again. It was only then that he could finally start breathing properly, he had finally managed to communicate with his master even without words.