Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 12

When Mo Xuanyu came all the way to him, Wei Wuxian was very grateful to him for saving him from this unfavourable situation. He was even more relieved when his friend reached out his hands in a gesture that clearly invited Wei Wuxian to pass A-Yuan to him. The child in his arms was warm and welcomed but he knew he had to let Mo Xuanyu take care of him.

He did not want the toddler to have to witness how he was performing his duties. A-Yuan had such a kind heart that he would surely cry if he saw how stressed out Wei Wuxian would be in just a few minutes. Even though he had gotten better at hiding his discomfort and fear throughout the years, they were still painfully obvious when it came to him interacting with dogs. He did not want to give his masters any reason to be upset with him, meaning that he had to perform his duties as quickly and seamlessly as he could, but he had never found it in himself to be able to behave the same when he had to face those furry beasts.

He had never forgotten how he had been chased by them relentlessly as a homeless child. He knew how cruel they could be and how much it hurt to be bitten. Even the most behaved puppy always left him a shivering mess when he imagined what a vicious creature it would one day become. He shuddered only thinking about dogs, especially those vicious ones that the Wens kept and that he had to take care of.

He took two deep breaths when he realized Mo Xuanyu was looking at him with worried eyes. He had to calm down, it would not do if he caused a scene right here and now, it would inconvenience his master too much. He did not want to think about his past encounters, it was enough that he would still have to go take care of the Lan family dogs now. He did not have to stress himself out before he would come in contact with those frightening animals. He would just have to do his best then.

He closed his eyes for a short moment, taking another deep breath to collect himself. Mo Xuanyu's hands were still there, his friend was waiting to take the child. Wei Wuxian looked down at A-Yuan's face and for a fleeting moment, he actually hesitated to pass him to Mo Xuanyu. The toddler was the only thing keeping him away from the dogs at the moment.

He however quickly remembered that even though his master was very kind to him, it was not his place to disobey him. If Lan Wangji had told him they were going, he had to follow. His personal feelings and worried were completely irrelevant.

He glanced at his master who luckily did not seem to be getting angry. He only had a thoughtful look in his eyes, he was waiting patiently for now. Wei Wuxian gave out a sigh of relief, there was still time for him to act as an obedient servant should.

He nodded his head in Mo Xuanyu's direction to show him that he was extremely grateful for his help. He would not have even been able to go to him on his own and pass the child to him while leaving Lan Wangji's side. He had to stay next to his master and follow him as he had been told. He could not start acting up despite having faith that Lan Wangji would not punish him for being made to wait. He just did not want to displease this master of his; not out of fear but because of the respect he had for him and because he wanted to be good for him and not disappoint him.

Not hesitating anymore, he gently passed the child to Mo Xuanyu who nodded in turn and smiled at him. Finally, Wei Wuxian was free to follow his master and go about his duties without any worries for A-Yuan's wellbeing.

His heart was a little bit sad though. He already missed having the child in his arms and listening to his relaxed breathing. It was calming him down quite a bit. And he had just had so much fun with him too. He knew he should not be entertaining such thoughts and should instead be grateful for what he had been allowed to get, but he could not help himself. He should not be longing, hoping even, for another moment just like this in the near future. He wondered whether his master would allow him to play with the child some time again.

It seemed like since this morning, his mind refused to listen to him. He was slipping in his discipline and breaking so many rules that if he was anywhere else, he would have already been punished at least a dozen of times. If not more since his transgressions just kept piling up. He was forgetting to walk two steps behind his masters – although this was actually ordered to him but still, should he be in the Lotus Pier Manor, he would have already heard about himself being rude and disrespecting his masters –, he was eating together with his masters, he was relaxing and not doing his duties, he was forgetting to keep his head down and not look nowhere near his masters, much less into their eyes. And perhaps the worst, he was having hopeful thoughts.

Of course, Lan Wangji nor anyone else knew about them, however, that was no excuse. He really should not even try to step up from his place, he should not be comparing himself to others when their situation could not be compared in the first place. He should not be feeling regretful or sad while watching others having something he knew he would never have. He should not be wishing for anything. And yet, for some reason, his own mind was betraying him, letting him hope and telling him that he did not want to ever go back to the Lotus Pier Manor or any other household beside the Lans'.

He was startled out of his self-berating by Lan Wangji's voice: "Wei Ying, let us go to the library."

For a long second, his mind stopped working altogether as he could not believe what he had just been told. Had Lan Wangji not wanted to go to the dogs' kennels with him to supervise him while he would be performing his duties? Had they not been supposed to do that immediately after they had left the infirmary? Why had his master changed his mind?

If it was anyone else but Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian would be wracking his head to understand what he had done wrong and why he would have to go to the library. He would have been wondering what kind of punishment his master had in mind for him. However, when it came to the second young master of the Cloud Recesses Manor, those thoughts did not appear. Wei Wuxian had already come to associate the library with good things.

He had after all been permitted to go there freely yesterday and had been allowed to read at his leisure when he would be finished with his duties. Though in the end, he could not really profit from that offer as he had angered his masters by falling asleep and then damaging the books. He was not allowed to go inside anymore.

So, why was Lan Wangji saying they were going to the place which he had had already been banned from? It was not making any sense to him. If it was not for punishment, he could not think about any other reason to visit the library. Unless...

Wei Wuxian actually could take a guess about why they would go there. It must have been actually a punishment and he would be allowed inside the room but his privilege of free access to the books would be taken away. He had already known that he would be given more duties, he would probably have to clean the library, arrange the books or something alike.

He relaxed immediately, almost unconsciously. He did not mind that it would hurt to be so close to the books but not be able to read them. It had after all been solely his fault for having his privilege taken away. That was fine, he was used to that already. And it was hundred times better than taking care of the dogs. It was a given he would still have to go there, but every second he was able to postpone it counted.

He bowed to show his gratitude and was not even surprised when Lan Wangji had gently released him from the posture by one of his: "No bowing." He remembered very well that he had been told not to bow to his masters but he could not have helped himself. His heart was overflowing with gratitude and he had to show it.

He straightened from his bow and followed his master when the other started walking away. He barely realized that he had hastened his steps a bit to catch up to him and walk by his side all the while his master waited for him. When it came to Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian was really forgetting himself and the rules he was supposed to follow all the time.