Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 71

Wei Wuxian came to himself and he immediately understood that what he had been dreaming about had actually been reality. He could not be mistaken; he could tell that Lan Wangji was still by his side, still holding his hand and still caressing his hair. Wei Wuxian was safe and comfortable and he never wanted to get out of the bed. He would be the luckiest and happiest person on Earth if he could just stay like this forever.

His desire was so strong that he did something he would have never dared to do should the situation be any different. Being with his benevolent, trustworthy and kind master gave him unparalleled courage. He left his eyes closed and pretended he was asleep simply to enjoy the moment just a little longer. Mostly unconsciously, he nuzzled against the hand which was caressing his hair feather light, he wanted to feel more of that special comfort. And he stayed like that, barely daring to breathe so his master would not be able to tell he was awake already.

Truth to be told, he did not have to pretend all that much. Sleep was still very much clinging to him and opening his eyes right now seemed like a heroic deed. Since coming to the Cloud Recesses Manor, he was really being spoiled, was he not? What master would let their servants dilly-dally this much? Never asking them to perform any duties and even encouraging them to spend half a day sleeping? Wei Wuxian could not understand what his masters were thinking, he would however never object.

Still half in his dreams, he mumbled to the Lan Wangji in front of his eyes, the dream one who kept him company while he slept: "Master, thank you." Even in this kind of situation when no one could actually hear him, he would never dare use his master's name to talk to him directly, that would be way too disrespectful.

He knew that he should not be saying it only in his head, he should express his gratitude to the real Lan Wangji who was sitting next to him in the real world. However, he still did not have the courage to actually open his mouth and talk. It was not because he was afraid that his master would tell on him to his family or that he would be punished. No, he was more afraid of failing. He had already tried several times to speak to Lan Wangji but it never worked out, his throat would become impossibly tight and he would not be able to make a sound. As things stood, he could only thank aloud the dream version of his master.

He was slowly regaining awareness of the real world and enjoying the real Lan Wangji's attention. After not even a minute though, he felt like he was taking advantage of his master's kindness. He had to open his eyes and let Lan Wangji know he was awake now. While being touched this gently was almost too good to be true, he could not stay like this forever. He had to keep his master company as he had been told by Lan Xichen. Hopefully, there would be more opportunities in the future for him to enjoy his master's attention.

He opened his eyes at last and blinked several times to chase away all the remaining sleepiness. His brain was working properly, but his body was so sluggish it was resisting any attempts at catching up to his mind and starting to obey him. He was too comfortable to want to move and had to actually will himself to do anything at all.

The first thing he recognized upon processing the input from his sleepy eyes was joined hands in front of his face. And not just any hands either. He was very much aware that two of those limbs, those which were clutching the third one in between them, were his own. Not that he spent so much time looking at his own hands that he would be able to recognize them this quickly – that was utter nonsense, when did he ever have time to leisurely study his body? – he finally got a feeling in them and could tell that they were his, no matter how surprising it was that they were clinging to someone else's hand, almost crushing it in the process.

He also knew whose hand was the larger, finer and snow white one. It belonged to Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian was holding onto it almost desperately. No matter how inappropriate it was, if Lan Wangji did not mind, he would not let go. It felt like a miracle that he was able to touch another human being without fearing the consequences of his acts. He had longed for this for the longest time and now that his dream came true, he did not want to let go.

After still a little dazedly marvelling at the sight of the joined hands and letting Lan Wangji pet his hair, Wei Wuxian realized he would have to move. Although he wanted to stay like this forever, having his master spoil him, it was not possible after all.

Slowly, he unglued his eyes from the joined hands and moved them up to look at his master's face. He had been hoping to not find there any signs of anger or displeasure and Lan Wangji did not disappoint him. If anything, the expression he was giving him was full of kindness, softness and encouragement. His master was also smiling and even if Wei Wuxian was not able to read his expression, he would have for sure been reassured just with that.

Wei Wuxian let himself drown in that smile and those sincere eyes. He was amazed that someone was looking at him and smiling at him with such sincerity and openness. Even Jiang Yanli would not do this, she was always too worries about him to be able to relax around him and put on a happy face. Not that she did not try, Wei Wuxian knew she had been doing her best for the longest time, but it was just not the same.

There was no pity in Lan Wangji's eyes, not like in his sister's, no matter how well hidden it had been. Simply put, his master was truly looking at him, as a person and as someone that he not only tolerated but perhaps even wanted to spend time with. He was not afraid to show his affection; after all, there was no Madame Yu who would yell at him for paying any attention to Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji's position was too different from Jiang Yanli's.

And Wei Wuxian could not be more thankful for it. This was the first time in a long while – if not even ever – that someone was actually acknowledging him and not seeing either a servant who they had to make obey them or a pitiful soul who needed soothing. This was so different from everything Wei Wuxian had ever known that he wanted to cry. It really was too good for someone like him. However, he was too much of a coward to reject the care and affection he had been longing for since he could remember.

He supposed he must appear silly to his master, just staring at him with open adoration and not being able to take his eyes away from his smiling face. But he simply could not. Now that everything he had ever wanted and secretly wished for was right in front of him, it was not possible for him to keep rejecting it, he was not such a strong person to do it. He was attached to his master like a thirsty baby who was seeking their mother to feed them with her own hands and love them.

In the midst of his fluffy and liberating feelings, completely overrun by one wave of endless gratitude by another, he could not contain himself anymore. He had wanted to thank his master for everything. It was so frustrating that just like all those other times he had tried to say those words to him, his throat tightened and he was not able to get out a single word. If his hands were not holding Lan Wangji's, he would have hit the blanket to let the frustration out.

After a moment of overwhelming regret and sadness that he could not properly say thank you and let his master know just how much he loved the small shows of affection and all the kindness he had been shown, Wei Wuxian was certain he could not go on like this. He had to find a way to express his gratitude, right now.

Since his voice would just not come out no matter how much Wei Wuxian tried, he decided to just go without it. Hopefully, his master would still be able to understand him. Without another moment of hesitation, he moved his lips and soundlessly articulated: "Thank you."

His master's eyes went very wide after this, Wei Wuxian believed he understood despite the attempt being very crude and surely not enough to show the actual depth of gratitude that was in his heart. Still, it was better than nothing and Wei Wuxian was glad that he could finally find a way to thank his master.