Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 41

"After that one instance Wei Wuxian had saved me, I finally understood why he would not approach me. I started observing him more carefully and noticed that for some reason, he was the target of almost everyone in the Koi Tower Manor. He must have not wanted me to get involved in that. I would have liked to somehow help him, but it was literally impossible for me.

So I did the only thing I could. I tried becoming his friend, or at least as close to that as he would allow. I knew he was not opposed to the idea, he had let me help him in the beginning, when no one had been looking. I just had to be careful and smart about it so I would not arouse anyone's suspicion and not scare Wei Wuxian away.

I would only approach him when I knew no one was around and at first, I would only greet him or give him a sign I was there. I was afraid that he would hide into himself again if I invaded his small world too quickly. Later, I could even have conversations with him or sometimes we would steal a moment or two just relaxing and doing nothing. Those fleeting instants were however very rare, and for that, they were all that more precious. I wanted Wei Wuxian to open up to me.

And it was working. Slowly but surely, Wei Wuxian started relaxing around me. We would often have conversations. Well, kind of, since he never said a single word, he communicated in other ways. I told him everything about my predicament and past and he showed me how he avoided being the target for everyone as much as he could.

Seeing him, someone of the same age as me, having the same fate really helped me to come to terms with everything. Things could be much worse and I started enjoying the fragile tranquillity of my situation. I learned how not to displease anyone and how to do my tasks up to everyone's expectations. I felt like we were two peas in the pot, just like my half-brothers had once called us; I felt closer to Wei Wuxian than to them, I considered him my own sibling and the closest confidant.

Despite everything, he would still get exploited, beaten or shouted at a lot. But there was a difference now, he would sometimes, albeit very reluctantly, let me take care of his wounds. I have also managed to convince him to slip into my room at night, when no one would see, so we could spend some more time together and he could have a better rest than on the hard and cold kitchen floor. He always left before me, that was fine however, I knew he only wanted to protect me in this way.

With Wei Wuxian at my side, I was happy. Perhaps even as happy as I have once been while living with my mother. Not that we had any freedom to act as children, we were still servants of the Koi Tower Manor, but we have found ways to sometimes escape that suffocating feeling and have some fun. Even Wei Wuxian was becoming more open. It was very subtle and almost unnoticeable but it was there nevertheless.

I should have known at that time that nothing good could last forever. I had been thinking that Wei Wuxian was just another servant of the Koi Tower Manor now and that we had all the time I needed to slowly break his defences so we could become friends. Alas, it turned out I have been wrong, terribly so.

One day, I was waiting for Wei Wuxian to come to my room as always for us to chat for a little before going to sleep. I waited for hours but he never came. In the end, I fell asleep on my own, wondering what could have happened to him. Was he perhaps punished like sometimes and asked to kneel in the kitchen for the night? Or had some of the masters invited him to wait on them during the evening? I did not know and it was making me worry.

Those and many other things would sometimes happen and Wei Wuxian would just go with that as if he was used to it. And most probably he was, he never run away from anyone bullying him and he only ever submitted if face of all the punishments and unreasonable tasks thrown at him. I believed that this was just another case of that.

In the morning, I went out of my room, secretly looking for him to see if he needed any help or for me to take care of any new injuries and bruises. I could not find Wei Wuxian anywhere. At first I was not worried, he could have been serving in another part of the mansion so our paths would not meet for the day.

However, this continued for several days in the row. Wei Wuxian never came back to my room and when I went to look for him in the kitchen at night, he was not there either. I did not see him during the day and I did not hear anyone talking about him either. Everything was the way it had once been before Wei Wuxian had arrived to the Koi Tower Manor. It was as if he had completely disappeared from one moment to another.

After a week of pointless and fruitless searching, I finally gathered my courage and asked the head servant about his whereabouts. She scowled at me furiously and only scoffed: "He was taken back." Then, she turned around and left me standing there completely confused.

I could not figure out what that 'he was taken back' meant. I had thought that Wei Wuxian was a servant of the Koi Tower Manor and that he had nowhere else to go. I started sniffing around a little bit, listening in on people's conversations whenever I could.

In the end, I learned that Wei Wuxian had in fact been a servant of the Lotus Pier Manor who was sometimes sent to serve in other households for several weeks or months. I felt sorry for him, he had just gotten used to the Koi Tower Manor, we were just starting to become friends! Why would he have to go back? And without as much as saying a single word of goodbyes? I thought we have been closer than that. It hurt a little to be abandoned in such a way.

Then again, I suspected that it had not been his decision to leave the Koi Tower Manor or to not say any goodbyes. From how he behaved, always so very scared of everything and everyone, so nervous about doing everything right and most importantly, so well trained so he would not even budge when someone was beating him, I could tell that his previous serving experience had not been too pleasant. From that day on, I have never heard about Wei Wuxian again.

A few years later, Lan Xichen from the Cloud Recesses Manor came and offered do take me in to serve here. Just like to Wei Wuxian now, he promised me a calmer and less stressful environment. He offered me help.

Needless to say, I accepted immediately, I wanted to get out of the Koi Tower Manor which was becoming more and more stuffy for me by the day. The power struggle between Jin Guangshan's legitimate children was at the worst ever and I, even as a bastard son, was seen as a threat with all my siblings wanting to show me my place.

From then on, I live here in the Cloud Recesses Manor. I have all the food I could ask for and everyone treats me well. I had a little difficulty believing that things would change for the better in the beginning; much like Wei Wuxian has now. But I do not have doubts anymore. Lan Xichen had even asked me what I wanted to do and treated me as a young master.

I could however not accept such post, I am used to serving and I would feel bad for not repaying the kindness that everyone here showed me. So I asked to take care of A-Yuan. It is not hard work and he is very sweet. I simply love it. I am also allowed to study and I am learning how to read and write now. The Lans are truly treating me well.

I want Wei Wuxian to also be able to believe that things would change for him. I have not been able to help him in the Cloud Recesses Manor, but I want to at least be there for him now. I have been only a child back then and did not know how to approach him properly. I still want to become friends with him. I want him to also start living a better life and not be so scared and deferential all the time, there is no need for that here."