Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 22

Wei Wuxian was still shaken what he had just dared to do. He had answered Lan Wangji's question and now he was anxiously waiting for his master's reaction. He was not at all sure what Lan Wangji would do after receiving it. He did not dare to even glace at the other and could only wait with his heart beating like crazy and his soul small.

It could be anything really. He could have just wanted to know. Or he could have been thinking about the best way to go around some kind of punishment and deny him what he wanted, although Wei Wuxian was pretty convinced that this was not what had been in his master's mind, the possibility was still there. Or, and this one was making Wei Wuxian the most anxious despite it being presumptuous to even hope for, he could have asked because he wanted to let him do what he wanted.

Wei Wuxian tried to keep the bad possibilities out of his mind as much as he could, but for the longest time, they were all that he had had. They were not so easy to not be thought about and banish from his heart. Here in the Cloud Recesses Manor, everything seemed to have turned upside down for him and he did not know how to act in such a new and completely unknown situation.

Before he could start spiralling down, he felt Lan Wangji gently squeezing his hand. This silent reassurance was so welcomed that he finally dared to tilt his head to the side and glance at his master. He was pleasantly surprised to find him smiling with that small upturning of his lips that Wei Wuxian had already come to associate with his kindness and all the great things he could ever hope for.

As if by magic, all the possibilities left his mind apart for the one; he now believed that Lan Wangji actually wanted him to be able to read.

But how would that be possible? Had he not been forbidden to touch the books here? Then again, there could be exceptions to everything. Could it be that Lan Wangji would allow him to pick up a book and read for a minute? Wei Wuxian's heart started racing even faster because of his anticipation, so much so that he was now afraid it would jump out of his chest. Lan Wangji must feel it too, he was still holding his hand after all.

And his master did not disappoint him. He nodded in his direction and his smile became wider. "Thank you for telling me," he whispered gently and squeezed Wei Wuxian's hand once again.

Wei Wuxian's mouth came open with surprise for real this time. He felt like his heart could not bear it anymore right now. He was so shocked and happy that he even forgot to breathe. No one had ever thanked him before. Certainly not when he had been living on the streets and stealing from food vendors to stay alive. Certainly not when he had come to the Lotus Pier Manor and was frowned upon by Madame Yu and consecutively by the majority of the household until he had become the lowest of the servants. And not when he had been serving other families who had not even treated him like a human being. The sheer concept of being thanked for something – all the more something like this! – was too foreign to him.

His head was spinning as he was still processing the situation. Could his master really be thanking him just for replying to his question? Usually, he would just be beaten for not replying correctly but here was Lan Wangji who actually cared so much about him that he wanted to know about his inner most feelings and desires.

Wei Wuxian had done literally nothing to deserve to be thanked for and yet, his master still did it. And he was also looking at him with such a kind and encouraging expressionn. He was holding his hand in silent reassurance and support and was so very sweet to him. Wei Wuxian truly could not tell if his heart was ready for something like this, without his consent, tears filled his eyes. Be it not for the warmth of Lan Wangji's hand on his own, he would have long assumed he was dreaming.

But as things stood, he must have not been. This was reality no matter how much he could not believe it. It was at this exact moment, that he had pledged his unwavering loyalty to this particular master.

He was still out of his depths and was basking in happiness that Lan Wangji had caused him with only two words when his master tugged gently at his hand and urged him to stand up. Wei Wuxian followed his directions. He straightened himself, forgetting for the moment to keep his head down and only gazing at the god standing in front of him. He did not even realize he was doing it, and neither did he notice that the corners of his mouth had shifted themselves into a wide smile, far bigger than he had dared to show until now. He was simply overjoyed with life right now.

He was still in a daze when his master let go of his hand. He immediately regretted the lost physical contact, but not for long. Lan Wangji gestured towards the shelves with books on them and prompted him: "Choose and read."

Wei Wuxian's brain felt like it had been completely brainwashed. He had forgotten all about what he had been taught and what rules he had been supposed to follow. He only wanted to please the master standing by his side right now. He wanted to obey him for the rest of his life, never to be sent to serve another master. He knew for a fact that he would love to do anything Lan Wangji wanted him to, he believed wholeheartedly that he would not be ordered to do something he would not like.

His legs moved on their own and he took several steps towards the closest bookshelf. When an encouraging "Mn" case from behind him instead of a reprimand, he stopped in front of the shelf and looked at the books. There was a small sting of guilt when he saw that the book he had thrown onto the ground yesterday – by accident as he had been sleeping and then jumped startled from his slumber – was neatly ranged between the rest of the shelves' content.

This feeling did not last long as he was no longer worried that he could not touch the books and his eyes were jumping from one title to the next. He was a little overwhelmed by the sheer possibilities. His master had just allowed him to choose anything he wanted and he was not about to waste this opportunity.

At last, he chose one title that fancied his curiosity. The book seemed like it would be a story about an ancient era when cultivators roamed the world, its cover did not leave any doubts about it either. Wei Wuxian had once loved such stories, when he had just been brought to the Lotus Pier Manor and he had been allowed to read and discover the world and its history and wonders through books. He felt like that young child again, curious and excited to get to know the story inside the book.

He sat down on the ground where he stood and run his fingers feather light along the book's spine. It really was a miracle for him to hold it in his hand. He was just about to open the cover ceremoniously and with the utmost care, he did not want Lan Wangji to find any faults in the way he was handling the books, when his master spoke to him again.

"Wei Ying," ever so soft and caring voice came from behind him and Wei Wuxian immediately turned his head to look that way. "Come sit here with me?"

It was not an order, or at least it did not sound like one. Lan Wangji was simply asking him, once again, if he would like to join him. There was no doubt or hesitation in Wei Wuxian's mind, he wanted to be as close to his master as possible.

He almost jumped to his feet and quickly shortened the distance between them. Lan Wangji was sitting in a comfortable looking armchair and was looking at him with that soft expression of his. Wei Wuxian could not help but to smile. His master smiled back.

His expression however fell when Wei Wuxian was about to sit on the ground by his feet. There were two armchairs here but he just guessed the was not allowed to sit in the other one and had thought that his master wanted him to sit by his feet. Why was Lan Wangji suddenly looking dissatisfied?

Wei Wuxian's brain did not have time to start coming up with any scenarios right then since his master simply gestured to the other armchair and once again looked at him with that expectant expression. Wei Wuxian did not think anymore and he quickly smiled at his master to thank him with a deep bow. He sat down on the oh so comfortable armchair and finally opened his book.