Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 21

Lan Wangji saw how Wei Ying was holding his now empty cup of tea and he could swear that the boy was looking at the steaming kettle with wishful eyes. Not that he could actually truly see what the other was or was not doing, Wei Ying's head was once again lowered so much that it was hard to him to catch even a glimpse of the other's face. He could only hope that he was reading him right.

He still could not quite get over the boy's sad and resigned expression when they came into the library. It had almost seemed like Wei Ying was not happy to be here again. By now, Lan Wangji was not inclined to believe that it was just because he had changed his mind, not with how genuinely happy he had been when Lan Wangji had told him that he could come read here whenever he wanted. That only left another option, something must have happened in the meantime which made the boy either unwilling, but more likely scared of this place.

Once again, Lan Wangji was at his wits' end about what he should do to understand the other boy. Since Wei Ying did not talk, communication was an issue. Suddenly, he could perfectly relay to those who only hardly ever wanted to talk to him. He also had problems when it came to keeping the conversation going and it truly got unnerving when he could not tell what the other party was thinking and could not even ask the good questions. It was now that he appreciated his brother's patience with him the most.

Lan Wangji decided that he would go with the most obvious now and would think what to do in the meantime. Since Wei Ying had not let go of his cup and was staring at the tea pot, it was probable that he still wanted another serving but did not know how to ask for it. Well, who was Lan Wangji trying to persuade, it was not that Wei Ying did not know how to ask, it was that he was scared of doing so. He probably did not want to trouble his believed master or he even thought he was not allowed to get more. Both were possible with what Lan Wangji knew about him until now.

He sighed internally and reached for the tea pot slowly in order not to startle the other with swift movements. Today was supposed to be a leisurely day for Wei Ying, no matter how much it had already not worked out. Lan Wangji was determined to make it all better and once again bring the boy to his previous joyful and carefree behaviour. After all, the boy only smiled once after leaving A-Yuan, when he got the second cup of the tea.

When Wei Ying finished his second serving, he put the cup back down and folded his hands in his lap. His smile had been short lived and there were no more traces of it anywhere now. Lan Wangji frowned a little bit, he was not sure if it meant that the boy did not want any more tea or that he had done so in order for Lan Wangji to not serve him anymore. The second option was actually quite disturbing and he could not just let it go.

He however decided to not pursue this line of thoughts right now. It would probably not lead to anything and he would only stress Wei Ying out. He was still worrying that asking the boy questions about his past could stir some unwanted emotions or trigger a reaction that he was sure he would not like seeing.

Instead, he opted for another subject. He dearly wanted to know if he had made a mistake in bringing Wei Ying here. He needed to find out if the boy would still like to read and was only holding himself back because he was not prompted or if there was something else he would like to do.

Though, it was easier said than done. Lan Wangji was not at all sure that asking just like that, with a simple question would do the trick. Since Wei Ying would not talk, it would have to be a question to which he would be able to reply by yes or no and that would not shed too much light into Lan Wangji's current predicament.

On the other hand though, he could not imagine any other way by which he would be able to guess what Wei Ying was thinking and what he wanted at the moment. It had been made painfully clear that the boy was so used to repressing his own desires and needs that he would not be able to decide for himself just like that.

Lan Xichen would know how to get him to relax and teach him to voice or show his preferences, in one way or another, but Lan Wangji was not his brother. He had enough on his plate with just trying to ask a single question, he would not be able to do anything more elaborate than that and he knew it. He was wondering only for another second or so however. He knew he should not let Wei Ying wait or he would start imagining all possible scenarios and stress himself out even more.

Here goes nothing he though and asked the other: "Wei Ying, do you want to read now?"

That was it, that was all he managed to put together. But it would have to be enough. He stopped with his internal struggle and paid his whole attention to Wei Ying.

Just as he had expected, the boy looked very surprised by the question and froze for a second. Why would he not when hardly anyone had ever asked him such a question? Lan Wangji was convinced that his previous masters had not cared about his well-being nearly enough to be worried about what he wanted and not wanted to do. As heart-breaking as the thought was, Lan Wangji was not too worried. He hoped that Wei Ying felt relaxed enough right now to muster his courage to reply by either nodding or shaking his head.

To his horror however, the boy did not reply in any way and only continued to sit there. He was looking very troubled and confused; in the end, his expression morphed to that of a great internal conflict and he started to tremble like a leaf.

Lan Wangji was alarmed at once. He could not phantom what exactly the conflict was, but he could see that it was causing Wei Ying great distress, perhaps sending him over to another panicked fit. This was no good, he had to intervene.

"Wei Ying." He tried calling the other's name gently. No reaction. "Wei Ying!" he tried again with more urgency this time.

Still no good, the boy had already spiralled too far away into his own overthinking mind. There was nothing Lan Wangji could do anymore but to watch him fall deeper and deeper still.

And then, he suddenly remembered that there perhaps could be something he could do in this kind of situation. Had it not been Wei Ying himself who had reached out to him while in great distress this morning? Had it not helped when he had held the boy's hand and reassured him that everything was fine and that he could just be himself and speak up his mind?

Realizing this, he immediately got up and circled the table to kneel by the boy's side. Ever so slowly and carefully, he put his hand on Wei Ying's. He was happy when not only did the boy snap out of his distressed state, but he also did not flinch away from him. Instead, he turned his head ever so slightly to look at him. Lan Wangji did his best to give him a reassuring smile which he did not know if he quite managed. It did not matter however, Wei Ying now seemed back to his old self, if still very much not giving him any response.

"Wei Ying, it is fine. I just want to know," he promised ever so gently. He needed the boy to believe him. He would not be able to bear it if Wei Ying would assume that he wanted him any harm or that his innocent question should mean anything but what it in fact had. A simple inquiry of what he would like.

It did not happen for the first time but it still baffled Lan Wangji greatly to see Wei Ying immediately relaxing upon being reassured by him. He was glad that the boy seemed to trust him quite a lot, certainly more than his other family members. Still, it was pitiful that he needed such a reassurance at all, he should feel free to answer questions about his preferences without any fear. There was still a long way for him to walk after all.

Lan Wangji watched with pride how Wei Ying slowly nodded once. He did want to uncover if there was another hidden reason behind him hesitating. While the reason was unknown to him, Lan Wangji was sure that he would succeed in prompting the boy into doing what he himself had just admitted he wanted to do. Lan Wangji also noticed that after giving his affirmative reply, Wei Ying did not lower his head so much and he held it higher, it warmed his heart. 

During the end of the year holidays, I may not be able to update regularly due to scarce access to Internet. I am sorry in advance for any inconvenience.

Happy Chistmas for those who celebrate them and happy end of the year holiday season to everyone else :)