Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 117

Lan Qiren watched as Wei Wuxian apparently did not know anymore what to do out of sheer happiness and gratitude. Those eyes that were now gazing at him with something he could only name as endless admiration were seemingly staring right into his heart. The boy looked like an overjoyed and awed puppy and if he was not holding back as he was, Lan Qiren could bet he would have been jumping up and down and singing praises to him.

However, he could not imagine Wei Wuxian doing anything like that. Even though he seemed alright now, even hopeful and trusting, Lan Qiren could not forget the scared hunched over boy who he had seen just minutes ago. Wei Wuxian was definitely not alright, not in the long shot. Still, even if for just a moment, the boy actually looked just as fine as he had once been before his life had been filled with horrors of slavery and abuse. Lan Qiren really hoped Jiang Fengmian's sentence for torturing the boy would be just as harsh as the treatment he had subjected his adopted son had been.

Truth to be told, it was very uncomfortable to see Wei Wuxian staring at him like this, as if Lan Qiren had just brought him a gift he had wanted for ages. While that could have very well been true since the boy had probably dearly wished for someone to offer him help, it was still not right to be this grateful to him. Especially not after Lan Qiren had been harsh with him and could have extended a helping hand much sooner only if he had not been so blinded by preconceptions and unfounded rumours.

By all means, he should have been happy that he had managed to put such an expression on Wei Wuxian's face and make him believe there was a better future ahead of him. However, all he felt was bitterness with himself for not acting earlier. He had been beating himself over this ever since he had admitted to himself the errors of his ways, but it seemed that this feeling was not about to go away any time soon.

He was also embarrassed, which in its strength rivalled his guilty conscience. He had prepared himself so meticulously for an apology. He had even written down each and single word he had wanted to say, detailing all his shortcomings. He had put together a whole list of things he felt he should apologize to Wei Wuxian for. He had written down more than a hundred pages in the process of selecting the sincerest and most suitable sentences. The final apology he had wanted to present had been two pages he had spend a whole day thinking about.

But in the end, when it came to the actual moment of truth and he was standing before Wei Wuxian, he had only managed to say but a few sentences! Lan Qiren was working hard to control his expression so he would not start blushing. Was he really so inept at apologizing that he could have only gone so far? Even after a whole lifetime of various experiences, how could he had failed this much?

Yes, it was very embarrassing to discover that he not only had a hard time realizing his own faults and trying to correct his erroneous behaviour, he also could not even apologize for his mistakes! That was something even small children were taught how to do. And he could not do better than a toddler? He should not be called a wise elder, he had such a blind spot here. No one could know about this!

Lan Qiren cleared his throat to hide his embarrassment as best as he could. The fact that Wei Wuxian was still staring at him as if he had brought the sky to put it at his feet was not making the situation any easier for him. He did not think he deserved any gratitude from the boy.

Suddenly, Lan Qiren was very aware of all the people in the room and was worrying what they thought about his insufficient attempt at apology. Surely they were also judging him and could not believe he had done so poorly. At this moment, he wanted to be anywhere else but here in the dining room. He straightened his back and cleared his throat again, successfully catching everyone's attention.

"Well, that is all I wanted to say. You should now go to your lessons, you do not want to be late, do you?"

He was talking to both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, but he was explicitly avoiding looking at the younger boy. He really could not stand how he was being stared at. Not that he would reprimand Wei Wuxian for it though, he would never, at least never again. He was happy that the boy did no longer fear to look directly at him if nothing else. He believed it could be the first step to actually mending their relationship.

He was glad that the boy had not rejected him right off the bat. He would have never thought Wei Wuxian could be this trusting and pure even after everything he had been forced to endure. However, it could only be a good thing, he nodded to himself, satisfied. If Wei Wuxian was willing to believe in a better future and the protection Lan Qiren had just promised him, his recovery was only a matter of time. Luckily, the question was now when and not if it was going to happen anymore.

For this, Lan Qiren was glad. It had been painful seeing the boy as broken as he was. He hoped that in the Cloud Recesses Manor, where Lan Xichen had managed to build a whole safety net for previously abused servants, Wei Wuxian would also be able to find sanctuary.

Not only that, he would also meet people who would be willing to help him and provide support and reassurance whenever he would start doubting their intentions. Lan Qiren was not fooling himself, he had seen in way too many times to not know the truth: even if the boy was acting like this now, the road to recovery was still long and he would need a lot of time to become well at ease and forget his past bad expeciences. Though, with Lan Wangji by his side, it seemed like this time would be very much reduced.

Lan Qiren was watching as a puppy-like Wei Wuxian gingerly bowed to him – he had only bowed for a short moment, not lingering in his deferential posture, and then he was back up to his previous happy self – and immediately turned to Lan Wangji. His nephew in turn watched him with a small smile on his lips, something so rare that it surprised Lan Qiren to see it. Then, Lan Wangji bowed his head to him in a silent greeting, took the younger boy by his hand and was leading him away from the dining room.

Good, this was good, Lan Qiren thought. Long gone was his intention of keeping Lan Wangji as far away from Wei Wuxian as possible. It seemed like the boys had found their way right into each other's hearts and it would now be impossible to separate them. Neither did Lan Qiren want to pull them apart, not when they so clearly were helping each other and were happy doing so. He should leave his nephew to cast his magic on the younger boy and only observe from afar.

Lan Qiren absentmindedly mirrored Jiang Yanli's greeting and turned around to go back to his study. There were two pages of prepared apologies which he had not had the courage to say. He should practice some more so next time he would be able to do better.