Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 65

Wei Wuxian knew that it was Lan Wangji coming into the room as soon as he heard the quiet call from the outside. His heart immediately perked up, he wanted to see his master badly, and to hear his voice. He had overreacted so much from the earlier conversation, he wanted to stay with Lan Wangji for just a little bit longer.

However, when Lan Wangji entered, he could not even glance at him. He knew he looked pathetic; he was sitting there as if the world was ending for him and grieving having to be separate from the other even though it was way too soon to fear that. If he would be smart enough, he would be able to maintain the lie for at least a little longer before he would be sent or called back to the Lotus Pier Manor. The only thing he could do right now was to wail like a small child who had just lost his parents and finally understood that he would not be able to see them ever again.

If his master would ignore him for a moment, he would calm down for sure. He was already trying his best, gulping down his silent sobs and begging his tears to stop. It was futile though and all he could do was to make himself as small as possible and hope he would not inconvenience his masters too much.

Once upon a time – only a few days ago actually, but it felt like years to him – or if someone else had been in the room with him, he would have been scared out of his mind and would feared a heavy punishment. He would have been silently praying with all his might to be told to scram and be able to run away. But when it came to Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen, he was not afraid of any punishment for such transgression. Now though, he was actually more scared that he would be told to go back to his room and would not be able to stay with Lan Wangji anymore.

He was still too busy calming himself down and also too ashamed of his continued breakdown to react when Lan Wangji kneeled beside him and called his name. he could not look at his master, not when his face was so unsightly, covered in tears and surely full of red blotches and swollen. It really was no good that he was overreacting like this, and after being told that he should actually stay by Lan Wangji's side longer too! His cheeks became red with shame and regret.

Then, when he had least expected it after disappointing his masters like this, he felt the same warm hands that had been until now holding his own, come up and be wrapped around him. At first, his mind stopped working and he did not understand what was happening. This felt so foreign to him. And also so incredibly soft that all his efforts at stopping his sobbing came to naught in a single heartbeat.

There were hands supporting him, hugging him, and he could not come to terms with this amazing turn of events. It had been so long since someone offered comfort to him in this way. He remembered vaguely that his parents had done this to him when he had been just a young child and had not known anything about any hardships the world had in store for him. Later, Jiang Yanli had also hugged him several time before he had been first sent to the Nightless City Manor. Since then, he could not stand someone coming so close to him and he avoided physical contact as much as he could. It did not feel safe.

Right now though, when it was Lan Wangji touching him, he felt only gratitude and comfort. It also felt safe; a gentle and calming sandalwood smell was emanating from his master's clothes and it was working wonders on Wei Wuxian's stirred up emotions and over anxious mind. There was no fear nor awkwardness and this fact was amazing in on its own. Even more so when Lan Wangji hugged him closer and whispered right into his ear:

"Wei Ying is safe here. I will always stay by your side. No one will hurt you here. You do not have to go back to the Lotus Pier Manor if you do not want to."

Wei Wuxian's world came to a halt. He was not even breathing anymore and was only listening to the echo of those words. They were everything he had hoped for and Lan Wangji had said them just like that. It almost felt like too much. Such gentle and sincere reassurances should not be wasted on someone like him. He had no right to monopolize his master like this.

Though, he desperately wanted them to be meant in earnest. He could not have believed Lan Xichen's words earlier, but he did not doubt Lan Wangji's now. His master actually wanted to stay close to him, it was not just Wei Wuxian selfishly wanting to never be parted from him. Lan Wangji was hugging him and saying such sweet words, Wei Wuxian felt like he had actually ascended and came to heavens.

This was too good to be true, and yet it was without a doubt real. The feeling of Lan Wangji's hands on his back was so prominent that he could not be imagining it. Moreover, his master's breath was tickling him on his ear and it was also too real to be a dream or a product of his imagination.

The world suddenly caught up to Wei Wuxian, making him gasp for breath. Despite his best efforts, the tears started flowing out of his eyes in even greater quantities. He was completely overwhelmed by everything around him. He was being thrown around by the depths of his feelings and emotions and he could not stop his head from spinning.

The only solid point in all this chaos was Lan Wangji's steady presence and the arms wrapped oh so gently but tightly and reassuringly around him. The smell of sandalwood was grounding. Wei Wuxian unconsciously drew himself closer and buried his face completely in the folds of his master's robes. His tears were wetting the surely expensive material, potentially ruining it, but he had no time to think about this.

He just wanted to be even closer to Lan Wangji and be able to get even more of that precious and freely offered comfort and softness. If he could, he would stay like this until the end of his days. Not even knowing why himself, he started wailing even harder, mourning everything he had never had.

He felt safe and this sense of safety and protection had broken a barrier inside of him and he could no longer stop everything he had ever stuffed away in the darkest and deepest part of his mind from rushing out all at once. With all the barriers broken, he had to let everything out and he knew he would not be able to stop crying till then. It was so liberating to finally let everything out like this, his heart felt lighter with every single tear and every single sob. And the best thing of all, Lan Wangji was sat there, hugging him and never letting go.