Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 33

Wei Wuxian felt hot, hotter than he should be under normal circumstances. By all means, he should be cold, frozen to his core by fear for what was about to come. He should be freaking out about a punishment for his transgression. And yet, he was just feeling hot from his fever.

He listened as if he was in a dream to Lan Xichen who was calming down the servant girl. Wei Wuxian should have been more careful, surely he had scared her with his behaviour in some way. After all, Lan Xichen had said that it was not her fault. If not hers, it must have been Wei Wuxian's. It always was, there were no exceptions. Madame Yu was right; he should not act out of line or he would cause trouble.

Still, he was glad that the servant girl was being send to rest and not scolded for something he had done. Lan Xichen truly was being kind, just like Lan Wangji, they never punished those who were not at fault. And the young master of the Cloud Recesses Manor was speaking to the servant girl so kindly too, Wei Wuxian would have given anything to be treated like that as well. It sounded very nice.

Just like several times already, Wei Wuxian let himself slip and he started imagining something he should not have. He knew fully well that the standing of the servant girl and his own were completely different. He did not deserve any kindness, yet he was still shown it by Lan Wangji, and by Lan Xichen yesterday. That was a dream come true on its own, he should not be hoping for anything more.

However, it seemed like the gods were on his side today. Or perhaps his fever was much more severe than he realized and it was causing him to have feverish hallucinations.

Before he knew it, he heard Lan Xichen kneeling beside him. Wei Wuxian stilled, prepared for anything.

Though, he was not actually prepared for Lan Xichen's words: "Young Master Wei, everything is fine. I am sure it was not your fault, please do not apologize for anything you had no control over. I assure you, no one is angry with you. No one will punish you here. You did nothing wrong, I am certain of it. Do you feel like you could stand up? We should get you back to your own room. You should take the rest of the day off and calm down a little. There are no duties which are more important than your health."

Wei Wuxian could feel tears in his eyes and he heeded to Lan Wangji's and Lan Xichen's urging and sat up, no longer kowtowing. He could not believe that his master would tell him the same nice things he had just said to the servant girl. It was completely unimaginable to him. Although, perhaps it should not have been.

He remembered that something like that happened yesterday. At that time, in his master's study, Lan Xichen also talked to him like this, no matter how much he did not deserve it. At that point in time, Wei Wuxian had been too confused because no one, especially not one of his masters, would ever talk to him that kindly. Should ever talked like that to him. He was just a servant, not worthy of nice and reassuring words or gestures.

And yet, it seemed like in the Cloud Recesses Manor, everything he had believed until now was slowly losing its importance. He was being treated in a way he had never hoped to ever know again in his whole life. He felt so nostalgic it hurt. The last time he had been accepted somewhere like this, with so much respect and kindness, had been his very first day in the Lotus Pier Manor, before he had met with Madame Yu that was. He felt like he had gone back to that moment, only surrounded by different people.

Could what was happening now actually be real? Could what Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji had told him really be true? Could he live like a normal person while he was here in the Cloud Recesses Manor? He had hoped for this when he had read the Cloud Recesses domestic rules. He had also hoped yesterday when he was sitting in Lan Xichen's study being told something he could not believe.

In the morning though, he had convinced himself that it had been just a nice dream. Surely his masters were not meaning what they had said. He would never be so lucky, his past experiences talked for themselves. It sometimes started like that when he went to a new household to serve but soon, he would be treated the same way as always.

It was only in the Cloud Recesses Manor that things seemed to be so confusing. Wei Wuxian was still waiting to be told that the Lans had made a mistake and to be either sent back to the Lotus Pier Manor or assigned some unpleasant duties. However, thus far, nothing like that had happened. If anything, his masters were more and more kind to him. Wei Wuxian's head was turning and he had a hard time digesting and accepting his own thoughts.

He wanted to speak with Shijie. His sister would never lie to him. If he could not judge whether this was a reality or he was just imagining things, he should ask her before she would have to go back home. She was the only one whom he could really talk to, and he was sure she would be able to solve this mystery for him. It truly was just too much for him to process.

Wei Wuxian was snapped out of his confusing spiral of thoughts by Lan Wangji tugging at his hand gently. His lips twitched upwards. When it came to this particular master, he had no doubts, it felt like it was the only constant in his current life. He did not hesitate and stood up as soon as he could.

To his immense joy, Lan Wangji's hand lingered in his own for a second longer when he was already standing. Unfortunately, it disappeared soon after. Wei Wuxian was trying to convince himself that he should be grateful for what he was receiving and should not shamelessly wish for more. He should not want to hold Lan Wangji's hand longer so he could feel like this was reality and not a dream brought upon by his fever.

"Come."

His master urged and Wei Wuxian knew he had to follow. He had no idea where they were going. Lan Xichen mentioned his room, but that must have been a mistake. He still had his duties – even though it was yet to be made clear what exactly they were, being Lan Wangji's companion was way too vague for him to work with – to take care of, surely he could not be laying in bed all day just like that. But he did not question his masters' choices.

He gave one mournful look to the book he had not gotten to finish. He had been so excited about the story, he wanted to know how it would all end. But there was no way he could take the book with him, or even ask to be able to come back later to finish reading. He was being way too greedy again. He should really start better regulating his emotions and thoughts. It would not do to change his attitude like this, it would only get him in trouble later on.

Before he could even make a single step to follow Lan Xichen out of the door, Lan Wangji took the book from the table and explained while whispering: "You did not finish reading."

Wei Wuxian was so confused that there was not even room for surprise anymore. He could not believe that Lan Wangji would take the book for him to read. But that was exactly what he had said, was it not? Could it be that his master had somehow understood Wei Wuxian's innermost desires?

This really must have been a dream. There was no other way. If Wei Wuxian started thinking something different, he would be completely doomed.

He shook his head, he had had enough of overthinking for the day, it was exhausting and confusing. With heavy steps, he followed Lan Wangji out of the room, glad that his master waited for him and he could once again walk by his side and be as close to him as possible.

He felt safe with Lan Wangji. Safe and brave, something he had not experienced for a long time now, it was making his very happy and emotional.