Won't you believe me? (Servant no more - book 2)

Chapter 42

Jiang Yanli was watching Mo Xuanyu the whole time he was telling her his story. Although the boy seemed pretty calm and collected and his voice did not even tremble, she knew that this outside look was deceiving. She could tell from how tense Mo Xuanyu's body was despite his attempts at hiding it and how he was looking down on the grassy ground as if it was the most interesting sight he had ever seen.

Still, she was very thankful to him for gathering the courage to talk about his horrible past. She felt sorry for him, no one should be treated like that just because their father had decided to abandon their mother. Jiang Yanli was convinced that she had not heard the whole story. She wondered why Mo Xuanyu had said that he could not go back to his mother's family even after having met such a bad reception in the Koi Tower Manor.

But she did not want to pry. She knew herself well enough that if the boy was not saying it, it did not have to mean that he was trying to hide it. It was more probable that it was just too painful to talk about for him. At least right now, perhaps he would one day feel comfortable enough to say that part of his story aloud, but there was no rush. Jiang Yanli would not push him.

And anyway, she had asked for Mo Xuanyu's perception about Wei Wuxian in the first place. She should not be prying into Mo Xuanyu's life like this. She had perhaps already overstepped her bounds.

When the boy stopped talking, Jiang Yanli had a sudden urge to hug him tightly. Much like her own brother, Mo Xuanyu had also gone through something which he should not have. At that time, he must have been much too young to be actually working. Once again, Mo Xuanyu's and Wei Wuxian's fates were too similar for her comfort.

When she heard a ragged intake of breath, she suddenly realized that while Mo Xuanyu was just as strong as she had previously thought, his past was still haunting him. He was in distress from being made to remember it.

Jiang Yanli decided in that second to throw all social rules behind her head, there was no one to see them here anyway. She scoped a little closer to Mo Xuanyu and when the boy did not shy away, she slowly wrapped her hands around him. She imagined offering such a comfort to Wei Wuxian and it felt very natural, even more so than it should have probably been.

The boy stilled in her embrace for a split second. Jiang Yanli got a fright that he would reject her attempt. However, that was not the case. Mo Xuanyu took a deep, liberating breath and he wrapped his own hands around her in response. He buried his head in Jiang Yanli's shoulder and cried. He did not make a sound but Jiang Yanli could still feel dampness spread on her skin, soaked through the fabric of her robes. The boy must have been hiding his pain until now.

Jiang Yanli hugged him just a little tighter and rubbed his back. She wanted to let him cry for as long as he would need to. There was no one around and they still had some time before lunch, it was alright. She hoped that after crying, Mo Xuanyu would be able to get all his pain out and would feel at least a little bit better. She was suddenly sorry she had asked him to say anything about his past. It must have still been fresh for him, like an open wound which had barely scabbed over.

Jiang Yanli did not know how long they were just sitting there like that. She let Mo Xuanyu use her shoulder to hide his tears, she was patting his back soothingly and waiting for him to calm down on his own. She did not say a single word; she did not want to trigger any unwanted memories when the boy was in such a vulnerable state.

In the end, Mo Xuanyu slowly detached himself from her and turned away. Before he did so, Jiang Yanli had caught a glimpse of his swollen eyes and red cheeks. He must have been embarrassed to cry like that, especially in front of a stranger. Jiang Yanli did not mind, he looked actually kind of cute like that, he still had some childlessness in him. That was good, he had truly come a long way she thought when she imagined him in a similar state to the one Wei Wuxian was in now.

She patted his shoulder for one last time before drawing herself a little away to give him some space. She waited for a little longer, unsure if she should say something now or let the boy calm down a little bit more.

When Mo Xuanyu started cleaning his face with his sleeve, she took out a handkerchief and handed it to him. "Thank you," whispered the boy and gently unravelled the piece of light purple cloth before carefully using it to wipe the tears from his face, "I will wash it and give it back as soon as possible." Jiang Yanli smiled a little but decided she would let him do what he wanted.

Then, when Mo Xuanyu finally turned to her, she smiled brightly and bowed a little in gratitude: "Young Master Mo, thank you very much for sharing your story with me. I have always wondered what life was for my brother outside of the Lotus Pier Manor. I am happy that he could find a friend like you, he must have been overjoyed. I am sure that if you still wish to try and connect with him even here in the Cloud Recesses Manor, he would eventually open up to you. I can tell that he already likes you very much and that you are a good friend to him."

Hearing her words, Mo Xuanyu looked very shy and toyed with the borrowed handkerchief with his hands. It seemed like he wanted to say something but did perhaps not know how to voice it. In the end, he only whispered, more to himself than to Jiang Yanli really: "I will try my best."

They sat there for a while longer before they hear a gong ringing. Mo Xuanyu was disturbed from his thoughts and jumped onto his feet, offering his hand to Jiang Yanli to help her stand up as well. She smiled and accepted.

Mo Xuanyu led her back to the main building, his steps just a little hastier than before. The gong must have been a signal calling everyone to lunch, Jiang Yanli realized. She walked quicker as well, she wanted to go see her brother. She was determined to finally get to talk to him after lunch and convince him that he had nothing to fear in the Cloud Recesses Manor or from the Lans, he was safe here. And most importantly, he was not going to be taken back to the Lotus Pier Manor.

Seeing Mo Xuanyu acting so bravely and freely just seconds ago, there was hope in Jiang Yanli's heart that Wei Wuxian could perhaps one day recover just like the other boy. They shared at least part of their past predicaments and that was why Jiang Yanli wanted to believe that with time, her brother could become just as relaxed and open as was Mo Xuanyu now was.