~❤️~Always Better Together~❤️~

~ 31 ~

~~ Derek's journal entry ~~

Dear diary,

It's Christmas month. The month that I love, or atleast I used to love. Every year the month of December deepens the hole that has been drilled in my heart for years. It hurts. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. I miss my Mom and Jenna. Christmas isn't the same without them. But I have to celebrate it with a bland smile on my face for the sake of my family, or whatever is left of it.

Speaking of family, Laura called 5 times yesterday and I didn't attend her calls. She left like 30 messages and emails. Didn't open them either. She wants me home for Christmas. But I don't want to go. I cannot pretend anymore. I don't have the power and patience to play pretend that my life is great with no worries in it. I just can't. Also she'll invite Mr. Anderson and his stupid son Alex as well, which annoys me more than ever. Can't we celebrate without them?? Laura always says Mom will be happy to see all of us together. Like seriously!!! That man couldn't make her happy when she was alive and well, how will he make her happy now?? The fact that there will be an awkward atmosphere with all of us being in the same room is reason enough for Mom to be unhappy. She wouldn't want us to do something out of obligation.

Anyway it's decided. I am not contacting Laura, Peter and Cora until New Years. And I am not going home.

I saw her today. She looked less cheerful, but immensely beautiful in that scarlet red sweater. The red shade was perfectly complementing her fair skin. I really wanted to kiss her today right in the middle of the fair. But I couldn't. How can I?? It's not me. I don't kiss someone publicly, not even if I am insanely attracted. She was cold to me. Looked like she was still angry and upset over our fight. And on top of everything, we fought again in the fair. She looked angry but I could feel there was more. Something she wanted to say but didn't. Phew!! She is so much like Jenna, upfront, beautiful, confident. Jenna wasn't afraid of asking me out and neither was she. That's the thing, Amarra reminds me of Jenna. That's why I cannot stay away from her. It's like she is the Sun and I am the Sunflower, always facing her no matter what.

Lately, I have been noticing Alex is getting chummy with Valerie, Amarra's bestie. I am just scared he doesn't do what he did earlier with Jenna and I. I don't have any proof but I have this weird feeling that he had something to do with Jenna's death that night. The way he didn't look me in the face after her death and I also caught him visiting her in the cemetery a few times with bouquets of white roses, Jenna's favourite. Alex was not a fan of Jenna. He didn't like her because he wanted to score her like other girls in school. But I never let that happen. I loved Jenna. I couldn't let anybody hurt her. That's why he was pissed. And after her death, I disowned him completely. Him and our Dad.

I still have to patch things up with Amarra. This girl is making me crazy. Crazy in love?? I don't know. Shall I give another chance to being in love?? Being with someone?? What if I hurt her?? What if she gets hurt because of me?? What if she dies.....like Jenna??

NO. I can't do this. She has to live without me and I have to live without her. No matter what. It's only a matter of a few months. I'll graduate and leave. Problem solved.

~Derek.

~~Journal entry ends~~

Derek closed the silver diary after writing his thoughts down and put it under the scattering of a hundred books on the desk. He sighed looking at the messy desk as he picked up a book that read "Forensics" and rummaged around for a highlighter. He couldn't find one.

Annoyed he got up from the chair with the text book in hand an walked towards the window. He slid the curtain to the right revealing a snowy evening. It was only 5:30 p.m. and the snow balls made it look like 9 p.m.