Trouble 🌀 EDITING

Love Me

I slowly walk into my grandpas apartment. I'm surprised it didn't get burned. I smile at Will who was at grandpas desk going through papers. I slowly walk into the bed room seeing my dad sitting on the floor in front of the dresser looking at photos. It didn't take a genius to work out he had been crying. I quietly sit beside him, as if sensing my movement he wipes his eyes. "Did you want to come home today" he looks at me confused "I know grandpa Hank took you off the case Hailey thought you were dead dad" he sighs rubbing his face glancing at the photos before handing over to me. He hands me the photos. I take them from his shaky hands my own shaking a little. One photo was of my dad on his graduation, it was taken from a distance but you could tell dad was smiling at me even if I was barely in the picture. You could only see my hips up. I remember I was standing on a chair, I was smiling up at him gleefully. I remember being so proud. I was six I had just started school. I had just lost a tooth that same day, I always claimed it was my special tooth . He would always tell me stories of his time in the army, I always got sad I didn't get to see it so this made my day. I smile sadly before I glance at the second photo dad watching me carefully. It was me when I was first born. I was created while dad was still in the army, they knew each other from high school. I was made in his weekend off. He wasn't there for the birth but he told me he videoed me as much as he could. I don't even know how grandpa got a copy of this, probably grandma actually. Just baby me only two weeks old, so small so innocent. I was flashing a gummy smile, my whole face lighting up. You could already see I was my fathers daughter my eyes the same colour as his, the same goofy smile that all Halstead have. My mother nose and ears but that was nothing in my mothers eyes I was always my father daughter and she wasn't wrong. I glance at the last photo and smile. It was when he came home my mother left two weeks before leaving with grandma and grandpa. I never saw her again even after my dad called her to come home or come get me when his ptsd was getting bad but she never did . No more weekend visits he was here to stay, I was two. I was in his arms smiling gleefully, my cheek pressed against his, my arms hugging tightly. I remember dad laughing so heard. Grandma told me "I may be sick but I would like to hug him before I pass" I remember them laughing but it wasn't a really laugh which mad me mad, I wanted them to be happy. It was like the perfect day. It was a day dedicated to daddy as I kept telling him. I made food with my grandma that morning before having a bath getting into my perfect dress. My grandma made it for me, it was sky blue with pink flowers on it. I was so excited to wear it, show it off to my dad my hero. Everything was amazing, perfect. The calm before the storm the next day my grandmother took a turn and was very ill. I laid with her the whole day while dad took care of her. I frown thinking about how just a month later she died, how I was laying in the bed next to her when she took her last breath. "Your the most important thing to me. I know there were a million things going through your head. I also know someone probably told you that I went rogue" he rubs his face "it wasn't Addy" he weakly chuckles "never said it was besides you could get it out of anyone hell I'm pretty sure trudy tells you things as well" I laugh quietly it felt good to laugh "that's not what I want to talk about one day I want to know how but right now is not the time...I want to tell you that you are worth more than I could ever give. You are my everything. I live I breath through you" he weakly chuckles "I don't think I realised how literally the breathing part was until you were on life support I felt like I was being suffocated. I would do anything for you. I could let them do it i just had to be the one I didn't plan any of it I just went in...got yelled at by Voight for it" "you were thinking of me" I mumble he nods smiling his goofy smile "you never leave my mind. I want to know every inch of your life. I work harder to get confessions and solve cases so they aren't on the street where you are. I make it safe for you and I don't know why it has to be me but it does" "your my dad...you always told me that was your job" I shrug he smiles nodding "it is my job even more than it is everyone else in that building that are trained to protect...I love you so much never doubt that never in a million years. You deserved the world and I try to give you a piece everyday. I know Belle is probably giving you a piece as well" he pulls me into his arms careful of my burns. " you were right" he looks down at me confused "I started to question a lot most important I didn't know how I would get through this" I hold my bandaged hand/wrist up "I'm going to have scares all over it...a few on this arm to but my hand" I shake my head looking at my hand "it's never going to be the same. It won't look the same after I get this off in ten weeks I will have to go to rehab" Dad just looks at me "uncle Will and Connor told me said I would lucky if I only got six months of rehab they think it's going to be closer to the two year mark and I get this one off but only to have a new one on one that I can take off. I still have to go like all the time so they can change the dressing" he nods listen "the thought of going through all that without you it killed me I didn't know if I could make it. I mean I knew you were ok but the thought the what if. Your my rock my hero. I need you there to be strong. I need you so so much daddy" he kisses my head "whenever I'm scared or freaking out I just have to look at you no matter how scared you are you never show it. Pretty sure you know that and have learnt that long ago" he smiles nodding "when I look at you it's like everything is going to be ok. I just know it doesn't work with anyone else but you. It's why whenever I'm at the hospital or just scared or something I want you and won't have anyone else...I guess with grandpa it just made everything so so real" "you got me forever kiddo" he kissing my head holding me close as we stare at the three photos.