The Black Knightress (Back up for fulls)

{68}

December 4 2015-Compound-Sarah's POV

"I've told you Pierce is one of my biggest demons, right?" I look back at Steve while I speak

"No." he shakes his head as he speaks

"He took my hope away."

Steve looks at me as if he's open to me telling him anything and everything I want to say.

"He took everything away." I express in an airy tone

"That still doesn't give him power over your life."

"He's the one that took my innocence..for a few decades before other people started showing up to do the same."

"I'm sorry, Honey." Steve apologizes

"No amount of apologies can make up for any of this."

"Probably not, but they're all I can provide to you with the boundaries you have."

"They would threaten a lot of things, he loved to get me to do things by throwing your name into the conversation." I add

"Like what? What did he say?" he asks gently as he scoots my way

"Well, now that your dad is out from the ice..and works for me..I get to tease you all I want with what he does and says." Pierce taunts

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." I wave it off as Uncle James rubs my back gently

"It matters to me." Steve states as he reaches for my left hand

"They convinced me I would never escape by constantly repeating to me that I would never see you..that I would never meet you or that if I did then neither of us could do anything about saving me or even you knowing it was me." I look down at his knuckles

"But you're here right now..i'm here too."

"Mhm." I hum a sigh

"Why do you say he took everything? You still have your life, you have Bucky, your Ma, Kathy, Nat, Sam, me.." Steve lists off

"He wrote down my death plan, a few different ones actually; the paperwork's in Russia. I found out how he planned it exactly a few months ago, that's not all the reasons, it's just one of them." I finally confess

His eyes harden, but I see him make them soften.

"Public execution, using my neck chip, the Winter Soldier and in front of you." I add

Steve's face drains of all color, his natural bright blue and green fades to a pastel aqua and sage.

"They were gonna kill you in front of me?" he asks painfully

I nod carelessly

"I came to accept all of this because I was raised to believe their lies..so for every night leading up to that night..I was awaiting to see you before they killed me off." I add

"Why do you not seem to care?" he asks

"I told you, I've already reacted and accepted all that I read and was told."

"But you seem so okay with it." he dramatizes with hand gestures

"Because I have no choice!!" I let out

His face flips to me, giving me a look that is a witch's brew of a most dreaded fault, utter shock, and fear. Uncle James' hand on my back is still there, but his right hand is slightly balling into a fist as he remembers how I was after I found the papers.

"I didn't think you did, b-but what about Bucky? Was he not enough to keep you afloat?" Steve stumbles out

"If you're asking that, then you've never had suicidal thoughts before." I chuckle