As the days passed Sofia had not been able to stop, it had become like a drug to her. It made her feel a lot of emotions, not necessarily anything good but it still made her feel something. The scary part was that she wasn't even afraid of doing it anymore, it was becoming more of a weekly or daily need for her. Of course she thought about how her sister and Maya's reaction would be if they were to find out, they wouldn't be happy. So therefor she had decided that she needed to keep this to herself and only her.
No one seemed to notice how much the teenager were really struggling, well other than a teacher. Both Maya and Carina were so busy with work that they hadn't had time to notice nor even spend time with her. Sofia couldn't blame them, this is after all what she decided were for the best, no one other than herself would be hurt now, only her.
Everyone has different things that cause stress and worry them. Some people can manage these troubles by talking to friends and family, while others may find these difficulties overwhelming, like Sofia. When we don't express our emotions and talk about the things that make us distressed, angry or upset, the pressure can build up and become unbearable. Some people turn this in on themselves and use their bodies as a way to express the thoughts and feelings they can't say aloud. People often harm themselves when this all gets too much. If you self-harm, you might find that when you feel angry, distressed, worried or depressed, you feel the urge to hurt yourself even more.
When a few of these issues come together we can quickly feel overwhelming and become too much for one person to deal with. As young people say, many people self-harm to "get out the hurt, anger and pain" caused by pressures in their lives. They hurt themselves because they don't know what else to do and didn't feel like they had any other options.
That is exactly how Sofia feels.
[Sofia's POV]
After getting ready this morning and making my way to school I was so tired, I hadn't gotten any sleep at all last night and it was really showing. I knew that my first class in the morning was English so I had to listen but i just didn't have the energy for it.
I lay my head on the table, closing my eyes and remaining half asleep. I could hear everyone talking but I couldn't make anything out what they were saying.
Just as I felt myself falling asleep I felt someone tap my shoulder repeatedly, I sighed in annoyance.
"I tried to warn you" Logan whispered, referring to the teacher walking up to my table.
"Class is over" she declared, letting everyone leave except for me.
"Why are you sleeping in my class, Sofia? You need to start paying attention" she said sternly.
"I know, I'm sorry" I apologized.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you, this needs to stop right now, you are going to fail my class if you don't start paying attention and actually put in an effort" she scolded.
After the conversation with the teacher it was nearing lunch time so I grabbed my lunch box and made my way to the cafeteria where Logan were sitting with Ben and the rest of our friends.
I sighed, not liking the way Ben always had something to say about me. I sat down next to Logan and began eating my lunch.
"Are you coming to the football game tomorrow?" Logan asked.
"Sure, I'll be there" I nodded, wanting to support him.
"We can go together, Sofie" Ben offered.
"Mmhm sure" I agreed, not wanting to be rude.
"Is everything alright?" Logan asked once the attention wasn't on me anymore.
"Yes, just didn't sleep much last night but it's okay" I shrugged it off.
Next class was psychology, the class I at least thought was a little bit interesting other than art. I took my seat by the window like I used to.
I started zooming out as the teacher started speaking, only being interrupted by Logan.
"I don't understand how someone could do that, that's quite selfish" he whispered, referring to the teacher talking about how depression could have such consequences as suicide or harm.
"Neither can I" I swallowed deeply.
"I mean, I don't understand how some people think? Like why not just ask for help, it's not that hard" he continued, making me feel slightly bad and nervous. What if he found out?
I just nodded to answer his question, not having a good enough verbal explanation. I stayed behind to ask a couple of questions before I finally got to my locker and started packing my things so I could go home.
"Hey Sof, I will see you tomorrow at the game tomorrow right?" Ben asked again, sounding almost like a completely different person, he was nice now.
"For sure" I smiled slightly, nodding.
"Alright, see you tomorrow then, bye"
I grabbed my backpack and started making my way home, it taking about ten minutes until I was back at the apartment where Carina and Maya was already eating dinner with Enzo.
"Hey Sofia, how was school?" Maya asked me.
"It was okay, I'm just going to take a shower before dinner" I let her know.
"Can't you just take a shower after dinner? We can eat together" Carina suggested.
"Why does it matter? Just let me take a shower" I sighed.
"Loose the attitude, sit down and eat dinner" she said sternly, already loosing her temper.
I dropped my backpack on the floor and made my way to grab a plate, only putting a small amount of food on it.
"I'm going to the football game tomorrow, I'll probably be home late" I let them know.
"As long as you have your phone with you then that's okay, just send us a text" Maya said.
Carina was preoccupied with cleaning up Enzo's face from the spaghetti so I was sure she wasn't even listening.
"I'm finished, can I be excused?"
"Sure" Maya nodded.
"Thanks for dinner" I said before I went up to my room.
So much for eating dinner together, she barley said a word to me. Sometimes I just wish that Andrew could be here, everything would be so so much easier.
Just as I came back from the shower, Maya knocked on the door gently before stepping inside.
"This came in the mail today, it's for you but I don't know who it's from" she said, handing me an envelope.
"Thank you Maya, I'll read it later" I informed her.
"Okay, well if you need anything, we will be downstairs. Goodnight" she said, closing the door on her way out.
I frowned at the letter, nobody sends letters these days and surely it won't be one of my friends. No one from the hospital or the station would send it nor would my friends from Italy so it left me so confused.
I dried my hair and changed in to a pajama before I laid down in bed and studied the envelope closer.
I felt my heart beating faster and faster as I noticed the handwriting, this could not be true.
I didn't want it to be.
