Carina had decided that she would take the day off of work and let Sofia stay home from school so they could do something together. Enzo would be at school while Maya was at work. She had a twenty four hour shift which were always hard and tiring but it helped knowing that she would come back home to her family soon.
It was hot outside so Carina and Sofia had decided to take a stroll down to the park, just to get the most out of the weather.
Sofia opted on wearing jeans, feeling insecure about her scars and she really didn't want people to stare or make comments about it. After putting on a t-shirt and making her way downstairs to grab a water bottle, the two Italian's started their stroll.
[Sofia's POV]
"I want us to have an agreement, okay?" Carina spoke up.
"About what?" I asked nervously, turning my gaze to the park where it was almost empty.
"If you ever get an urge to harm yourself, please come tell me, it doesn't matter when or where it happens, I just want you to tell me and then I will stay with you" Carina explained, sounding a bit sad.
"What if it happens at night time, you need to sleep, you can't be waking up every other night just because my stupid brain won't shut up" I said, not liking the agreement if it would mean that I had to talk about my feelings and why I wanted to hurt myself.
Because frankly sometimes I don't even know why I want to hurt myself. It's just my brain that keeps reminding me about how good it felt when I did it last time and that it will help relief my anxiety and the heavy feeling on my chest.
"If it happens at night you wake me up, I don't want you to be alone when you are having those kind of urges and thoughts" Carina told me sternly.
"I- okay" I nodded, having a feeling that this might be hard but I wanted to make her happy so I am going to try.
"Here, drink some water" Carina reminded me, handing me a water bottle while we walked passed the shops.
"Could I please have my phone back later?" I asked timidly, not wanting to push my luck but I also wanted to see if I had gotten any texts.
"Sure Bambina, you can" she nodded.
"So tell me, what happened with that Ben guy? At first you told me you didn't like him but now it seems like you do, no?" She smirked.
"Uh no I don't like him like that, I'm not even that good friends with him. But I just feel like we understand each other you know?" I explained, hoping that she would get it.
I've never really liked a boy in that way and I've always felt a little bit weird about that. I mean sure, some boys could be pretty or kind but I didn't feel anything other than that.
Girls however, that was a completely other story.
I've had multiple crushes on girls but I've never acted on it.
"I get it Sof, but if you do need any advice on anything, you come see me" She said gently.
I nodded, thankful that she was very open with practically everything.
Once we had gotten back from our walk I got my phone back and noticed that I had received a lot of texts from both Logan and Ben. They asked me if I wanted to meet up at the beach. First I was a little bit hesitant because that would mean that I had to wear swimming clothes but I could always just have a pair of longer shorts over since my cuts were on my thighs.
"Am I allowed to go? Please?" I asked Carina.
"Will there be any adults there? I don't know if it feels right to leave a bunch of wild teenagers on the beach" she chuckled.
"I promise we will be good, there won't be any parents there but we will behave" I said sincerely.
"Okay, I trust you" she nodded.
I gave her a hug before I went to change my clothes. Ben came and picked me up and then drove us to the beach where everyone else were already at. I laid out my beach towel and then sat down, letting Ben sit in it too. Logan had his own towel while Josie and Hannah shared one.
"Let's all go swim" Logan insisted, dragging us down to the cold water.
"Are you really gonna swim with your shorts on?" Logan laughed.
I playfully shoved him in to the water without saying anything and then I jumped in myself, it kind of worked because he stopped asking about it.
"Sarah is throwing a party next weekend, she told me we needed to come too" Josie informed us.
"We are all going right?" Hannah checked.
"Sure" I nodded.
"Absolutely" Ben and Logan said.
After a while we decided to get out from the water to dry off and just chat. Since I decided on wearing longer shorts and they never seemed to dry I was getting increasingly colder by the moment. I kept shivering. I took the shorts of, leaving me in my bikini bottoms and then tried to hurry up and cover the scars with my hand a little discreetly.
"You've been acting weird today" Logan said once Josie and Hannah left.
"No I've not" I gave him a confused look.
"Whatever you say" he mumbled.
"I think imma head home now, I will see you two tomorrow at school" Logan said, waving us goodbye.
"Here, take these" Ben handed me a pair of sweatpants along with his hoodie. "You're freezing, just take them" he insisted, smiling.
"Okay okay" I nodded beginning to put the clothes on.
"You know neither of us will judge you right?"
"Uh yeah, what do you mean?" I asked him.
"Well, normally you are never hiding your body like this and just because of the scars, you don't have to feel like you need to hide" He explained.
"I know that you wouldn't care and Josie and Hannah wouldn't either but.. Logan's been acting up lately, he keeps saying these weird thing like it's selfish for a person to do this and like depression is only a joke and people just use it as an excuse to be lazy" I admitted, knowing that Ben had been in my exact position and struggled with self harming as well.
"Listen, he's probably never experienced depression therefor he can never understand how you feel. But his opinions shouldn't matter to you, I know he was one of your first friends here but if he is making you feel like you can't be you, then maybe he isn't that good after all" He said.
"I know I know, I just- I don't want to cause any unnecessary drama" I shared, sighing.
"Next time he says something like that, just tell me, maybe I can talk to him or something"
Ben took me home, walking me to the door and then giving me a hug before I went inside the house.
"Was that Ben? Ouhhh" Carina teased.
"Why are you stalking me" I whined dramatically.
"I just saw you through the window, it's good that he drives you home safely. Definitely a green flag" She nodded, sounding like she was checking out some boxes to make sure he was good to be my friend.
A/N
What are your thoughts on Ben?
And how do we feel about Logan?
Sorry for the late update, school has been a lot but it's finally getting better now. Hopefully I will be able to update more soon.
And I'm also thinking about starting another story, but I'm not sure yet. It would still be Marina.
