THE RETURN

Chapter 3

It had been four weeks since she had seen Elliot and she was still consistently hearing his name. For some reason, that she couldn't quite put her finger on, Noah had grown an instant connection to him. He had began asking for him the moment they left his apartment. She internally felt a little guilty for denying her son to see someone but she overcame that guilt by remembering how Elliot had treated her in the end of their friendship, if someone could even call it that. She didn't need Noah growing a huge attatchment to him, only to be disappointed when he up and left one day. No one, especially her son, deserved to feel the way she had felt. For those reasons, Olivia stuck to her guns through Noah's pleading.

For her, it was different. During the day it was easy for her to keep busy with her job as Lieutenant and with raising Noah. However at night, it was a different story. She would often lie awake in her bed with her thoughts. Thoughts of what was, what could have been and what never would be. Shamefully, she could admit that she had fanatisized more than once about spending her life with Elliot. Even through he was married throughout their partnership, she always tried to hold on to a little piece of hope that maybe one day he would realize that he loved her to. She could swear there were times, especially during his and Kathy's seperation, that they were going to become something more. The way she would catch him looking at her made her believe that he was working up the courage to make a move. However, instead of a move she recieved news that he had knocked up his wife again. If that wasn't a blow to the face, she didn't know what was. After that, she had given up all hope. She had no business loving a happily married man anyways. Then when he left her, she convinced herself that he never cared for her at all. That this relationship that she had built in her head with him, was one that was just that; In her head. He never cared for her. He did his job having her back, just as she had his. She told herself many years ago that she would never cry over him again and minus that damn tear that slipped out on his couch, she had kept that promise. Even through all her thoughts, she didn't shed another tear.

The month of June had passed quickly and before she knew it she was waking up on the Fourth of the July. Due to her position as head of the Special Victims Unit, Olivia was able to get the whole day off. Noah was more than excited to spend the day participating in the Fourth of July activities around the city. Mother and son had sat down throughout the week and had planned the whole day out. From breakfast at the fire station to fireworks in Central Park. It was going be a fun filled day and she was hoping that it would once and full all get Noah's mind off of Elliot.

"Hey mom?" Noah said as he exited the bathroom.

Olivia, who was sitting on the couch in a light blue sundress that went to her ankles, looked up, "Yeah baby?"

"Are we never going to see Elliot again?" he paused to grab a banana off of the counter, "Because I really liked him."

She took a deep breath. So much for getting his mind off of Elliot. She slowly stood up and made her way towards him. There was only so much one could tell a child that would make them semi-understand the levels of relationships with people. As much as Elliot had hurt her, she didn't want to portray him as a monster to Noah. Although, maybe he deserved that a little bit, it wasn't fair. If Elliot was good at one thing, it was being a father figure. To not only his own kids but those kids who they had helped throughout the years. He may have done her wrong on so many levels and she may have personally hated him but that didn't make him the most horrible individual to other people. "Elliot and I's relationship is complicated Noah. It's better for all of us if we don't have any communication with each other."

"But mom..."

"I know baby, I know you don't understand. And I know he was nice and that you liked him, but he's just not someone we need around us. I promise, when you get older I will tell you everything about this complicated relationship but right now you just need to trust me. Can you trust me?" She had taken hold of his arms with her hands and began to rub them in a soothing manner.

Noah nodded his hand, "Of course I trust you mom but I still don't think it's fair to me. Just because you guys have a complicated relationship, which by the way I have no idea what that means, doesn't mean that him and I have to have a complicated relationship also. All my friends have dads in their lives and I don't have anyone but Uncle Fin and we know how Uncle Fin is. I'm not saying I want Elliot to be my dad, I'm just saying it would be nice to have more than one man around sometimes. Because I don't know if you've noticed mom, but I'm a boy."

Olivia laughed slightly at his last comment before growing serious once more. She prided Noah in being so smart all the time but sometimes she just wished he wasn't. It would make her life a little less difficult. "Yes, I am well aware you're a boy and I know you need some male interaction once in a while but like you said, we have Uncle Fin for that." She rubbed her now sweaty hands on her dress. "Listen, how about we just enjoy our day. We'll continue this conversation when we get home tonight."

"I want to know what made your relationship so complicated mom," he said with air quotes around the word 'complicated'.

She reluctantly nodded, "Fine, when we get home." She would just give him the short and sweet version. That would be enough for him to realize why she was making the decision she was.

"Okay, deal mom. I'm ready to go."

As much as the day was fun, it was hectic as well. They had originally planned breakfast at the fire station, the Fourth of July parade, a quick trip to the zoo, a small street market downtown, the annual Fourth of July day carnival and the fireworks. However, due to the amount of crazy traffic and lack of Manhattan parking, they had decided to skip the zoo and the street market and go straight to the carnival in Central Park after. Olivia figured that there would be enough things to do there to keep them occupied until it was time to set up to watch the big fireworks. As one would have guessed, Central Park was packed with thousands of people.

"Listen to me Noah, you need to stay right by me at all times." She watched as a group of bikers cut to the front of the line they were standing in. "Better yet just hold my hand and don't let go." Olivia said as they were approaching the main entrance to the carnival. She grabbed hold of his hand quickly after she purchased their tickets.

Noah rolled his eyes slightly and gripped her hand tighter, "Mom, you're being a little paranoid."

She laughed out loud, "Did you just call me paranoid?"

"Yeah mom. You're a cop and you're probably more paranoid than all the mom's here. It's not like you can't chase and take someone down."

"Okay two things. One, me being a cop is what makes me paranoid. Two, I'm not as young as I once was. I can't just take someone down in one hit."

Noah laughed, "Don't underestimate yourself mom."

He always held such a high confidence for her. He had the ability to make her believe that she could jump out of a plane without a parachute and live if she wanted to. It was reassuring to be believed in like that. "Thank you baby. So what would you like to do first?"

Noah looked around the carnival. It was full with different game booths, rides and food stands. It seemed like everyone and everything was dressed in red, white and blue. There was even a man dressed as Uncle Sam walking around handing out some sort of flyers. "Ummm...can we do the Merry go round? Then that little rollar coaster? Oh! And I really want to play that game that you throw the darts at the balloons! And they have rock climbing! Can we do that also?" With each thing he mentioned, his tone got a little louder.

Olivia smiled at his enthusiasm. It was amazing to watch him discover and get excited about new things. He made holidays so much more important and now she couldn't even picture sitting alone with a glass of wine. Which is what her life consisted of before Noah came into her life. "We can do anything and everything you want. But I would really like some cotton candy on that list somewhere."

"YES! Can we get cotton candy first then go wait in line for the merry go round?" he asked as he began to tug her towards the direction of the cotton candy booth.

Olivia nodded as she followed his lead. As she went to pay for the two bags of cotton candy that Noah had ordered, she heard a faint 'Olivia' behind her. From what she could hear, it was a female's voice. She heard it again a little louder when she handed the man money and heard it once more when she turned around to look. When she finally made eye contact with the woman, she couldn't contain the gasp that escaped her lips, "Kathleen." To say that Olivia was in shock, was an understatement. She went eight years without any contact from the Stablers', then out of no where she runs into two of them in a month. What the fuck was nature trying to do to her.