THE RETURN

Chapter 50

The initial feeling of hurt that flowed through her veins, was overcome by her instinctual need to protect her vulnerable side. So instead of asking him to stay, she said, "Fine, go right ahead. But don't think you're crawling back into bed with me in the middle of the night." He didn't respond to her, just continued his journey out the door with his pillow in hand. Only when it shut behind him, did she allow herself to bury her face in her hands and take a couple deep breaths.

She hadn't meant to offend him. She was only stating the facts that surrounded their lives at that moment. As much as she trusted Elliot, once again, with her and Noah's lives, that didn't necessarily mean she completely trusted him to be Noah's father. Of course, she wanted him to be Noah's father. When she had told him yes at the house earlier that day, she meant it. If Noah wanted to call him dad, she would be more than happy to allow it. But that didn't stop her fears of the unknown.

Allowing Elliot to be Noah's father was way different than him being a father figure to him. Since she hadn't grown up with a father, she wasn't one hundred percent certain what role a father played in the raising of a child. Nor did she know how to coparent. However, she did know that being his father meant Elliot had a say of what the boy could and could not do. He would no longer have to look up at her for reassurance. And that alone, scared her.

She glanced up at the closed door one more time and at the empty space beside her, before reaching over to turn off the lamp. Laying down, she turned her body away from Elliot's side of the bed and opted to stare at the wall instead. It only took about a minute for her to realize that she had become addicted to Elliot's arms wrapped around her at night and sighed heavily when she also realized that sleep was probably not going to come to her. Turning on her back, she looked up at the ceiling with tear filled eyes.

They had been successfully co parenting ever since she and Noah moved in with them. She had voluntarily stepped in to be Eli's mother figure, while Elliot had voluntarily stepped in to be Noah's father. Although Eli's situation was different than Noah's, Eli had a biological mother who was very involved in his raising up until only a few weeks ago, she still loved the boy as her own. Just like she loved Noah as her own, the minute she found him. If it was possible for her, it was also possible for Elliot as well.

However, as she sat up in bed and draped her feet over the edge, the start off frustration began. He should have known her well enough to know that she needed to be reassured on everything. Her need for reassurance wasn't something that came out of nowhere. With her years of abandonment issues, by him as well, she would have thought he would have been the last one to walk out of the room on her. With how much he had changed, she thought he would have sat next to her and draped his arm around her shoulders. Not wasting any time reassuring her over and over again that he wanted to be Noah's father. The fact that he didn't caused her, once again, to lay back down on the bed with a huff.

Elliot was on his back, with his hands crossed over him staring at the living room ceiling. The boiling of his blood had long cooled off and he was now stuck going over the whole night without the original cloud of anger.

He had come such a long way throughout his life when it came to his temper. He went from a man who would connect his fist to anyone who looked at him to a man who could more than handle being forcibly shoved in a public courthouse. The time it took him to get to a happier mentality in his life was something that he always believed had taken too long. Instead of choosing things that would have made him less angry, he choose things that made him more angry. His years of marriage with Kathy and his years of partnership with Olivia, more than proved that to him.

However, no matter how much he prided himself in, he was still Elliot Stabler. Sure he wouldn't just up and punch someone now, but that didn't mean he wouldn't if he needed to. One could only change so much about themselves.