Fitoor

12 | Seeking comfort

Shehnaaz

He gets up from the bed and I pull the sheets to cover up my naked body and watch him in sadness.

"Are you going to leave?" I voice out my thoughts and suddenly I feel vulnerable thinking about his departure.

Damn it! I legit sounded like a whiny kid right now like someone snatched her candy away. For me that candy was Sidharth.

He looks at me for a long time and starts unbuttoning his shirt while Keeping his eyes on me. I start feeling excited again thinking that maybe we will take the night further even though my body feels like a sagging sack of rice after all the exertions of today.

I think to myself sadly, Siddharth literally made me come at least, I honestly don't know. I think I lost count after four. No man ever made me feel so much and sure as hellnever made me come this quick and so many times. Which makes it all even harder to go, I have no clue how I'll ever be able to part with him after this event, knowing that he ruined me for all men. I knew darn well that from this day, I will find myself comparing him with every man because he's that deep into me. Well at least metaphorically.

Sidharth breaks me out of my reverie as he hovers over me and tilts my chin to face him. .

"Aren't you going to fuck me?" I ask him bluntly not wanting to beat around the bush. In answer to my question, he laughs amusedly and shakes his head. I feel myself getting disappointed.

Before I can say anything, he lies beside me on the bed and faces me he whispers in my ear softly "No. I don't want to fuck you after you had about five glasses of cocktails. I want you sober and don't want you to pass out on me, Besides you need rest and I want you to savor each and every moment." My eyes widen as I contemplate how he knew about how much alcohol I had in my system and my body clenches deliciously at his sweet dirty promise.

His arms wrap around my body in a tight possessive manner and I soon find myself drifting off as the whole day's exhaustion kicks in.

_____

I wander down the stone pathways and fag as soon as the stench of blood hits my nostril. It was like walking inside a morgue. Except, I couldn't see any dead body near me.

I silently trudge down the narrow stone path, with my hand leisurely caressing the stone walls. There were few small windows above my head from which moonlight shined inside the dungeon-like place.

There were tiny cells on the farther end of the stone stairs which I was currently descending. After reaching those cells, my hand covers my mouth in horror as
I see severed human limbs lying on the floor. The blood started creeping towards me in a puddle where I was standing and I dashed forward to be away from this dreadful mess.

It was like I was imprisoned but I did not know to whom I was imprisoned.

As if answering my thoughts, he appears right in front of me. With his eyes filled with contempt and his left hand holding a gun.

I stay frozen to my ground as he makes his way towards me. I can't scream and time seems to have come to a halt as he kept striding towards me.

"You've have to pay for my death." He says and pulls the trigger.

"NOO"

Suddenly I feel someone shaking my body violently and hear a ringing cry, which actually belonged to me. I clutch onto the sheets and meet Sidharth's bewildered eyes. He looked deeply disturbed and worried.

"Shehnaaz! Are you ok?" He asks urgently.

Without thinking further, I wrap my arms around him in a tight embrace to seek comfort as tears start streaming down my eyes.

My breath starts coming out in short gasps as my brain starts fogging with nausea. I feel myself panicking and Sidharth notices that too.

"it's ok, it was just a bad dream. Come on take deep breaths in and out. Yes, just like that. Take a deep breath in and exhale out slowly" he instructs me gently and I follow his words. Soon I feel myself calming down a bit and pointed my index finger towards the bed-side table which held my medicines inside.

He took the hint and handed me the yellow striped container and hurried to pour me a glass of water from the jar which was on top of the table.

He handed me the water and I gulped down the pill gratefully and slump down on the plush silk pillows with a sigh.

Sidharth lies down beside me and pulls me in his arms. I feel a sob breaking out of me at his closeness and affection towards me and pour all my sadness. He held me the whole time I keep crying until I start sniffing, the tears already drying on my cheeks.

He pulls me away from his embrace and I instantly miss his warmth. He looks down at me like he's trying to figure me out and asks slowly "What did you dream Shehnaaz?"

I feel myself closing down at his question and shake my head. He makes me look at him with his hands on my shoulder and urges me to say something with his eyes. His stare left me feeling so vulnerable that I lied.

"I don't know. I can't remember fully and I don't even want to remember anything at all. It was a bad dream. A really big bad one" I whisper the last part.

Judging from the look on his eyes, he senses my lie easily but thankfully doesn't question me again on it.

He kisses my nose gently and pecks me on the lips before caging me in his arms. And for the first time in my life, I feel safe in a way I never felt before.

Deep down I knew that I couldn't drag Sidharth into my fucked-upness. It wasn't just about him being Ahaan's cousin anymore. As much as selfish I was, I didn't want to hurt him and let him hurt me.

All these years I thought and made sure that no man can break me and right now, feeling myself at ease in Sidharth's arms like it was the most natural thing to do, I knew that he had the power to shatter me in every way possible and leave me haunted longing for his presence for the rest of my life. But even after thinking about all the possibilities, I still couldn't find myself letting go of him. Sure I tried, but he always managed to pull me back in.

I sigh deeply and soon feel calm as I listen to his heartbeat. Soon I feel myself drift off again. Only this time I don't dream about that vile man, instead I dream about me and Sidharth lying underneath the sunshine with him smiling down at me.

_____