Fitoor

50 | Heartbeat

Shehnaaz

"No, no, no, no" My hands clutch my hair painfully, almost pulling them from my head as I absorb the scene in front of me.Crimson red blood coated the entire floor around her as shreds of broken glass pierced inside her skin.

Without paying any heed to the mess, I kneel on the floor beside her and pick up her face from the floor to rest it on my shoulder.

"Neha, no, no, no. Don't do this to me, no" My teeth start chattering as shivers run down my spine when I feel her cold body against my skin. With shaky hands, I remove the glass shards covering her, some of them prick my fingers and instantly blood starts oozing out of the wounds. But nothing matters.

Nothing matters...

NOTHING MATTERS

Nothing beats the pain of holding that exact person who shielded you away from all pain and sorrows when no one was there.
Nothing Each and everything inside my body contracts and soon I'm trying to drag air inside my lungs and wince when the stench of blood hits my nostrils.

The shrill ringing of my phone causes me to rest Neha's head in my left shoulder as I fumble around my purse, looking for my phone blindly through my blurry vision. Not being able to read the caller ID, I swipe the green button on the screen and place the phone directly to my left ear as sobs break out of my throat.

"Hey, Sheh-- shit! Are you crying?" The familiar voice of Rohan enters my ear and I look up at the ceiling.

"Roha-n, you need to-o come in Neha's apartment-t right now! Please, she's-" I try to get words out of my throat but they get stuck somewhere as I keep on hiccuping.

My words are stuck in a place which I don't want to visit. My mind refuses to say the word out loud as I gaze at the almost carcass-like body of my friend.

"I'm on my way. Just hold on. Call the damn ambulance for God sake. I don't know what's wrong but I'm coming. Just hold on to her, Shehnaaz" He says frantically and the sound of paper rustling is heard in the background.

Feeling stupid, I quickly check for her pulse, something I should've done in the beginning. As I place my index and middle finger right near her artery, hope fills my body when I detect a very fading pulse. Without wasting any more second, I quickly dial 911 and place the phone between my shoulder and my head. Looking down at the fading body, I pull her closer to myself and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Just hold on. I'm here-e" My voice cracks in the end and the phone keeps ringing on the other end.

****
You ever feel like everything goes out of your hand and in a sense, it's your entire fault?

Losing a certain person triggers all your emotions and all the memories you shared with that him or her, flashes in front of your eyes. Starting from all the laughter to all the tears you shared. It kills you slowly Pulls you down under Makes you hate it all as you try to keep hold of your sanity

Nothing can describe the feeling... Prayer

It feels like the only option but deep down you know it's all futile You hope for a miracle
You hope for anything but the ugly truth It ruins you Strips you of all joy and feeling Makes you go numb as you watch the life fade out of that person's body
Knowing that you couldn't do anything to save that person.

You just keep staring at the abyss like it holds all the answer whereas deep down you keep wondering how to fill that growing void which keeps expanding inside your chest. No amount of words can heal the pain.How can it even? Words never heal anything, because the scar is etched somewhere you can never reach.