Fitoor

53 | Agitation

Shehnaaz

I stare at the TV listlessly just to feel the silent void that keeps on nagging me about all the things that have been going on. Honestly, with the way things escalated over the last three days, I don't think I've ever had the time to just sit down and think about it all thoroughly, and not that I'm doing it, I feel like bawling my eyes out.

I almost lost my best friend! The mere thought of it brings fresh tears to my eyes. As much as I want to steer that image out of my head, I can't. It's like someone hard-wired it inside my brain. The vision of her inside her house, lying like a carcass with blood surrounding her...
I shake my head to get rid of all those painful thoughts.

Neha was hurting. She was hurting so much. My mind drifts back to all those times when she would cut herself because it felt euphoric to her and unfortunately, I can relate to that feeling. Both of us were self-destructive at some point but as life moved on, so did we.
But did she ever move on?

I wasn't sure when the doctors will pull her out of the coma but I'm trying my best to prepare for it. I lied to that stranger when I said that I was over at Neha's place to pick up a few things of mine, actually, I was there to clean up her mess of a Apartment.

It was like a fucking tornado over there. Expensive glass pieces and statues that she spent years collecting from all over the world, all of them now lied in a heap of dusty mess on her floor.

It took me almost six hours to get the place looking clean and fresh like before with the help of cleaners minus the broken statues and figurines. However, I figured that replacing the vacant areas with flowers will do a good job too. At least it will suffice for the moment.

Then there's Sidharth.

Never in my life have I ever thought that I'll meet someone like him. I'm not saying that he's 'oh-so flawlessly perfect', I'm saying this because he has flaws. He has his secrets about which I have no fucking clue. I didn't forget the fact that I saw a man beaten to a pulp in Irisfield's cellar. I also remember how he left me in his room like a whore. I remember it all. There is something secretly shady about him but I know that I shouldn't comment on it.

Then there's my fight with Ahaan. I kind of missed that asshole. No matter what he did, I couldn't deny the fact that he was there for me when I needed a friend. But instantly I wipe away all thoughts of forgiving him when I remember how much pain he has caused Neha.
Knowing that the type of forgiving soul Neha is, she'll forgive him. But I pray to God that she doesn't repeat her mistakes.

It wasn't a secret that Ahaan always took Neha for granted. Each time Ahaan fucked up, Neha would forgive him and resume being friends with him but this time, he clearly crossed the line.

The pinging sound of a text alert makes me look at my phone which was resting on top of the wooden coffee table and I lean forward to look at the sender and instantly freeze.

Sameer -I heard what happened with Neha. I hope she gets well from the Anemia attack. Inform me whenever you're ready to talk about the project.

I secretly thank Rohan for informing Sameer about Neha's made-up condition on my behalf and slump down on the couch whilst taking a pillow to hug it. Life felt like such a mess and suddenly, I had this overwhelming urge to cry. Just to simply cry myself to sleep. I know that I sound pathetic but all these changes in my life scared me.

I've lived the last eight years of my life monotonously, shielding myself away from all types of unwanted attention and disasters. I was content with living inside my own made-up bubble where no one could harm me.
And this trip to Monaco now felt like a fucking train wreck. Life isn't a movie where you just meet a guy and he turns your life into a fucking fairy tale. Life is something that teaches you that there are struggles, that you need to overcome before you get to finally enjoy it.
After that horrible incident, I've sheltered myself away from others and threw myself into studies.