Freaks// Eddie Munson Fanfic

Is this really happening?

We walked into the woods but we decided not to go all the way to our little table spot since it was a long walk.

Now we're standing between some trees and he's waiting for me to talk but I don't know what to say to him.

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like that..."

"Well, I don't get it. I guess I kind of thought that by now you would feel comfortable around me enough to tell me things. I mean..you know I would never judge you, right? Or look at you differently. Believe me, I know the feeling, I would never do that to you."

I'm still pressing my nails into my palm. At this point, it stings and I want to stop but it's a way for me to do something to myself to avoid breaking right in front of him.

"I know," I say feeling emotional.

I never want him to think I don't feel comfortable around him because I do. He's probably the only person I feel the most comfortable around apart from Zach.

It's that exactly why I can't talk to him. Once I start talking to him about it, telling him everything, I know he's going to be there for me. He's going to comfort me the way I want..but for how long?

What I want and what I need are two different things though. I can't rely on him to be the thing I fall to when things don't work out because it's just unreliable. He might be unreliable, I don't know. I don't want to give it a chance and one day wake up in a time where he's not with me and not know how to deal anymore without him.

It's something I know will probably happen. I know it'll happen because I know myself. I know how I am when it comes to him and I can't allow it.

"I care about you so much Mary," he says then chuckling. "I mean it's crazy how much I care about you and I know you don't exactly love that I care about you this much. You worry, but you don't need to."

I sigh and look up at him finally.

"You're right," I say and he furrows his brows. "I don't like it."

He looks confused and cautious about what I'm saying.

"I don't like that you spend a lot of time with me and blow your friends off. I don't like that you worry about me."

His face starts to twist into a frown. I almost want to look away because I know he knows where this is going and I don't want to witness his face when I say it.

"I'm always going to worry about you, Mary," he says in a shaky voice.

"I know. Which is why I think we should stop this."

There's a brief pause as he takes it in. His face goes hard and he starts to shake his head slowly. Almost like he can't believe it rather than deny my request.

"It's better this way."

"That's bullshit," he says in frustration.

I smile weakly just to help me pull through.

"I don't want you worrying about me. I have a lot going on in my life that I need to focus on and it's only affecting you too. So..you know-you're off the hook," I say lightheartedly in almost a chuckle.

He narrows his eyes now, clearly upset.

"Off the hook? Are you fucking serious?"

I swallow back a remark.

"Mary..I wish I was off the hook," he says chuckling with his eyes wide now. "You know how fucked my head has been recently? You know why? Because you're all I can think about. I wish I could stop it, I want to stop it but I can't and it's fucking crazy to me because I've never felt like this about anyone before. Ever. I hate that I feel this way and I hate that I also don't hate it," I listen, fighting back tears.