ninjago imagines

lloyd - age

#79
healing series ❤️‍🩹
this...this took me a while to write due to how close it is to my heart

"it's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up" - Alex Hirsch

lloyd pov (this is a first. i haven't done this since i was thirteen)

You're not a kid anymore.

Grow up.

The two things I keep on hearing from people around me. Honestly, it was annoying. It just bugged me whenever they said it. It always came from my friends around me and my uncle. They always tell me that actions figures are for boys not men. I was twenty, not forty-two with five children and a wife. It was still a young age to be in. I mean, I get that I am fifteen in earth years-- oh my Ninjago that made me sound like I was an alien --and that it was an older age, but I still feel like something in missing.

It had always felt that way. I just never told anyone that I felt like I missed out. They all had shitty upbringings, mine amongst them, but I could never say mine was the most tragic out of them all. It was never a competition, but you can never gain sympathy from people who had it worse. Yes, they could understand you better, although they also expected you to cope as easy as they did.

Whether that be having missing parents, finding out you're adopted or finding out that you were a nindroid; having a dead parent along with an absent father.

They all coped. They all dealt with it.

Besides, turning five years older was my choice. For the greater good, my ten year old self would think. I always would look in the mirror whenever it was my birthday. It wasn't like a glance or a narcissistic admiration -- Kai-- it was the day where I stood and wished myself a happy birthday. In my real age. Not the one I fast tracked for. I would look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I would look if I was younger, less defined, less body hair. Just reversing the time a bit to the age I was supposed to be.

Even though my body was older, my mind never matured. I had to do that myself. Be the leader of the team and carry the weight of being the green ninja, then the golden ninja. Don't remind me of the times I had to fight my dad. Was any of that good enough character development cloud kingdom? Have I had enough? Do I still need to fucking go through shit?

It was evident that everyone assumed that I was fine. I lied to myself into thinking I was fine. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Sure, I when I first...transformed...I looked and presented myself as mature and better. If only they knew that was my ego and arrogance of a ten year old child, not my talent.

I hated thinking about this. The topic always made me depressed the more it weighed it on me. It didn't help that my birthday was in a couple of days. I looked at the action figures on my shelf, the ones that I owned when I was a kid. An actual kid. The comics leaned up beside them. I couldn't tell you how many times I have read each one that was on there. My heart pounded in nostalgia and reminded me of the words that were uttered in here the other day.

"Jay! Jay! Look, someone is selling edition eight of the Hero Life series! We can finally finish the cliff hanger of edition seven!" I showed the blue ninja my phone as he walked in my room and he only sent me a small smile. From being at the kids table for a while, it was easy to read people older than you. Picking up their mannerisms and habits; learning how to read people with their body language.
By the grimace on his face, I could tell he was trying to look excited. Which took me aback since he was the one that got me reading the series a few years ago. Edition eight was being sold during a time where there was no time to even rest for an hour. When sales died and they were taken off the market, we finally had our breather. Then only edition nine was on shelves next.