WANT (Complete ✔️)

Chapter Seventy Three

Xavier

My life for the past two months has been a blur. Like a punishment from hell, I've been cast out and torn apart by my regret, my heart, my love. Days are chaotic with sponsorship endorsements, photoshoots for magazines, uniform fittings, and car test drives and nights are torturous. Bloo sleeps on my bed, but as days go by, I can see him withdrawing.

He misses her.

Guess that's two of us.

I thought our little break was crippling but that has no shit on what we are now.

There's no doubt in my head that we've officially broken up.

Gold star for you fucker for letting go of the only girl who'd tolerate your ass.

I let her go that day. I let her walk out that door, catch a cab alone and go back to Lake Bellevue without me.

I didn't have even the littlest courtesy of taking her home.

Fucking kill me.

What she said to me hurt real fucking bad. I could handle anyone else saying that to me because I simply gave zero fucks but she said those words. Her, the girl I'm utterly in love with, said it.

A promise that she won't ever break? She fucking broke her promise.

I get it. She wanted to protect her precious little heart from the big bad wolf. Ever since she found out about the bet, she's been cautious of me and I can't even fucking fault her. I gave her a reason to. I broke her trust by lying to her.

She has every right to be mad. To hurt me. To want to be apart from me.

But what started off as a lie turned into a real fucking, deep, consuming love. That's what she doesn't understand. And I don't fucking blame her.

Our love did start off as a lie. I had no interest in her but fuck me if she didn't pull me into her world, into her heart, into her soul, and wrap a noose around me.

Everything I did, everything I said was real. I meant every single fucking word I said to her when I realized that she was the one I wanted to wake up next to every morning for the rest of my life.

I called off the bet because I lost pathetically.

Lia made me fall in love with her.

And now, I can't fucking think straight, breathe without aching or sleep without dreaming of her.

She's ruined me.

She's fucked me up.

And I'd gladly let her do it again in every single lifetime.

When my love for her is as deep as the ocean, as endless as the universe, I stand no chance of surviving the pain I'm drowning in right now. 

Not without her.

Regret is heavy on my chest. It comes to me disguised as nightmares. It mocks me. It makes me realize how fucking cruelly I hurt her.

I threw her darkest moment—the one moment in her life where she decided she didn't want to live anymore—in her face like it was a fucking game.

I'm the scum of the earth.

I cannot fucking believe the words that I said to her.

Those disgusting, horrific, unforgiving words.

What she must have felt hearing me, the man she loves, the man she gave her everything to, say those hateful, ugly words, I don't want to know.

I know I broke her heart.