APRIL
'Jayda, I'm sick of your attitude!' My mum shouts at me. I internally roll my eyes.
'What have I done now?' I sigh.
'Jayda, that's your mom. Don't talk to her like that.' My dad says coming out of nowhere.
'Just leave me alone! Gosh!' I shout with teary eyes and stomp to my room, slamming the door shut.
'I don't know what's got into her.' I hear my mum exclaim to my dad. I heard her footsteps outside my door. 'I don't know what has gone on Jayda, but I will not tolerate this. You better fix your shitty attitude before we get home.'
Through my tears, I had to chuckle slightly. Why was she swearing? A couple of minutes later, her and my dad left. I sigh as I wipe my tears. I didn't even know why I was crying, I had been in a shit mood basically this whole month.
I hadn't made an attempt to speak to Keiara, nor had she. Aliyah had tried to reach out to me, but I had too much pride to speak to her. So, school was usually a chore everyday. Everyone seemed to be annoyed at me, and were usually snapping at me.
The only person I had really spoken to was Dontae. We were okay, I guess. I felt like I had pushed everyone away, and I didn't know how to fix it. I had too much pride to apologise for my 'shitty attitude', even Jayden was being iffy with me.
Just at that moment, my phone rang and Dontae's name flashed across the screen. I stared at it for a while before turning my phone off. I feel like I needed some time to myself, just me. At that moment, as I sat on my bedroom floor with dried tears on my face I felt lost. I felt like I was slowly loosing myself, and I didn't know how to fix it.
I decided, I needed to reevaluate my life. My mind instantly went to a letter I had received a long time ago. I got up and went to my draw, opening it and reaching to the back. My eyes scanned the crumpled, slight off-white envelope and I take in a deep breath.
My eyes focused on the cursive writing on the front of the envelope, To Jayda
It was the letter I had received from Junior after he committed suicide in prison. I was hoping it would give me some sort of closure, but I was sceptical. Summoning up what little courage I had, I opened the letter. Taking a seat on the floor once again, I began to read it.
Jayda,
Firstly, thank you so much for deciding to read this. I can only imagine how much it must've taken for you to even open it, and for that I am so grateful.
I want to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know how close you and Dani were, and it was wrong that she had to be taken away from you at such a young age. I know saying sorry isn't going to bring her back, or take away the hurt or pain you felt but I want you to know that I sincerely apologise.
Okay, I know you must be wondering why the fuck is this scum writing me a letter? But if you're receiving this it means I finally couldn't live with my conscience and decided to end it. I know I must've ruined your childhood, and I deeply apologise for that. I don't want to keep on apologising cos what's that gonna do? I want to explain to you, and I know you may not forgive me and I accept that, but I just want to explain.
Let's not even lie, I was fucked up. I was a sick guy a couple of years ago. I remember every little detail about that day, the day I lost my little sister. I don't even think I have the right to call her my little sister, I was a disgusting brother to her. I had just got out of prison, for having sex with a minor. I thought I was some kind of big man, but I was scum. I mean, what 19 year old has sex with a 14 year old? And then I even bragged about it. You would've thought going to prison would've been a wakeup call but nah. You see, before that day I had basically been selling Dani. I owed someone thousands of pounds, and knew there was no possible way to repay it. So then I thought I would sell my sister, it was sick of me but once I did it and the cash started rolling in, I became numb to the situation.
