My New Home

53. Razor Sharp Tension

~ TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm & violence ~

1:30AM

That's what it read on the digital clock on the bed side table.

My father was sleeping on the bed next to mine; at least he'd respected that boundary of mine.

He's a pretty heavy sleeper, considering he drank a shit ton of beer before going to bed.

Yeah, he thinks he's tricked me with the "I'm sober & oh I've changed" but his 'expert' sneaky drinking isn't fooling me, I know what he's doing.

He hasn't changed even a little, haven't grown at all.

Still- I couldn't sleep. I was restless and tossed and turned all night.

Eventually, I sat straight up and looked at the clock again.

1:49PM

I quietly got up and went to the bathroom.

I washed my face and wiped the tears, I'm always tearing up now. I can't help it.

The bathroom light buzzed as I looked at myself in the mirror again.

I looked even worse. I looked about as bad as my mental state. I took a deep and ran a hand through my greasy hair; I need to take a shower but I sure as hell won't be doing it when my fathers around.

I don't trust that creep.

I rubbed my stomach, something that hurt.

My whole body hurt, my heart hurt too.

This is what I get I guess, for being happy.

I went into my shorts and grabbed the razor out of my pocket. This was one of my only chances I had; whenever my fathers around, he doesn't leave me alone.

Even when I use the bathroom, he stands right next to the door and talks to me the whole time. He won't let up and- if he hears anything that sounded wonky or off, he'd burst into the room.

He did that once. Earlier. When I was washing my hands. I got 0.02 seconds too long to answer him and he ran right in.

I jumped back and met his wild eyes. "What's wrong with you?!" I shouted.

He crossed his arms. "You didn't answer, I was worried about it." I narrowed my eyes. "Well I'm washing my hands. I'm fine. Please get out."

He sighed. "If I feel somethings off, I will see what's going on wether your using the bathroom or-"

"Taking a shower." I added. He swallowed hard and looked me over- disgusting. "Yes, I- care for you."

He didn't.

I took the razor to my arm and-

"Carrie?" A loud knock at the door made me flinch. The blade cut deep in skin near my elbow.

"Y-yes."

"What are you doing? You've been in there for so long. What's going on?!" He's always watching me, always making sure he knows what's happening.

"Nothing, I'm not doing anything. Just using the bathroom." It wasn't convincing but I didn't know what use to say. I heard the doorknob turn, I did something stupid then.

I locked the door.

He was quiet for a moment then bang bang bang

"Carrie! Open the door!"

I quickly wiped the blood off my arm and rolled my sleeve back down. I heard him start to lock-pick the door, as it opened- I put the razor behind my back.