My New Home

62. Feeling I

I sat in the stuffy, cramped front office of Dr. Jacobs Therapy Center.

They were many people in the small waiting room; a teenage boy with his unenthusiastic looking dad, an older man with a young girl on his lap- she had the pigtails and a pretty dress. And a tween kid with two moms at his side.

Me? I was with an anxious looking Hank.

My dad- foster dad.

So, to everyone else I guess, we're father/daughter.

Even if we don't look anything alike; he was blonde and had the bluest eyes while I had dark black hair and green eyes.

Just another reminder he wasn't my dad- real one at least. And thinking about that makes me think about my actual father.

Fuck!

The tears fell from my eyes again...and when I say again, I fucking mean it.

Ever since my breakdown in my room, every single damn thing has sent me off.

I stub my toe? I cry.

I drop my sandwich? I cry.

I look at Benji? I fucking cry.

Nothing not makes me cry.

I felt a hand on shoulder, I looked over to see Hank. His face was filled with concern- like it has for some time.

I feel guilty...which makes me cry even more.

He pulled my body against his, I let him. He puts my head in the crock of his neck, I let him.

I didn't like physical touch by people, I knew that much.

I thought it was just guys, like with Elliott and Brent and even some of the Anderson boys.

But it was also with girls too.

Charlotte and Penny came to see me a few days after I came back and Charlotte, being the sweet best friend she is, came to hug me. But I couldn't help but push her away.

She apologized but I knew it hurt her.

I didn't mean to hurt her. I was still on edge.

Penny didn't try to touch me, only gave me a few books I had "missed" while I was gone which was plenty even though I was only "gone" for a week at most.

That girl just wanted an excuse to gift me things which was nice. Charlotte also brought me some southern treats which tasted fantastic.

I guess there's a silver lining in everything.

Hank, however, had no negative effect on me. His hugs and kisses made me feel better.

Like a real father should.

"It's okay, sweetie." He whispered in my ear. "Your okay."

He stroked my newly short hair, which Charlotte had said when she say it, and I quote 'you look like a bad bitch' Penny said 'you look like a pretty fairy' so safe to say it was well liked.

I let out a loud sniffle which, I noticed, people were now staring at me. Fucking great.

I saw the little girl whisper something to the old man and he shook her head sternly, something mean no doubt- luckily she didn't say it out loud.

The teenage boy laughed and his father punched him on the arm, the boy shut up after that.

The one with two moms frowned and hugged his moms.

It was a sweet sight...which made me cry even more than already.

Jesus Christ. I really need to calm down.