My New Home

57. ERIC I

Family is everything to me.

I always try my best to make my family to, to do the things my family need. To be the best big brother my little brothers can ask for- to be the best son my dad could possibly want and expect.

I want- I need to be perfect.

I haven't been though. I've been screwing everything up lately.

If I had listened to Carrie's damn voicemail earlier- she'd be home right now. I had saw it- freaking saw it!

I told myself that I'd listen to it in the morning, that if it was important then she'd call me again. If she had called me twice or left more than one voicemail, had she texted me- she'd be here.

I couldn't have driven myself fast enough once I had listen to that damn thing.

I started while making my morning coffee and nearly burned my apartment done I was in such a rush. My hope was that it was just a prank- not likely coming from Carrie- or just an emotional moment.

It wasn't. My worst fears were confirmed when she wasn't anywhere in sight.

My baby sister. Gone. All because I was too tired to help her. I thought I was a decent brother- turns out I'm a big piece of crap.

I even failed Owen.

God, was I stupid- letting him go to Elliotts like that boy hadn't just been threatened.

If something worse than mild bruises had happened to my brother, I don't know what I'd do with myself. I thought I was better, smarter.

If only I had mentioned that to my boss when I was calling about Carrie, they would've came to Elliott's house sooner. They could've prevented a whole lot from happening.

Maybe even Elliott getting shot...in the cheek.

Thankfully- or unthankfully if your name is Owen- it was just a graze. He'd be alright after stitches. Owen forbade us from seeing him so I don't know how he's holding up.

Owen says he doesn't know and definitely doesn't care but I feel right through that.

He risked his life for the goober. He does care.

He's not lying to me though- not intentionally. He truly believes he doesn't care. He does.

A whole hell of a lot.

I suspect he's...well...hiding something.

I'll never pressure him though. He can come to me when he's ready.

Which has been hot and cold these days.

I swear every time I saw him this week he's either a brick wall or on the verge of a total mental break and trying his best to hold it.

I'm trying to help but he just won't let me in.

Benji has the opposite problem.

He won't stop throwing his emotions on me and dad but mostly me, I let him of course.

Anything to help my baby brother feel better about all the shits that been thrown our way. And certainly anything to help out my dad who's been working on top of all of this.

Still- I feel like I can't help my other brothers without Benji clinging to me.

Xanders been a grade A basket case, not wanting to talk or nothing to nobody. He barely comes out- only to use the bathroom or eat.

Liam is fine or so I've heard. He's just spending time with his girlfriend more. At least he's happy- he's with someone who makes him happy. I know the two are probably upset- his girlfriend, Charlotte, was Carrie's best friend.